I believe people change for two reasons: Pleasure and/or pain. They see something they want or want more of, and they go after it. And sometimes, they get to a place where they cannot stand for one more day being where they are, so they move out of the situation. Sometimes it looks like taking action, sometimes it’s inner-work, many times it’s a combo of the two.
And there are the type of people who are feeling anywhere from uncomfortable to downright shitty in their life, and maybe they don’t know why. So, I’ve compiled a list of signs that are huge red flags that it’s time to make a change. Check off as needed…
1. You’re ridiculously envious of other people lives. You think everyone has it better and easier than you do. You want a marriage like your neighbor. You want to love your job like your sister does. You want a more fun life like that one lady on Facebook. You want to dance like the Solid Gold dancers of 1979. Whatever it is you’re envying, it means you want something more in your life. That you admire something about that other person. So, why can’t you have it? If you think you can’t, I call bullshit. Your commitment to “can’t” is simply a story you’re tied to. Divorce that story and marry a new one. Seriously, you guys, it’s ALL about the story you tell yourself.
2. You’re feeling resentful. I.e. pissed. Frustrated. Irritated. Resentments are a sure sign that a few different things might be happening in your life.
- There’s a failure to communicate somewhere. Solution: You have the power to show up and say your truth. Has that happened? Guess whose responsibility that is?
- Boundaries may be crossed. Solution: First- have they been established previously? If not, that’s on you.
- Tied into the other two, you’re tolerating something that very well may have the ability to be changed. Solution: Either change it, or change your story around it.
3. You’re numbing out. We all want to feel relief fast. Sometimes that relief comes in spending money, drinking booze, or losing ourselves playing Candy Crush Saga. But, what are you avoiding when you’re numbing out on a regular basis? Is it your marriage? Your fears? Your insecurities?
For me, I used to numb out when I was overwhelmed. Perfectionism and control ruled me and since neither were ever something I could attain, I felt worse about myself. So, I drank, shopped, and dieted in an attempt to gain perfection and control and to numb the feelings of failure and fear. And then I felt worse and the cycle started all over again. I was avoiding my real feelings (surrender, acceptance, and vulnerability scared the holy shit out of me) rather than facing and feeling them. But clearly, it was time for a change.
Facing your issues instead of numbing out is scary, I get it. But the truth is that it DOES NOT go away if you just ignore it. In fact, it gets worse. I cannot encourage you enough to just deal with it.
4. You’re trying to change everyone else, or at least think everyone else needs to change. If everyone would just do as you say, and stop doing this and that, and just STFU, your life would be better. Ahhhhhh…..
Truth: Everyone else’s shit is not about you. Deal with your own and keep your side of the street clean. I can’t tell you how much better my own life has become since I realized this and stopped (by no means mastered. More like one day at a time) running around like a lunatic trying to change, fix, tweak, and control other people and my circumstances. What needs to be changed in your life is you dealing with your own issues instead of everyone else’s. Trying to “fix” everyone else while ignoring your own life is a chicken-shit way to feel better. (TWEET THAT!) And it doesn’t work. So, face your own stuff and make that therapy appointment. (And P.S. while you’re there watch out for spending the whole hour complaining about everyone else.)
5. Your intuition is telling you that you need to make a change. This one sounds like a no-brainer, but I had to add it. You may already be at that place where your gut and heart are telling you to draw the damn line in the sand already and change, but you may not be listening. The fear of change trumps the fear of staying the same. But, ask yourself:
How scary is it to be in this same place 5, 10, or 20 years from now? Still not as scary as changing?
Your intuition is your subconscious mind that always has your back, always knows what’s best for you, and always wants to lead you to a place of happiness and fulfillment. But, the journey is many times unknown and crazy-scary so we ignore it or go in the opposite direction. So tell me, when has ignoring your intuition ever worked out for you?
So, there you have it. And if you liked this post, I'd love for you to share it. Because you never know who might need a change.
Resources from this episode:
Episode 147, Are You Half-Assing Your Personal Development
Text the word UPDATES to 444999 for twice a month updates from YKAL!
Recovery podcast series
Episode 60, Why We Self-Sabotage and How to Stop