Recently I ran across Brook Castillo’s blog. In a particular post, she writes:
“Thinness was the answer that was going to solve everything.
More specifically, as it is for most of us who have loathed ourselves, if I could just be something other than what I am, I would be loved.”
Instantly my eyes burned with tears.
Because I used to be that girl. But, much more painfully, I still know people that are that girl. And I know that there are millions more that I don’t know, that are that girl.
Being on the other side of this, I have many conflicting feelings. On one hand, I feel detached from the girl I used to be- the girl I hated being, the girl whose life I had created. I hated myself for having to admit and take full responsibility for the life I had fully participated in creating. The life I thought I wanted and as it turned out- I didn’t want it anymore. Or, I suppose I didn’t want the person I had become in that life and I lived years too afraid to make changes. So, I didn't. For a long, long time.
On the other hand I’m sad as well as angry that there are so many women that are unhappy in their own skin. Maybe like I did, they wish they had a zipper that ran down their body so they could just unzip and walk away. I’m not really sure who I’m angry at. Society, the American culture, God or myself for not being able to help everyone? I know that sounds really egotistical, to think I can help everyone when sometimes I can’t even help myself.
I think my whole point as to why I started this post is to tell anyone that might be reading this- whether you hate yourself, or don’t like yourself, or wished that you were someone else….please trust me when I tell you that it is possible for you to see a day where you love yourself for who you are. To know that you were born uniquely you and that in itself is the truest form of beauty. To understand that your inner guidance is your spirit trying to get out and live the life you deserve to live. A life true to you.
Because no matter who you are, or what you’ve done, or what you look like, no matter what, you are lovable.