This may be a post where I’m reiterating what I’ve already said over and over on this blog, but I feel they're worth pointing out over and over again til death do us part. I see these things a lot, (or I repeat them in my own life and end up scarfing down my own words) that are simple- yet make life sucky. So, here they are in no particular order…
- Dreaming with no scheming. Dreams are what life is made of, right? I don't care if you want to be the first female president of the United States, or marry Justin Beiber, dreams are magical. And I get how sometimes we need to let go of the “how” and just dream big, baby! But, seriously, if you're not planning how you're going to get there, what's the point? Teeny, tiny steps here. Even if you just start with telling people about your dream. Taking some sort of action gains momentum AND creates courage and confidence inside of you.
- Pretending like you’re “so evolved” or “over it” when you really just need to be human. In the age of Oprah, we all like to learn, grow and evolve. We read, A New Earth and quote Maya Angelou. We do yoga, meditate and ask, “What's the learning?” But, sometimes. SOMEtimes, we just need to throw a good old fashioned shit-fit. Give yourself permission to forget how old you are and be pissed off! I find the more I try to figure out “What Would Jesus Do?” my circuits get all jammed up and I have no idea what's going on. We're all human with basic human emotions and feelings.
- Holding onto friendships that aren’t serving you anymore. The reasons could vary. Either you’ve been friends since 1st grade and just feel bad leaving that person behind, or this person saw you through a really tough time and you “owe” it to them to stick around. A) You’re not playing hopscotch anymore. And you’re not wearing the same clothes from 1982 so why are you holding onto the friendship? Probably you BOTH feel the same way, just one of you needs to grow some balls and exit. And B) you don’t “owe” anything to the person who was there for you. As long as you have thanked the person for being a good friend, and been a good friend in return–that’s what friendships are about. If you do an inventory at the end of your life, I’m sure you’re not going to want to see, “2001-2014: Held onto friendship that was long expired. Wasted 1,458 hours of life”. Major bummer.
- Staying in victimhood. It's okay to do the “poor pity me” for a little bit, but most healthy people move on quickly. If you are convinced that life happens to you then you might not be taking any responsibility for that life. Example: Yes, I went through a crappy, horrible divorce that was traumatic, BUT, I 100% choose to stay in that marriage when I knew it wasn't serving either of us. I checked the “victim” label when I took that responsibility. I had some control there and I chose to be there. Hindsight is more than 20/20 here and I saw it coming. Denial can be a very real thing here, folks. Also, being friends with these people can really make your life suck. Check yourself there too.
- Believing your gremlin is the truth. If you live your life in a place where that negative voice in your head is making your decisions, keeping you in an unhealthy place, stopping you from doing what you love, then you are making your life suck. The end. (P.S. There is a solution)
- Holding onto resentments, bitterness or hate. Does this one even need an explanation? Holding onto this does nothing but hurt you. And if you're okay with that, fine, but trust me when I tell you the price you're paying for it isn't worth what you think it's doing. What DO you think it's doing anyway? Is staying pissed off at your ex making him lay awake at night making lists of how he can right the situation? Is being a smartass to everyone because you're mad about your current circumstances changing your circumstances through…I don't know…osmosis?
- Making the same bad decisions over and over. There are very, very few things we can control in life. We can control whom we date and/or marry, whom we spend time with, what we jobs we choose and some other more minor things. If you continuously ask yourself, “Why do I keep getting assholes as boyfriends?” or “This job sucks AGAIN!” for pete's sake WHY ARE YOU PICKING THE SAME KIND OVER AND OVER AGAIN? If you go to a restaurant and order salmon, and it comes to the table alive and looking at you from the plate, would you order it again? NO!! So, why would you pick the same type of person, or friends, or job and expect it to change?
- Allowing people to treat you like shit. If you think someone is treating you like shit, they probably are. If your friends and family are telling you that person is treating you like shit, they're probably right. If you don't feel like your best self most of the time with this person, they're probably treating you like shit. And if all 3 of these things are happening, stop reading this post right now and get this piece of shit out of your life. Seriously. Many times we don't see how bad it is until it's over, but also, many times our gut is telling us to get out and we're too chicken-shit to listen.
- Not reaching out for support when you need it. Why, why, why do women not pick up the phone when they need support, but instead pull out the wine and Oreo's? (Not that I have experience there…) That bitch of an inner-critic pipes up and says, “No one wants to hear me cry about this”, “Everyone is too busy”, “I'll look like an a-hole”. People are busy, but you know who your real friends are. We are humans wired for love and connection. No one can do it alone, I don't care who you are. Also, don't be the one who never reciprocates. You'll lose friends fast that way. If you go through a drama period and one or more of your besties is there for you, make sure you give back the love when they need your help. Or better yet, ask them how you can support them even when you think their life is peachy. You might be surprised and your friend will be grateful.