Today's post was inspired by another blogger and what she entitled, “MY perfection“. I encourage you to click on the link and read her short view of what her perfection is. And here is mine.
This week is National Eating Disorders Awareness week and leading up to it was racking my brain thinking of something amazing and inspiring to write about regarding body image or eating disorders. But, truth be told, I just don't have it in me. Maybe I'm taking a break from writing about my own struggles, maybe I'm so far into recovery that my mind refuses to go back there and dig up the old painful memories. I'm not really too sure.
But, here's the honest to God truth: Every morning I turn the shower off and open the shower curtain. Directly in front of me is a large bathroom mirror, so I get to see myself naked everyday. It's not the same body it was 10 years ago, 5 years ago, or even 3 years ago. Three years ago today I was almost 3 months pregnant with my son, my first child. My disordered eating and exercise behaviors were ending. I don't think I knew it then. I wanted it to be over, but wasn't sure if I would relapse after my son was born. I'm proud to say I didn't. I kept going forward with giant steps, steps bigger and scarier than I ever imagined.
So back to the mirror. I heard once that if you can hold a pencil under your breast, you need a boob job. (Whaaat?) I'm pretty sure I can hold an entire pack of pencils under mine, and I still don't “need” a boob job. I have belly fat that spills over and my son loves to poke it and say, “Squishy belly mommy!” There are veins on my body that look like road maps, I have stretch marks, and even cellulite on my thighs. I am reminded every day of my sons birth from my pink, uneven cesarean scar. But, I ask you, someday at my funeral, will anyone say, “Such a pretty face, too bad she didn't lose that baby weight.” or “That cellulite and stretch marks were a real eye sore.”
Because at my funeral, I hope to have touched enough lives that people will tell stories of what I meant to them, how I bettered someones life, how the values I instilled in my children's have helped shaped their own lives. That's all.
I'm not saying let's all throw away any notion of wanting to look good and feel our best. I know it's important, I get it. But, what's amazing to me now, today, isn't the same amazing it was even 5 years ago.
So, bring on the cellulite and stretch marks. I got the privilege of pushing a baby out of my vagina! Now, THAT'S what I call an amazing body. I love my body now, with all of it's so called “flaws and imperfections”. It's pretty awesome to me…and for reasons that might not be what others think.
Photo courtesy of author (that's me!) taken by Kristina Chartier Photgraphy