Over-achieving, perfectionism, all-or-nothing, and not enough are the topics of today’s podcast episode. This is a continuation from last week’s episode where I answer questions from an email I received from a YKAL follower. Here is what we go over…
“I just feel mostly like I am uncomfortable in my skin (it's not a weight issue), that I'll never live up to my expectations. The fear is that if I allow myself to do what I think is “fall short,” in my MIND it's a slippery slope to mediocrity – a road that does not interest me.”
- You’re uncomfortable in your own skin b/c you aren’t living authentically. You’re letting your gremlin call the shots and run the show. Your GREMLIN is creating these standards of excellence for you which you will never be able to attain, so you will ALWAYS fall short, and ALWAYS feel uncomfortable and like shit.
- There is dichotomous thinking here- black or white. Either you live up to these expectations or you are mediocre. No inbetween.
- Exercise: make a list of all your accomplishments and celebrate the fuck out of them. Throw yourself a big party. Send yourself flowers. How does THAT make you feel? Uncomfortable? It might be your gremlin telling you you don’t deserve to celebrate, it’s not enough, etc.- check in with what’s happening.
- There is excellence, and there is perfectionism. Where does the line get blurry for you? YOU get to decide that. Only you know.
- Exercise: make a to-do list or goal list that your gremlin tells you. HER list. Look at it and check in with how you feel. Now make one that is attainable. One that your wise, most highest self would make. You 20 years from now. One that makes you feel good. One that shows excellence, but not perfectionism.
- Exercise: What is the criteria you (actually, your gremlin) have made up in order to be “good enough” or perfect? It’s those- “When I…” For many it’s weight. Or a college degree. Or a job, relationship, a certain amount of income, boat, certain group of friends, etc. Sometimes we don’t even know what it is! But, it’s certainly gotta be more than we are now. It’s always going to be something out of your reach.
“But because of this, everything I do has to be at the maximum: maximum work load, maximum relaxation, etc; there is no in-between. I'm not able to find inner peace in balance because I either feel like a slacker or my expectations are simply too high (yes, I struggle with perfectionism). I also have a tendency toward self-sabotage, and for this, I'm not even sure where to begin.”
- Self sabotage is a way to feel safe. It happens A LOT when people realize where they are and they don’t like it, even though they want to change.
- Think about what going at the maximum workload is costing you. Even if things aren’t falling apart now, can you sustain this? (This might be something that you already know). This happens to me still and it takes a slap in the face from the Universe to slow down.
Links to resources I spoke of in this podcast:
Brene Brown’s books are here.
My book for pre-sale is here!