Ass kickers! Very happy to have Amy Smith back on the podcast for our 39th show. She’s here to talk about something she is BRILLIANT at: relationships and how to create more intimacy and vulnerability with the people you love the most.
Even if you’re single, this podcast is full of great information to make small but significant changes in your relationships. Have a listen as Amy and I talk about what works, what doesn’t work and why intimacy and vulnerability don’t have to be scary!
More About This Show
If you’re a regular listener of the show you’re familiar with our guest today, Amy Smith. Amy has been here a few times and she is an expert on the ins and outs of relationships. She is a coach who runs a podcast, co-hosted by her husband, and she’s also my bestie.
Today we talk about what to do when your partner has trouble opening up and being vulnerable, how to deepen your connection with your partner (or anyone else in your life) and the definition of intimacy, according to Amy.
When your partner has trouble opening up and you want to create more vulnerability Amy says to get ready to exercise courage and be uncomfortable. It can feel scary to open up and be the one to share because you never know what the outcome of your sharing will be (and Lord knows we want to know the outcome!). But if you truly want depth and connection, you must have the courage to face your fear, share vulnerably and embrace the outcome whatever it is.
In this episode you’ll hear:
- How to lead with vulnerability.
- What’s the trade-off in becoming intimate with someone?
- Why courage and intimacy go hand in hand, according to Amy.
- Three suggestions for creating more connection, without scaring the other person off.
- Exactly what to say when you don’t know how to respond to someone else’s share.
- And so much more!
Amy gives a personal example of a time she shared vulnerably with a friend, and it wasn’t reciprocated. How did she respond? At first she was ticked off and her immediate response, as is true for most of us, was to shut down and put up a wall with that friend.
When she realized that’s what she was doing she decided to embrace her pain, and talk with her friend about what had happened. They had a candid conversation and he shared that he doesn’t always have the words to articulate how much she means to him.
By sharing courageously and talking openly with him, Amy facilitated a deeper, more powerful connection with her friend. They created a deeper connection and a depth to their friendship that hadn’t been there before.
But none of that would have happened if Amy hadn’t first shared vulnerably and then courageously spoke with her friend about his response. And Amy says that’s the key to all vulnerability and intimacy: candid conversation. By having candid conversations with each other we get to know each other on a deeper level, and that’s really what intimacy is at its core: a deep knowingness of one another.
However Amy says we don’t have to dive headlong into a conversation our deepest fears to create that knowingness! She gives us a few ways to take baby steps toward more vulnerability. One of the things she does with her husband is to read and ask each other “Would You Rather?” questions from the Internet. You can get a book called The Book of Questions too and ask people questions.
The questions may seem superficial but they often lead to deeper conversations about why someone answers the way they answer, and that leads to a deeper knowledge of that person. The deeper you know someone, the more intimate your relationship with them.
This is such a juicy topic that Amy and I talked about much more on this episode, be sure to have a listen and hear it all! Then join me in thanking her for sharing her wisdom, laughter and her overall kick-ass self with us today. Leave him a comment below or send her a Tweet.
“If you crave intimacy, get ready to exercise courage.” – @TheJoyJunkie [Tweet that!]
Amy E. Smith is a certified and credentialed personal and couples life coach, masterful speaker, and relationship and personal empowerment expert. Owner and founder of Joy Junkie Enterprises, Amy uses her roles as coach, writer, and speaker to move individuals beyond limiting beliefs and sabotaging mindsets to a place of radical personal empowerment and self-love. Co-founder of TheSelfLoveRevolution.com, Amy has been instrumental in aiding hundreds of women in stepping into their authentic power and craft lives they desire. She is highly sought after for her uncommon style of irreverence, wisdom, and humor and has been a featured expert on Fox 5 San Diego and YourTango.com.