Episode 57: So You Say You Have No Time

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Earlier this year I was having a conversation with someone about The Daring Way program which is an intense, 5 month 1:1 coaching program. During our conversation she’d said she wanted to go deep. She told me all the dreams she had for her life. She said she was ready to dive in.

Then she emailed me to ask about a shorter program and that she didn’t have time for the intensive work.

Then I felt my head explode.

Look, I get being busy. My 1:1 clients have similar lives as I do, so let me rattle a few things off:

I run a full time business on about 30 hours a week. I have a small staff. I’m writing my second book. I have a 5 and 7 year old and my son has Autism, sensory processing disorder and Anxiety Disorder which includes services for him and extra school meetings. Plus extracurricular activity. I’m in charge of the meals around here and I plan and cook them. I also work out regularly. We don’t have a cleaning lady since we moved to NC so most of that falls on me. We just moved into a new house so there’s major stuff going on. I have a social life. I also get up extra early to meditate and have some sense of sanity.

I also understand what it’s like to have a monkey mind that’s constantly moving. So, I get what busy is and I know you do too.

And the truth is stuff happens in life whether you work on yourself or not. People still cross boundaries, your relationships still hit hard times, your kids still go through emotional crap that you have to navigate with them, your friends will once in a while piss you off, your co-workers will still suck, shall I go on?

In my experience, if I don’t take the time to work on myself, I’ll still have the monkey mind and all the shit-to-do (which I lovingly call “STD’s”), but I’d also be CRAZY because not working on my stuff equals doing things like the following:

When people cross boundaries I get PISSED off and blame them and complain about what an asshole they are.
When my relationship hits hard times get PISSED off and blame him and complain about what an asshole he is. And resent him and not say anything. Or lash out.
When my kids go through hard times emotionally if I’m not working on my own stuff I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO HELP THEM because I can’t be with my own emotional shit, how am I going to help them through theirs?
If my friends piss me off I won’t have a necessary conversation that could and would probably make the friendship better, but instead I’ll just let it fester b/c I’m too afraid to say anything.

Does any of that sound familiar?

Look, it took you DECADES to build up the habits you have now. The avoiding, the lashing out the people pleasing, the perfectionism. It’s going to take a bit for you to change. Like more than 2 months. If you’re going to tell me “I don’t have the time to work on myself” than HOLY SHIT FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS ON A BICYCLE QUIT COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW YOUR LIFE SUCKS AND EVERYONE ELSE SUCKS TOO. I just can’t.

Now, I’m not saying all this to sound elitist and Ron Burgundy “Hey everyone! Come look at how good I look” because I do things the way I do. And I know not all y’all can afford to work privately with me or other coaches. But, go to therapy. LIKE FOR REAL. Not like 3 sessions and say it didn’t work. Read more self help. Pray, have energy work done, do yoga, go see a counselor or church counselor, SOMEONE that can help you. Our world right now has plenty of personal development resources available to you.

If you say you have no time, what you are really doing is prioritizing other things over your own personal growth, strength, and kick-ass life. Don’t tell me you have no time if you have a Facebook and Instagram account. Because lord knows how much time that takes up. And don’t tell me that’s how you stay connected with people. Real connections are built when you work on your shit, when you have the tools to REALLY show up in your truth, when you can set boundaries and stick to them, and when you love the shit out of yourself.

Yeah, I’m pissed and ranty, but really, I want you to be kind to yourself and know that big changes take time and practice and work. And consistency in the work.

You know what else? I think when you say you have no time what’s really happening is that you're scared. I think you're scared to have it.

What will people think of me if I'm better than how I am now? What will they say? How will I sustain it? Am I good enough to get it? Am I good enough of a human to have it?

And on and on.

Change is scary for everyone. And it's messy. And hard. And then there are miracles on the OTHER side. But, I hate to break it to y'all, there's no shortcuts. Not a single one. Because if there was, I sure as hell would have found it, put it on a credit card, and done it.

So, if you're thinking you want to change and become a better person, but you don't have time…take another look. You DO have time. You're just choosing not to have time. In my humble little opinion, I think you're just scared. And the good news is, you're in good company with the rest of us. I’m scared a lot of the time too. There is no fearless, just courage to face the music and take the time to work on your shit.

So, make time.

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Speaking of working on yourself…

The Tanning, Tacos, and Transformation Retreat

opens for registration on August 1st.

Limited spots open.