In December 2013 my first book, 52 Ways to Live a Kick-Ass Life came out. That same month I headed to San Diego, my home town of 36 years (we had moved 2 years prior) to do a book signing. It was the only book event I did (unless you count the coffee shop book event in the city I was living in at the time where I only invited 4 people. No exaggeration, 4 people).
I know a lot of people in San Diego. Most of my family is there. I knew people would show up and also, I knew the people that would show up. It was safe. Certain. No real risk.
Fast forward to 2017 when my second book, How To Stop Feeling Like Shit was about to come out and I was faced with a choice: do I only do a book event in San Diego, or do I push myself with a book tour? Do I risk it? Do I face the uncertainty of this next level?
One of my old core beliefs– one that was born from men mistreating me– is that I don’t really matter all that much. I’ve intentionally worked on this over the years and come a long, long way. And what I’ve noticed is that when I’m faced with an opportunity to prove that core belief wrong, it makes me extremely uncomfortable. It’s as if my brain has become more comfortable being in situations where it’s proved that I really don’t matter.
I figured, if I go on a book tour and people actually DO show up, it proves that I DO matter. I’d have to face it and believe it. And the reality of it was that some people would show up to these events. No, I don’t sell out packed arenas, but there are some amazing women who I knew would come. So, I accepted the challenge.
Another thing that came up during this upper limit/challenging my old core beliefs extravaganza was the concept of letting people love me. Now, if you know my story you know I got the emotional shit kicked out of me in 2006 and 2007 and I walked away with some major trust issues. I had concluded people were not to be trusted and it was safer to keep them at a very long arms distance.
At the end of 2017 I wondered, What if I let people love me? I have a few people in my life that I’ve let in, a few people I trust with my stories and struggle (it’s a very short list), but what if I stretched beyond that? What if I really opened my arms and my heart and let people love me? What if I accepted all the praise and compliments and love and leaned in…hard? In my history when I’ve done this, it gets snatched away, so my brain says, NO DON’T DO IT! But, here I am, 10 years out of my trauma and what if I let go?
So, that’s what I’ve been doing. The book tour– 6 events in 6 cities. An additional city with a dinner with colleagues. 7 total cities of letting people love me. Leaning into all the comments of people telling me how much they love the book. I knew it would be hard. I knew it would be exhausting. And I knew it had to be done. I had no idea how it would turn out. This is upleveling. This is doing the work. This is walking my talk and loving myself and carrying courage and confidence.
Stick around for Friday’s episode where this all comes together and there’s an assignment for you. Also, if you are in my book club, there is a special, exclusive offer arriving in your inbox on Thursday, Feb 8th.
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