Episode 388: Make Some Noise Coaching Session with Kylie - Your Kick-Ass Life

PODCAST & BLOG

PODCAST & BLOG


This week I have another coaching session episode. Kylie, a Canadian living in the Netherlands, joins me to explore procrastination around decision making, embracing your sense of adventure even when it’s scary, and where to turn for accountability and support. 

My goal for these coaching episodes is that you, along with Kylie, will leave the session with lots of tools in your toolbox to grow, flourish, and be your best self; be proud of the woman you are and take that leap.  

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Kylie opened up about her difficulty making decisions and sticking to them. (7:46)
  • What would happen if you embraced the ‘throw caution to the wind’ side of you and lived in the moment? (12:01)
  • Tapping into Kylie’s younger self and her perspective on risk-taking. (17:00)
  • Some ways to get the creative ideas out, accountability, and support. (29:02)
  • We explore what happens when we create standards that feel unattainable. Andrea says, “Never wait for perfection or confidence to fall into your lap…” (42:07)
  • An action-taking update from Kylie. (50:38)

Resources Mentioned in This Show:
Sign up for updates if you want to be coached on the show
Follow me over on TikTok or Instagram – I’m @heyandreaowen
Episode 382: Asking for What You Want and Betting on Yourself with Melissa

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Right-click to download the .mp3

 


SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Andrea 00:00
We gain confidence by doing courageous things, even if we only have 10 seconds of courage to take that leap. And sometimes we will mess up, and we will fail. And we'll get it wrong. But we can always clean up our messes, and we can always try again.

You're listening to Make Some Noise podcast, Episode number 388.

Andrea 00:39
Welcome to Make Some Noise podcast, your guide for strategies, tools and insight to empower yourself. I'm your host, Andrea Owen, global speaker, entrepreneur, life coach since 2007, an author of three books that have been translated into 18 languages and are available in 22 countries. Each week, I'll bring you a guest or a lesson that will help you maximize unshakable confidence, master resilience and make some noise in your life. You ready? Let's go.

Hello, there. I hope this podcast episode finds you well. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I was thinking about that today. Because, you know, I like many of you, I think, start my emails with I hope this email finds you. Well, we need we needed more of a variety of salutations. Maybe that'll be my next book. But anyway, I was sitting here thinking like, how am I going to open this show? And I thought, how do I open emails with a generic ‘Hope this podcast slash email finds you well’. Sometimes when I read those, and I'm like, ah, it's it's not what do you need? Depends on my mood. Anyway, I do genuinely hope that you are well as you listen to this.

And I wanted to tell you that if you want to be coached on the podcast, because we have a coaching episode today. I'm very excited to let you listen in to me coaching at Kylie today, but if you want to be coached on the show, you can sign up for updates. That's where I send it out. I send out email saying, hey, you won't be coached on the show, here's the application. Go to AndreaOwen.com/free and you can sign up for updates. I send out emails about once a week. For instance, this week, I'm sending one out about Mother's Day. Mother's Day is great for some and Mother's Day is hard for others. So I talk about mothering yourself, and just acknowledge all the people who are struggling with Mother's Day. And I also last month sent out book recommendations if you have you thanked me for that. So you're welcome.

And also the book cover is coming May 19. For my new book coming out this year. You have to be signed up to get all the freebies. One of the fun things that I'm doing differently this year that I have not done in prep for the two previous books is to have you guys do you guys know what book plates are? It sounds different than it actually is. It's a sticker that the author can sign and send it to you. So you can have a signed copy of the book. It's just sort of an easier way to get a signed copy of the book. So I'm doing those and there are limited quantities of these stickers. So you want definitely want to be signed up AndreaOwen.com/free. Speaking of stickers, little side tangent, I found my sticker book. Oh my gosh, elementary school. Do millennials did you, did you all have sticker books? Was this still a thing? Or was it more for Gen-Xers? I had a scratch and sniff and property of Andrea stickers. And there were stamps in there I guess I just wanted like any kind of sticker I could get my hands on. Fun Fun times. Ziggy was also really popular back then there was some Precious Moments thrown in just for just for fun.

And I think the only other thing that I want to talk about when I'm talking about stickers anymore. If you aren't already follow me on Instagram and TikTok I'm @HeyAndreaOwen on both of those platforms. You guys know that I'm mildly obsessed with Tick Tock now. I've learned so many things and been wildly entertained and I am learning how to make TikTok videos. It's super fun. You got to be quick and I swear our attention spans are so short these days. So that being said, I'm going to move on to today's episode.

So again, we're talking to Kylie and I will let you I will let her tell you all of the details about you know where she's from and what she is struggling with. And then at the end, I am going to stick around because I'm gonna give you an update I give her I believe four homework assignments to work on and I will circle back and let you know how it went. I got an update from her very recently. And so without further ado, here is the conversation with Kylie.

Kylie, thank you so much for being here.

Kylie 05:06
Thank you so much for having me on here. I'm really excited.

Andrea 05:10
I am so excited. Yeah, I'm so excited to have you on here. I've missed doing these, these sessions with people. And let's start from the very beginning. Can you tell us where you are from where you're living now and a little bit about what you do for a living?

Kylie 05:24
Yeah. Okay. So I'm originally from Canada, and I'm living in the Netherlands. But I think most people know it is Holland. I think. I moved here for love. My husband and I, we've been together for almost 22 years, we have two beautiful miracle babies. And a cat who honestly, she's, yeah, she's also my baby. Yeah, she is. She's a doll. I worked in the corporate world for over 15 years, I think roughly 15 years. And the last few years I was working, I was working as a corporate trainer, which honestly, I absolutely loved. I love doing workshops and training. And because of that, I recently took a big leap and started my own life coaching business, which I'm hoping again, to do workshops in. And for the first time, I have to say, my career life, the life coaching bit feels like yeah, like it's part of who I am, rather than just following the herd. So for me, it's like brand new. And other than that, yeah, like I, I write, I read, I play with my kids, you know, those sorts of fun things.

Andrea 06:30
Well I'm actually curious about that, because just so everybody's kind of understands, I had a chat with you a couple of weeks ago, where we just got to know each other a little bit and kind of decided what, what we were going to work on today. And my question out of curiosity is, are you coaching people around a lot of the same topics that you used to work on in your former career,

Kylie 06:53
Not so much career coaching, I'm coaching more on some of the things that I worked on on myself through personal development, and also what I'm still currently working on. That's why I'm here today. So that's mostly what I'm coaching people on? Yeah.

Andrea 07:07
Got it. Okay. And, and I always tell people that, you know, if you want a massive workshop, in your own personal development, there are two things to do. You could start a business. And you can also become a life coach, because so much of our own stuff is brought up in training, which I think a lot of people don't realize. So you did both of those things. So congratulations.

Kylie 07:31
Thank you. Yeah, I'm noticing it sometimes I think, really, do I need to be this self-aware now? And I'm like, I'm totally still working on being self-aware.

Andrea 07:39
It's a lot. It's a lot. Okay. So tell us what the topic is that you brought today that you want to work on?

Kylie 07:46
Okay. So yeah, I think mostly, especially now that I've started my own business, but I think it's sort of been lingering around my whole life is I struggle with sticking to a decision, you know, I go fully into something and I'm just like, yes, this is it, you know, and I put all my energy into it for a short time, and then the next idea comes up, and then I put all my energy into that idea, because that's the idea that's going to, you know, whatever, work and stuff, and then I totally forget about the other thing. And I flip flop between ideas, you know, four or five things that are time. And each one seems like the best choice. And then I end up, you know, jumping to something else. And so I have a hard time making decisions and sticking to them.

Andrea 08:31
Okay, do you feel? Okay, I have so many questions. But I need to ask this one first. I don't want to jump ahead. What is it that you're looking for, like, ideal solution type of thing? Give me both long term as well as what are you looking for to have happen by the end of our conversation?

Kylie 08:49
Long term solution? I think, for me, it's just that I'm able to make decisions and follow through on them. You know, or know when it's the right time to maybe not continue with a decision and not just decide to, you know, put all of my energy into something else, when I haven't actually fully investigated or even put enough into the first decision that I that I made. So that would be long term and short term. I think just some like actions or, or ideas of how I can prioritize maybe or how I can, yeah, just decide what feels you maybe determine what feels right to me move on to focused on thinking rather than feeling something. You know, does that make sense?

Andrea 09:37
Yeah, it does. Some people when they come to coaching, they have this idea in their head of what they want the outcome to be. And sometimes it's doable, and sometimes the standards are so high. It's something that their inner critic has made up that they think they should be like, but I love your answer. I think it's doable and okay, just so I'm clear. So your short term is that you want actions and Ideas for perhaps prioritizing the ideas that you have. And maybe like, for example, feeling into it instead of just thinking about it.

Kylie 10:00
Yeah, exactly.

Andrea 10:03
I think some of the first question is I have is, tell me about your personality? Like, are you the type of person, have you kind of always struggled with making these decisions or having lots of creative ideas, but having poor follow through?

Kylie 10:25
If I think about how I was growing up, I was, yeah, always looking to for adventure, excitement, spontaneity, that sort of thing, quick decisions, not having to think things through. You know, I decided when I was 20, that I want to travel. and a month later, I was gone for two years. Like it was just, yeah, that's what I want to do. So that's what I did. Yeah. And, I mean, luckily, because that's where I met my husband is while I was traveling, yeah, I just did those sort of things. And when I was working in a job, if I just thought, I don't want to be here anymore, then I would literally quit that day. And I just so yes, then I guess I just never followed through on the thinking process. I just made the decision short term. And now, so I think that's one problem. I didn't think and now I almost have too much time to think. And then I overthink things. And then I end up switching. Yeah, ideas.

Andrea 11:15
It sounds like and, you know, please tell me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you have the ability to take risks.

Kylie 11:19
Yes.

Andrea 11:20
And I have a sign hanging in my office that says ‘no risks, no magic’. Because, you know, that's where that's where the magic happen is when we have the ability and the courage to take some risks in our life. So it sounds like that was all fun and games when it came to traveling, you know, for you had kids and leaving a job that you didn't like, and and now that you've settled down and want to stick to this career, you feel like it's it's not such a great thing.

Kylie 11:53
Yeah, I mean, I need to think, more long term, I can't just up and go or make the one-off decisions without actually thinking through.

Andrea 12:01
I wonder what would happen. And this is just a curiosity question, not saying that you need to be like this, or it's the best way. But like, let's just put on a perspective, what would happen if you did embrace that side of you that risk taking person who likes to kind of fly by the seat of her pants and just jump from idea to idea what might happen?

Kylie 12:24
Honestly, I'm smiling right now.

Andrea 12:25
I can I can hear that.

Kylie 12:30
You know what? I honestly, I think I miss her sometimes. I mean, I loved working in the corporate world because I met so many amazing people. And you know, I got to learn that I love training. And I love being in that that group environment and that workshop environment. I thrive from the energy from other people. But I find it was so structured for me and you know, great for my friends who want to climb the corporate ladder, but I realized that I, that wasn't me, it was just so structured. You couldn't I didn't really have much room. And so when you say things like that, I'm like, wow, yeah, that would be amazing. I miss her. The Kylie, who just did those things. Yeah. Yeah, adventure. That's one of my values. For sure.

Andrea 13:09
Okay, that's interesting. Do you say danger?

Kylie 13:12
No adventure. Danger? Yes. Maybe when I was in my 20s, but not now in my 40’s, no. Adventure.

Andrea 13:21
I'm not gonna here to tell you that you're wrong for that. I'm like, Okay, let's work with that. Adventure for the record, adventure. Well, let's, let's dig a little bit more into that, because there's definitely something there. So tell me more about what you miss about that side of you. And, and I also want to know more about what you loved in regard to that energy.

Kylie 13:43
Yeah, I think when I think of adventure, it's, there's freedom there too. So that's probably the, you know, that's also definitely a virtue or a value of mine. So there's freedom there, too. There's just kind of living in the moment rather than having to plan everything and organize everything. And I mean, I have two amazing little kids. But I mean, if we go who just like an overnight somewhere our car is packed, like we're going away for three months.

Andrea 14:06
It's like you're going away to war.

Kylie 14:08
Yeah, like I remember. Yeah, organizing everything. So and, and I find through, yeah, maybe just kind of stuffing my adventure person aside. That’s probably where I got more into what we also discussed what I also said to you in my forum about perfectionism, you know, I think that because I, yeah, stuffed, stuffed her, stuffed that part of me aside so much to try and fit into this corporate world or the world of security.

Andrea 14:39
Because that's your value around adventure and you miss that sideof you. I what I don't want to see happen is that you make up a story that you need to box that Kylie up and put her aside because now you have this grown-up job, and you are a business owner, and it needs to look a certain way.

Kylie 14:58
Yeah, I had a question. I mean, I would love to bring more of that spontaneity that carefreeness or that, that travel into it. I think that's also a big part of what I love about life coaching is it can be done from anywhere, and I can connect with people from all over the world. I think that is really attractive to me. And I think that brings a sense of that adventure to it also taking risks with starting my own business during a pandemic, you know, but yeah, I feel like sometimes I probably push that part of me aside so much that I don't even know where, how to incorporate that into my life anymore?

Andrea 15:32
Well, tell me what's the worst that could happen? Like, say you completely embrace that side of you?
Whatever, like, let's not worry about what that how you would do that. But just, let's just fly by the seat of her pants like willy nilly, Kylie, and do whatever you want. Like what? Tell me what the worst that can happen? What are you making up

Kylie 15:49
With bigger decisions, you know, like what I was doing before with quitting my job? When I didn't like it, I think that that might come back up. That's probably a fear that I have that that will come back up again, where I'll just be like, nope, you know, I'm done with whatever part. And then I quit it.

 

Andrea 16:05
So you're, you're worried you're gonna quit this new endeavor that you started?

Kylie 16:09
No.I mean, it's strange. I think there's that fear. But it's with this new with this life coaching business for the first time in my life. I feel like it comes from yeah, like me. So like my identity, rather than how I supposed to be. And so I don't think I will leave it because I get so much from it. I see things from my clients, and it can just, you know, you can expand this business, you can do anything in in life coaching. And I think I love that. And that's where I think I want to be able to feel comfortable taking more risks. And I just, I think at this point, I don't know how and that's why I flip flop in my decisions.

Andrea 16:51
That's really interesting. Yes, it makes all the sense in the world.

Kylie 16:57
I keep asking you that because I'm not sure I’m making sense.

Andrea 17:00
Well, I think that people ask that when it when they're in coaching sessions with me, because they are so worried about the way that they're thinking and making decisions or not making decisions, and it's all jumbled up in their head. Yeah. And they think it's jumbled up when they say it out loud. Yeah. Yes. Personally speaking, it makes sense to me. I don't know if it makes sense to people listening. Maybe it's because I've had lots of clients like you. This is how it sounded to me, is that you used to look at risk taking from a carefree place, you know, adventurous and the world is my oyster type of thing. But now when it comes to this career, you categorize risk differently. Is that fair?

Kylie 17:45
Yeah, probably. That's probably, yeah, fair to say. Yeah. Okay.

Andrea 17:50
So when you think about taking risks in this new endeavor, what comes to mind? Or what how does it feel in your body?

Kylie 18:00
Fear wise, you mean?

Andrea 18:02
Any any wise? Any way wise.

Kylie 18:04
Why can you tell fear wise is the first thing that pops up? Yeah, so I think I, I just, like, if I think back to that carefree, you know, 20-year-old Kylie, who just decided she wanted to travel and bang, she was gone. I miss that, I find it just so it was just so free and, and easygoing. And I find now what ends up happening to me when I'm trying to make decisions, or when I'm trying to see where I could possibly take a risk, I feel more less carefree, less of that freedom, less, you know, there's more pressure on the decision almost has to be the right decision. And therefore, I, I never know which one is the right decision.

Andrea 18:48
And I just want to acknowledge Kiley, that what you're embarking on, and what you've expressed is that this is a big deal to you. And it's all yours, you know, you're not working for a company where they more or less, make the rules and tell you when to show up. And you know, outline your job description and things like that, like this means so much to you. Because this is it's heart centered work.

Kylie 19:10
Yeah, yeah.

Andrea 19:10
So I don't want to I don't want to dismiss that at all, because that is very, very real. And at the same time, I wonder if you could spend some time maybe this is your first assignment, spend some time tapping into that 20-year-old Kylie and her perspective on risk taking. I don't know whether you want to get a picture of yourself traveling during that time, to kind of, you know, maybe you do a meditation or whatever it is, to help you get back to that perspective, that mindset of risk taking.

Kylie 19:47
Yeah, yeah. I like that. I'm writing this down.

Andrea 19:52
Yeah, and I just I think that there's something to be said about. I love the term delusional confidence and I can relate to what you're talking about from not so much from a place of risk, but from a place of confidence, like where, when I was 22, and started my first job, I had so much delusional confidence. And even when I started my own life coaching business, when I officially launched in 2010, I had complete delusional confidence that was going to work out. And I missed that I miss kind of the place of like, you don't know what you don't know. Yeah. So I understand what is probably going, that's probably going on. But I really do think that there might be something there for you to do some kind of be, just being still and getting quiet. Yeah. to tap into that to that part of you. Yeah. Yeah. What comes up when you think about doing that?

Kylie 20:45
Yeah, I mean, I get excited because I miss her. I really do. Like, I mean, she was really, maybe too carefree and lacked a sense of responsibility. When I when I started traveling, I felt like, I was finally discovering the world. You know, I grew up in a small town. And, you know, now, there was all sudden, so much more out there. And I was meeting new people, and I love connecting with people. And I discovered that everyone has their own normal and all of these things. I learned so much about myself and about other people. Yeah, and I think I I miss that.

Andrea 21:18
I want to hear more about what is it that you miss about her?

Kylie 21:22
Her sense of, yeah, definitely her sense of adventure, her sense of you know, that carefreeness that, you know, it will all work out. Do what makes you feel good. Enjoy the moment, enjoy the process, because I have to be honest, sometimes personal development, I don't enjoy the process. Yeah, she just sort of what you said that delusional confidence. She just did it. And without thinking, you know, she just saw the opportunity and took it.

Andrea 21:47
She didn't overthink things.

Kylie 21:49
Not at all.

Andrea 21:50
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What do you feel might be a happy medium? So like tell me what it might look like when you're faced with a decision. And you aren't behaving the way that you do currently by overthinking it and feeling paralyzed, and you're not making just rash decisions, like the old guy is not thinking about consequences like what do you think might be a happy medium? And what would that look like? If you want to give me an example maybe on a project that that you kind of keep flipping back and forth with?

Kylie 24:52
Yeah, like okay, so that's a good one and I want to create an online course. What I end up doing is, you know, spending way too much time I'm researching the best platform for it and how I want to get it out there rather than actually creating the course. And everything stays stuck in my head. And that's one of the ideas that I have. And then I spent all that time researching it, which I guess is probably not fun. And maybe that's why I give up on it. Because I'm doing all the non-fun stuff. It’s boring. Yeah. Like, who really wants to spend all day researching the best platform? You know? And maybe that's what it is. Maybe the happy medium is just actually doing the fun stuff. You like creating the course? Because that's where my mind is. That's what I you know, get all of that information out of my head. And, and just enjoy that process. And then do the not so nice stuff, after. Yeah.

Andrea 25:52
So that's the way to do it. Yeah.

Kylie 25:54
Yeah. Do you have other ideas?

Andrea 25:57
Of course I do. Would you like a suggestion?

Kylie 26:02
Yes, please.

Andrea 26:02
I actually agree with what you came up with, I think that what would what might be helpful for you is that you have some kind of system where you get the ideas out, but you don't spend too much time agonizing over it or creating it, because to be honest with you, that can become the really fun creative part that isn't actually selling or marketing your business. Like if, if your life coaching business is a hobby, and you have someone that's just gonna like bankroll your life, then then I'm like, go for it. Do all the fun stuff that you want. Exactly. I feel like you need some kind of system. And maybe that looks like Google Docs or the Notes app on your phone or, or Post-It’s. It's like, I don't care what it looks like. But for you to get the creative stuff out. And that might even just look like a list of all the ideas because I have, cuz I have so many Google Docs and Google folders of ideas that I have never put forth out into the world, because they didn't, I didn't end up wanting to do them. So I have a personality that's very similar to yours. And just so many ideas, such a visionary and really poor follow through.

So I want to I want to just talk about logistics for just a second. And then I have some more questions for you. There's there's a book out there called Rocket Fuel. Don't read it. It's I'll just give you the Cliff's Notes version. And I was irritated because they did not give any examples of women owned business. But the author wrote about very successful businesses where there were two people at the helm. I mean, it's like McDonald's and all these other businesses. And there was the visionary who was the person who came up with the idea. And then there was the implementer. It was either implementer integrator I can't remember which which word the the author used. And it takes both. And some people are blessed with both of those in their personalities. But most people aren't either one or the other. And businesses many times fail, because there's only the visionary who's the person who comes up with all the great ideas, but also has very poor follow through who gets bored easily because they're so creative and have so many ideas. And then if they're just the integrator or implementer, they are really great at systems and detail oriented, but they don't have a lot of great, great ideas. So you essentially need both. And what that might look like for you is a VA, you know, is a virtual assistant, who keeps you on task and you know, set and makes deadlines for you and hold you accountable. Okay, Kylie, when are you going to get this curriculum over? We have a deadline of this. And that might be the ticket that you're looking for. Personally, that's what worked for me. I've had Emily on my team since 2012. And I make that woman crazy with the amount of changing my mind that I do. But I'm paying her so I mean, she gets paid regardless. So does that. Does that help?

Kylie 29:02
Yeah, what you said about visionary and implementer. To me, I mean, I, I never thought about it. Those two different roles that you need. I just, I think put the pressure on myself to say like, you need to just do it all yourself, because it's your business. And you’re just starting off, so, you know, and as much as I would, you know, would love to say to my husband, you're supporting me, and I'm just gonna do all the creative bits for the rest of my career. I'm sure he's gonna say yeah, bye bye. Right. Yeah, I like the idea of a VA. It's probably here, I'm gonna say it's something I should look into. But yeah, I mean, I really should give it some thought I honestly, I haven't ever thought of one now because I'm just starting out and everything is new to me. Uh huh. So, but I think that that, I mean, it makes total sense. You know, I want to create some things and I need that accountability or someone who helps to keep me on track.

Andrea 30:00
Yeah, well, I have a couple other suggestions for accountability for you that that aren't, that don't cost any money. And I also want to just say that yes, there are people out there who can create a business. And they, they do most of it. And because I don't have a choice, maybe they don't have the budget to hire out and to be able to delegate and, but I do think that there is really something to be said. I mean, this is why there are so many of those personality tests like Strengths, Strengths Finder, I would have such a hard time saying that, and Myers-Briggs, where they tell you what you are naturally inherently good at, and the places where you struggle, and it sounds like it's pretty clear what you're naturally good at.

Kylie 30:43
Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, I need that accountability, for sure.

Andrea 30:46
Right. And another way that you can have that, and I want to throw that out, because I do think that there's a decent amount of people listening who are who are similar to you, whether they are entrepreneurs or not, but I am a huge fan, and encourage people to have peer masterminds. And what this looks like, is a group of people that you put together, you know, if you, you know, since it's, you know, you're the one who's wanting it, so you can pick and choose who you have in this a lot of people who are life coaches like you, they go to the training that they had, and they talked to some of the other alumni or people that they were trained with, maybe it's people that you went to high school or college with, or your neighbors or, or whatever it is your book club people, and you create this small group, it can be really any size that you want. But what's worked best in my experience is around five or six people, I've always been surrounded by women. And we meet, this particular mastermind that I've been in for years, we meet once a month on zoom, for 90 minutes, each person gets a certain amount of time, we actually use a timer. So everybody gets the same amount of time, and you bring whatever it is that you need. And in your case, I would be very specific and say in the beginning, like what I'm really needing is accountability. Maybe you pair up with someone, and you know, and you meet either in a text thread or on Voxer Marco Polo, like, technology has made it so amazing for us to be able to keep in touch with people. And in your case, hold each other accountable to get stuff done.

Kylie 32:19
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I like that, too. I mean, yeah, I mean, I had a small little, we have just like a couple of us. We were with three, but were We were each other's accountability buddies. But I think it lasted like, two sessions. And then, we sort of all did our own things. So I think I need to get a group of people who I know, you know, that will stick together and that we're maybe all sort of searching for the same thing, but different maybe at different levels, too, because I think I need people to who can push me forward.

Andrea 32:48
Well, and that's there's just ask for what you want. I'm also a huge fan of people asking exactly for what it is that that you need. And I know a lot of people who listen to this show have heard, I've had my my dear friend, Amy Smith on the show, and she's been a big help in helping me learn how to communicate and, and really understand what it looks like in friendships, to ask for what it is that you need to be supported. And for you, I would, I would come with that from the beginning and say, here's what it is that I need. So when you filled out the application to come on this show, one of the questions I ask is, what kind of support Do you thrive best with? And what kind of support do you need now, as it pertains to the topics you mentioned above? And you were clear about what it is that that you were needing? And the reason that I asked that is because some people want a lot of compassion and empathy. They just want to be witnessed in their pain and their darkness. Other people really need some tough love. You know, they're like, I've been dragging my feet for so long. I need somebody to get in my face and light a fire under my ass.

Kylie 33:53
Yes, exactly.

Andrea 35:56
You know what it is that you're looking for. And I would be very clear and more or less tell on yourself and say, here's where I might bullshit you or here's where I might procrastinate. And ask for what you need.

 

Kylie 34:09
It's true. And I think that's one thing that I often struggle with was because I had this idea that I had to do it myself that I never really even asked or thought about asking or thought about sharing where I was procrastinating or even that I was procrastinating. It was like my dirty little secret until this airs.

Andrea 34:34
Well, the gig is up. And I think that that's why I am encouraging you to from the beginning to an end, like let's be honest, Kylie, you're not going to be the only one in the group who has gotten really good at procrastinating on the stuff that matters the most, you know, like, everyone's going to be able to relate or should say most people, if not everyone will be able to relate. And maybe that's something that you revisit every quarter or every six months, you know, what is it that you, that you're really needing and or what to look for where I might be hiding out. And it just takes practice to be able to ask for what it is that you want instead of going around and around in circles.

Kylie 35:10
Yeah, I like that.

Andrea 35:13
Because that's easy, you know, going around and around in circles.

Kylie 35:20
Yeah. And yeah. And then I say to myself, you know, a few months down the road, my God, why haven't I done anything on that? And then the inner critic comes in.

Andrea 35:27
Right? And then you start beating yourself up.

Kylie 35:29
Yeah, exactly.

Andrea 35:30
I wanted to ask you about something else that you, well, let me let me pause for a second. How are you feeling about this conversation so far? Like has anything kind of like jumped into your mind that you want to make sure that you say out loud before I ask you another question?

Kylie 35:45
Yeah, I think really, for me, getting that accountability, for sure. You know, just saying actually, what it is that I need, and calling bullshit on myself, you know, whenever I tell lies, or letting them know where I might, but also, what I really like to is, is the whole focus on the 20-year-old adventures Kylie, and you know, doing some of the fun stuff, too, rather than only the, you know, the research and all that not so fun stuff. Yeah. So also focusing on that and channeling that energy have been really feeling what feels good, I think for me is, rather than thinking so much about it,

Andrea 36:22
There's a balance. And, you know, in this particular business, people often asked me ask me, like, what is a typical day look like for you. And I hesitate to tell them, because what works for me might not work for you.

So I know I have some colleagues, I have one colleague in particular that I'm thinking of, and she takes one week where she has all of her calls. So that's clients, interviews, team meetings, all of it. And then the week after that, she has absolutely zero meetings, complete and total whitespace. And that's the week that she uses for creating all the content for her business. I would not like that at all. It just wouldn't work for me. And but it totally works for my friend, you know, and for me, like, I batch podcast episodes, where I might have four or five interviews in a day, four days in a row. And I'm deciding now and like, that's a little bit too much, but I love getting it all done. And then I have episodes for sometimes months. And you just you kind of have to play around an experiment and figure out what works for you. And this is an all areas of your life, not just if you own your own business.

I also want to suggest to you that in terms of accountability, you could also ask your partner to do it. And this very much depends on your relationship. I have a friend who her and her husband, they have quarterly meetings where they sit down together, it's more or less like a date, where they talk about what their goals are both professionally and personally. And they sometimes I think not always, but sometimes they ask each other to hold the other, you know, can you hold me accountable for this? I this is something I really want to do I want to you know, do this with my workout and, and things like that. So again, depending on your relationship, some people are too sensitive, and they're like, No, I want to keep my partner out of this.

Kylie 38:10
No, no, he knows everything that’s going on for sure.

Andrea 38:14
Yeah. So again, like, it depends, and it might, it might really work. And it might be fun. Totally depending on on your style. So until, well there are just some more suggestions.

Kylie 38:18
Until they call bullshit on me.

Andrea 38:20
Well, you have to be prepared for that. And if it's too much, then you're like I'm getting a different accountability partner.

Okay, well, I wanted to ask you, because you and this is something I think a lot of people listening can relate to is that when we talked previously, when you were telling me a little bit about your, the challenges you were facing, you said that you create standards that are unattainable. Mm hmm. So can you tell me a little bit more about that? And what does that look like?

Kylie 38:53
Yeah, I think I mean, it ties definitely into this, you know, whether or not something has to be perfect, and unattainable perfect before it gets published, for instance, before I release anything before I create it, I overthink it. I think that's part of the overthinking process. Because it has to look pristine when it goes out. And I mean, I've worked a lot on that. And like I said, I mentioned to you too, like I did my website, and I just released it, even though I'm not happy with it,

Andrea 39:21
Which is something I highly encourage people to do. Yes, that’s amazing.

Kylie 39:24
yeah, you know, and I'm trying to do those things. I'm writing blogs now. You know, I just started so, but I'm putting it out there for the first time ever. I used to keep all my writing private. And so I'm trying to but the only way I'm able to do it is if I don't look at it again. Because if I look at it again, then I see, you like my inner critic goes crazy. And it's like, oh my god, what were you thinking? You know, you're trying to attract to attract and, yeah, so I mean, it feels overwhelming the unattainable standards. I put in an obscene amount of pressure on myself to deliver something, which is supposed to be. Yeah, as, as if I'm an expert in the field of, you know, with 20 years’ experience, and and I have, I don't know, like I constantly have to research things what I said to when it comes to decision making to make sure that I'm getting it right. And then that's where I remove some of that fun part too.

Andrea 40:27
Okay, yeah. And then it becomes not not so fun anymore. Yeah, well, what has been working for you in terms of? So what is your experience with you said that you will write a blog post and then you maybe, you know, read it over just once? And then like, is that kind of your rule? Is that working for you is, or is that what you aspire to do?

Kylie 40:49
No, that's what I'm doing now. So it used to be that I would write blog posts in like Word or something like that, or Google Docs or wherever, mostly in Word, or even handwrite them and, and then type them up. But then I would never publish them. Like I have, I don't know, probably like, somewhere upwards of 30,000 words typed that I've never released because I reread them. And then I'm like, oh no, this isn't good. And then I sort of, yeah, I overanalyze them. And I think, okay, then my inner critic comes in, and then I see it as not very good.

So what I'm trying what I've been trying to do now, these past three weeks of my blog, is I type it right on my blog site, and I read it once, and I hit publish. And then if I read it again, it's an hour or two later, or sometimes the next day. And I promised myself not to change the actual content. But you know, if I noticed that I missed a letter, say…

Andrea 41:35
Sure you fix typos.

Kylie 41:37
Exactly. That's it. And it's a struggle. And sometimes I'm like, you know, slapping my own hands so that I don't change something. But yeah, I mean, it's working. Okay. Just Yeah, yeah. But it's it is hard. And I see that, that that fight that battle of that unattainable standard, really, it's something that makes it difficult to to do those things.

Andrea 42:07
Yeah, it sounds hard. And so was benching 200 pounds. But you know, the people who do that work their way up to it and practice and work their way up to it and make some mistakes, maybe get an injury here and there. And then they then they can bench 200 pounds. I don't even know if that's a lot like I just like I know, seems like a lot.

But, like that's it's a muscle that you have to drain in order to do the thing. And Melissa was on not that long ago, and I was more or less yelling at her about confidence. No, I wasn't. But when I was going on what, oh, no, no, I wouldn't I get fired up and I raise my voice. But it's it's of being in service to your highest self is that never ever wait for perfection or confidence to fall into your lap? Because it will never happen. It will never happen. Yeah, the the way to do it, the way to go about having confidence and doing the thing, is to take risks and take action. Take imperfect action. I know that you know this, I know that everyone listening isn't like oh my God, I've never heard that before. No, we hear this all the time in these circles. But yet, we still get paralyzed. And I just I'm going to repeat over and over until I'm blue in the face. And until I'm dead in the ground, I actually want to be cremated. But I want to just sing it for forever. Because we gain confidence by doing courageous things, even if we only have 10 seconds of courage to take that leap. And sometimes we will mess up and we will fail. And we'll get it wrong. But we can always clean up our messes. And we can always try again. And and that's what I want for you and I'm so glad that you have taken that action and and done it. And what I want to ask is that about that 30,000 words that you have not published. What is going on with that?

Kylie 44:03
Well, honestly, I mean, some of it's from like three years ago and that was like…

Andrea 44:07
Oh my god, forget it and throw it in the trash.

Kylie 44:09
Yeah, exactly. That was totally bitter. Not happy me. Oh okay, okay. Like four years ago, yeah, three, four years ago when I was I just recently really dove more in. I was on, I was doing personal development before, but I really hardcore dove into it. And yeah, so it was actually five years ago then if I think about it now.

Andrea 44:16
So it's more like a journal?

Kylie 44:18
Yeah, yeah. All right. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah. So look, you know, I wouldn't, but some of it could probably, you know, if I just fixed it doesn't it would mean touch ups, honestly. Okay, you know, just a little bit of touch ups, I could probably publish more of it. And I'm trying to do that. And I think also now working with some clients who struggle with the same things that I've been struggling with, actually helps me to do these things. Because I think if I'm telling them to do it, I better Well, I should also do it, to take that leap. But yeah, those 30,000 words, a lot of it’s just a journaling type thing. And some of it I can probably use. Yeah.

Andrea 45:04
Fair enough, I will let you off the hook for that one. And just real quick, real quick side note on that is that you can always preface the blog post and say something like, this is something I wrote three years ago when I was in this place, and I wanted to share it. And then you could kind of do it as like a blockquote type of thing. And then at the end, follow it up with saying, here's where I was at. And here's what I've learned since then. So you could say it that way or not. And just leave it as a as a journal and have it be that.

Here's what I have down for you in terms of homework. So you are going to do something where you be still and get quiet and tap into your 20-year-old adventurous risk taking more free-spirited self.

Kylie 45:53
Yeah, I'm smiling again.

Andrea 45:56
Okay, good. I really want you to, don't do that just one time. Like, I don't know, if you take walks or anything like that. Or maybe when you're driving home from dropping your, your, your daughter that goes to daycare?

Kylie 46:09
Yeah, my son to school. Yeah. When I'm…

Andrea 46:12
Okay, yeah. And maybe you make it a habit of having a conversation with her. And, you know, you might do something like, just get really quiet and say, what is it that I need to know from you in order to, to take the next step in my life? Just I mean, you know, what powerful questions are your, yeah, trained in life coaching? So yes, either either your 20-year-old self is asking you questions, or you're asking your 20-year-old self what it is that you need to know. You do this however it is that you want. I've given you a bunch of suggestions. You run with it. Yeah. Yeah. And I would like to see it be some kind of regular meetup that you have with that energy. 20-year-old Kylie energy.

Kylie 46:53
Yeah. Yeah. And it can be scary. Oh, really? When you're Oh, Kylie energy. Yeah. She was just like, yeah, she just did whatever. She wanted kind of thing and without too many boundaries or a sense of responsibility.

Andrea 47:09
Okay. So there might have been like, some room for improvement. But like, maybe you take, maybe you take the best parts of it.

Kylie 47:15
Yes, exactly. Yeah. Okay. You know, the carefreeness. The free spirited the right. sense of adventure.

Andrea 47:21
Yeah. And I was gonna mention, you know, if you want to get out a picture of yourself during that time, like, at a time where you felt the most free, whether it was on a trip or, or whatever it was to help you get into that place where maybe it was a certain song that was popular, you know, in 19. I don't know what year was it? 9 years ago?

Andrea 47:39
99.

Kylie 47:40
Yeah, well, 22 Yeah, yeah.

Andrea 47:42
2001. Yeah. Okay, so maybe like some Jewel, I don't know. I don't know what you're listening to in Canada. But whatever gets you to that place. And then your other homework is to do some brainstorming and think about a mastermind a peer mastermind that you can put together of people who are in the same place that you are in terms of career or where they want to go. And also people who are committed. So this isn't just like willy nilly whenever they feel like getting on the phone. This is they commit to every last Friday of the month, or whatever you decide. And and also this is something that you that you all agree that it's sacred. It's it's one of your top priorities of meetings that you have, however often you decide to meet.

Kylie 48:31
Yeah, yeah, I like that. Okay.

Andrea 48:33
Is there any other assignments that I may have missed that you think that would be helpful for you based on this conversation?

Kylie 48:40
No, I think that's that's really good. I think I think I really can do a lot with this, especially with tapping into 20-year-old Kylie, I'm really excited. I think I might do that after this call.

Andrea 48:51
Oh, good. I'm glad. Okay, well, then I'm let you go. Cuz I know it's later where you are. And I just want to say, I just want to say this. I think the thing that struck me the most from where I'm sitting, when we were talking at the beginning of this call is what my intuition told me was that the way that you are with what you, how you describe, I can't make a decision, I flip flop back and forth. I start so many projects, but I don't finish them. That's, that's who you are. That is one of your strengths, really. And what might be helpful is that you pull from the best parts of that, like what what about that makes you great? What about that makes you creative? What about that makes you a leader? What about that makes you a really great life coach?

And then the other stuff you can find help, you that's where you ask for help with the follow through with the details with the accountability with the deadlines. That's how we become successful at life. We, we dig into the parts of us where we excel that we're great at and then we ask for help with the places where we kind of dropped the ball some times because we all have those parts of us. It has so much to do with self-acceptance and not trying to change who you are or not feeling like you need to be different in order to be successful or meet your goals or whatever you make up it needs to happen.

Kylie 50:14
Yeah, I see some some journaling happening here.

Andrea 50:16
Me too. And I love that you that you're good with journaling, and here's what we'll do. So two weeks, we'll be in touch. We're gonna be really excited to see how things go.

Kylie 50:25
Yeah, me too. I'm really excited. Like, honestly, this was just amazing today.

Andrea 50:31
Oh, good. I'm so glad anything else you want to say before we close it up?

Kylie 50:34
No, just a huge thank you. Really big. Thank you. Welcome. You're welcome.

Andrea 50:38
I'm super grateful for you too. Okay, so be right back, everybody.

All right. Few. I, my hope is that you saw some of yourself in maybe one or more of the struggles that Kylie was facing. And even if you didn't, I would love for you to listen to these these outcomes, this process that she went through, because I have something to say about it at the end. Alright, I'm going to go through all four of her assignments. And here is what Kylie said.

So the first assignment she had was to get quiet tap into her 20-year-old, free spirited self, who had delusional confidence, as I like to call it and I'm going to read to you what Kylie wrote to me in an email. She says: “This has been an interesting experience, to say the least. To get reconnected, I looked at some old pictures, and I did some meditations with the intention of connecting to her. I also worked with a coach friend who walked me through some memories. This was amazing. Now what happens is we chat in writing, when I journal or when I write out a business idea. Initially, I hand wrote a five-page letter to her, she replied, a few days later, with a three page one. Now we sometimes have lengthy conversations going in any case, we do meet daily, and at times, we just sit together without saying a word, it can get emotional for me, but it's really helping me to connect to my more spontaneous side.”

Alright, then her pure mastermind, she says: “This is in progress. So far, we are a group of three. But we're working on adding one to two more women. We haven't had an official meeting yet. But we will meet at the end of every month, I'm excited for what this group will bring.”

Her third assignment was to create a system to get her ideas out. She said: “I decided to set this up in Excel for now, I broke it up based on my long-term goals, then I broke these down even further into smaller, more achievable goals, it's helping me to see the gap between where I am now and where I want to go. More specifically, I can see what I need to and want to get done to get to where I want to go. As this changes, I can adjust my spreadsheet.”

And the last thing she was assigned was to journal on the best parts of flip flopping back and forth on decisions, how that makes her a leader and a good coach. And she says: “I'll admit, I struggled with nailing this one down, but breaking my goals up and getting my ideas out of my head has helped. When I journal about this, I tried to look at who I was before, and who I am now. Plus the decisions that have brought me to where I am now. I think I simply wasn't giving myself enough credit for what I've accomplished in my life.” And then she says: “My 20-year-old self has come up a lot also in helping me see that I've done a hell of a lot and made some pretty important life changing decisions. It's nice having her recognize this is me, too.”

All right. fantastic job, Kylie, bravo, woman. And here's what I want to point out a couple of things about these assignments. One, it was the taking action. Yes, that's obvious. And I say this all the time to you all that we can listen and read and even have conversations about personal development and growth. And it really comes down to the action taking which what she has done.

The other thing I want to point out is getting things out on paper can change your life. Dramatically, whether it is journaling with journal prompts, whether it is doing something like she did with her 20-year-old self that was, you know, somewhat of an inner child exercise, whether it is making a list of your goals, I mean, she put it in a spreadsheet and then broke it down to smaller, more achievable goals. This helps so much because we spend so much time in our heads, right, thinking that things are too difficult or having this goal that is huge. And it keeps getting pushed back and pushed back because we aren't breaking it down into smaller steps. We can spin our wheels and spin our wheels and I feel like you know sometimes it's not rocket science. It's just getting it out on paper. It's just making a little breaking it down into exactly what she did. And that's a lot, I don't want you to ever think that you're not doing that much because big work comes in small steps. And then hopefully you form new habits, you know, she might fall off of her spreadsheet or having these talks with her 20-year-old self. And that's okay. She can get back on or form different habits depending on where she is in her life, what season she's in.

So I hope that helps you. I love having people on here with their real-life struggles. So that hopefully you can see some of yourself in here. Even if you have different circumstances, typically, it's the same kind of challenges that we all face. And I want you to leave here with lots of tools in your toolbox to be able to pull them out and use them so that you can grow and flourish and be your best self and be proud of the woman that you are. All right, everyone. Remember, it's our life's journey to make ourselves better humans and our life's responsibility to make the world a better place. Bye for now.

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