Kute Blackson is back on the show this week. He joins me for a conversation about surrender, and as many of you may know, surrender is a favorite topic of mine. That is why when I learned about his new book, The Magic of Surrender, I knew I needed to have him back.
Kute shares how to unravel human tendencies to control the outcome and instead, be willing to be open to life’s possibilities. He is the author of the national bestselling book You.Are.The.One. and is widely considered the next-generation leader in the field of personal development. I hope you enjoy our conversation.
“The path of surrender, rather than trying to figure out life at every step, is to allow ourselves to be guided by life.” Kute Blackson
In this episode you’ll hear:
- Why Kute wrote The Magic of Surrender and what he learned about surrendering through watching his mother battle and succumb to cancer. (6:38)
- Stay open and curious when things don’t work out – that is the beauty of surrender. (14:57)
- How can one be an activist, act from a place of freedom, and still practice surrendering. (20:49)
- Giving up the need to know everything and embrace the unknown. (30:18)
- How you can begin to practice surrender. (34:01)
- Part of surrendering is showing up and believing that something bigger is possible for you. (43:06)
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Episode 389: Introducing Make Some Noise (my next book)
Pre-orders are open for my third book! Find all the details at AndreaOwen.com/Noise
My Spotify Playlist
Follow me on TikTok @heyandreaowen
Episode 261: The Evangelist of Love with Kute Blackson
YKAL is supported by:
BetterHelp – Use code kickass to get 10% off your first month.
Kute Blackson is author of the national bestselling book You.Are.The.One. and is widely considered the next generation leader in the field of personal development by everyone ranging from Larry King, Jack Canfield, Marianne Williamson and more. He has been featured on Larry King Now, Fox and Friends, Dr. Drew, as well, Inc magazine calls him ‘The Mindfulness Guru Billionaires Go To For Advice’.
He recently received a Walden Award in the New Thought Wisdom category that Unity honors once a year to recognize socially conscious leaders who are making the world a better place, past winners in the same category have been Oprah Winfrey and Michael Bernard Beckwith.
A charismatic visionary and transformational teacher, Kute Blackson offers a fresh, bold look at spiritual awareness for a whole new generation. Born in Ghana, West Africa, Kute's multicultural upbringing as the child of a Japanese mother and a Ghanaian father has spanned four different continents. His unique lineage lay the foundation for his approach to breaking down barriers and unlocking an individual's true gifts and greatness.
For over 20 years, Kute Blackson has been inspiring audiences around the world. From the first time he spoke in front of 3000 people at age 8, to speaking in over 300 venues by age 18, to helping organizations develop authentic leadership and achieve extraordinary performance over the last decade. His electrifying presentations not only offer real world practical ideas and soul stirring wisdom, but also ignite the heart and inspire courageous action.
His mission is simple: To awaken and inspire people across the planet to access inner freedom, live authentically and fulfill their true life’s purpose.
I think we all want the magic in our lives when I talk about the magic I mean, you know abundance and prosperity and joy and bliss and a soul mate. And you know, just a great life. We all want the magic, but we often don't want to surrender. My experience in life is when we surrender what we think shouldn't be. When we take those conditions of life. When we stop trying to force life to fit into our preset idea of how we think life should be, how we think relationships should be, then we become available and open to more so to me letting go is really what leads to more in life, more than we can imagine a more than we can plan for ourselves.
You're listening to Make Some Noise Podcase episode number 390 with guest Kute Blackson.
Welcome to Make Some Noise Podcast. Your guide for strategies, tools and insights to empower yourself. I'm your host, Andrea Owen, global speaker, entrepreneur, life coach since 2007, and author of three books that have been translated into 18 languages and are available in 22 countries. Each week, I'll bring you a guest or lesson that will help you maximize unshakable confidence, master resilience and make some noise in your life. You ready? Let's go.
Hey, everyone, welcome to another episode of the podcast. I am so glad that you are here. Hey, if you missed last week's episode, I highly encourage you to go check it out. I read an excerpt from the introduction to my new book Make Some Noise that's coming out in August. I read the manifesto that goes along with it, which is a free download bonus, as well as I read a poem that is in the very beginning of the book that I wrote specifically for the readers of Make Some Noise. And I am really excited that pre orders are open and also nervous. I just noticed I was wringing my hands as I said that. It’s always nerve wracking, the whole thing. It just is. It just is. And I just want to thank those of you who immediately over the last week have gone to preorder the book. If you haven't yet, head on over to AndreaOwen.com/Noise. There are the links there to get it at various different places as well as if you want it on audiobook and also there's an opportunity for you to check out all the bonuses that are coming. There's some pretty amazing ones. I'm doing a book club, a free book club for anyone that orders the book starting later this fall as well as a free workshop on confidence. And I'm super pumped.
One thing I forgot to mention last week is that I have a playlist that I have been dying to send you all the link to on Spotify. It'll be in the show notes for this particular episode. And it's the playlist that I put together over the last gosh year and a half as I was writing the book, that would you know get me in the mood, if you will, to write this book. And different songs have been added. I just I love it. If you love inspirational motivating music for specific things then I hope that you will like this so head on over to the show notes to grab that. And again AndreaOwen.com/Noise to grab your copy of the book again comes out in August. I cannot wait for you to read it.
A last, a last…I don't I don't know what that actually means. Last thing I want to ask you is will please follow me on TikTok. I've been having so much fun making videos, kind of dipping my toe in testing the water seeing what works. And it's a humbling experience. But mostly it's just super fun. I am @HeyAndreaOwen over there and TikTok. If you haven't downloaded TikTok yet. It is not just for kids. It is not. Let me tell you how much my skincare routine has improved, how much I have learned about history, how much I have learned about making food, the recipes over there, and had just been wildly entertained. Wildly entertaining over there. I am obsessed. I'm obsessed with TikTok. @HeyAndreaOwen, and over there.
Alright, let's get into today's show. Kute Blackson is back. He has a new book. I adore this man. And my gosh, we just had such a great conversation about surrender, which you know, is a topic that I love talking about. So when I saw that he had a new book coming out on that topic. I had to have him on again. Alright, for those of you that don't know him Kute Blackson is the author of the national best-selling book You Are the One and is widely considered the next generation thought leader in the field of personal development by everyone ranging from Larry King, Jack Canfield, Marianne Williamson and more. A charismatic visionary and transformational leader Kute Blackson offers a fresh, bold look at spiritual awareness for a whole new generation. Born in Ghana, West Africa, Kute’s multicultural upbringing as the child of a Japanese mother, and a Ghanaian father has spanned four different continents. His unique lineage lay the foundation for his approach to breaking down barriers and unlocking an individual's true gifts and greatness. His mission is simple to awaken and inspire people across the planet to access inner freedom, live authentically and fulfill their life's true purpose.
Kute, welcome back to the show.
It's great to be here. Great to be back. I've been looking forward to it.
I don't know if you remember this. Because it's been it's been a while since you, you were on before. But I called you an evangelist of love.
That, I'll take that as a compliment.
It very much is a compliment. And you were, you were talking so passionately about your work. And you paused for a breath. And I jumped in and I said, ‘well, aren't you just the evangelist of love?’ And yes, you had that same reaction. And I'm so glad to have you on again, I love your work and your energy and your enthusiasm for these topics. And let's, let's start with with the book because you have a book called The Magic of Surrender and as my audience knows, because I mention it all the time, I have the word surrender tattooed in my own handwriting on my arm. I got it after my father died in 2016. And so I love this topic, but but tell us why you wrote this book and and tell us what's so important about surrendering.
Why I wrote the book. I did not know that this was the book I was going to write. I had my own plan, my own intention, my own sense, and how the journey began was my mother passed away about three and a half years ago. And I've got to be with my mother for about a year of the process. And she was diagnosed with stomach cancer. Totally unexpected, total surprise. Just a shock when I heard the news. And then every I would say every three to four weeks, I was flying from Los Angeles to London, where my mother lived, to be with her to spend time with her to help her with chemo treatments. I’d been three, four days, five days, six days, fly back, go back three, four weeks later, do the same thing.
During that year, I had I would say, even though it was challenging, I would say it was the best year of my entire life, to spend time with her, to be with her, to sit with her, to talk with her, to converse with her, not about anything that seemingly important, but just, you know, I got to the point where I actually thanked the cancer, because it brought us closer, you know, in a quest to build my career and travel and reach people and impact people, I realized I'd been going nonstop that I kind of missed the simple moments of just simply being an existing with my mother and and so I got to the point of just blessing and thanking the cancer thanking this illness and, you know, really started to feel like wow, why did I wait until something like this event, this experience, this diagnosis occurred to really appreciate these moments with someone so important to me.
And so all these lessons were hitting me and, and I also got to see and experience my mother during this process of the year, her basically dying, I mean, she knew she was going to die. The doctors pretty much after a month or two said there's no cure, you're going to die. And every step of the way. I saw her at peace. Every step of the way I saw her just centered. Every step of the way I saw her, let's just say surrendered. You know, to whatever the outcome was. I remember the day the doctor said to her, we can't help you basically said, you have months, if not weeks, if not days to live, we don't know, so put your affairs in order. I was driving home, before I put the key in the ignition, I looked at my mother, you know, I'm feeling heartbroken by the experience but I knew it was coming. I looked at her and I said to her, ‘how do you feel? What can I do, what you know? Are you afraid?’ And she said ‘No Kute, I'm not afraid. I know I'm not this body.’ She says, ‘Kute, in fact, the only thing that I need really is just you to just do what you're doing.’ But what she really said that impacted me was she simply said, ‘I just want what God wants for my life’. And I realized in that moment that she had such peace because she was in, she had surrendered to the will of life. She had surrendered and was in deep acceptance of her experience in that moment and that it profoundly impacted me in such a deep way. And then then she passed away.
And through my grieving process, and after that I had this idea to write this book about death and life and making the most of the moments and, and during the process of putting my proposal together, literally I, I would say the soul of this book revealed itself to me. And I realized that the key to my mother's peace and the key to her life, this was an extraordinary woman. I didn't even realize how extraordinary and how powerful she was. But the key to her life, a Japanese woman married this African guy, she couldn't speak the same language, went to Ghana, West Africa, and just followed her soul every step of the way, which I didn't appreciate because she's just my mother. I realized that this was her secret. This was her key, I realized that the key to my father, you know, my fathers bought 300 churches in Ghana, West Africa, consider the miracle man. I grew up seeing blind people see and deaf people hear and people pick up literally the sand that he walked on, wipe on their faces and stand up. And I really saw that the key to hear his gift and his impact was his surrender.
Then I started to reflect on the lives of so many people that I really respect. We're talking about Jesus and Buddha and Bruce Lee, and Ghandi, and Muhammad Ali and Mandela, Martin Luther King, and you know, Mother Teresa, on and on so many of the great ones. And I realized what made them great, wasn't the fact that they were billionaires. What made them great wasn't that they were the the most handsome people, the most this or the most that. What made them great is that each of them, at some point, surrendered themselves to the deeper calling of their soul. Surrendered their lives to being used by something bigger than themselves. They surrendered themselves, and in that surrender, and acceptance of this is what I'm here to do. This is what life is seeking to express. This is why I'm here, rather than resisting, rather than negotiating, rather than fighting, they just open themselves and just allow life to use them. And what I saw was, what life was able to do through them was way bigger than anything that they could have planned anything they could have imagined. Look at, you know, look at someone like Mandela, who's impacted me so much. 27 years in prison, there's no way he could have planned that. There's no way he could have wanted that for himself or wield that yeah, I think I spent 27 years in prison, and then I'll become this iconic Mandela. This was life. And so at some point, I realized the key to his peace, even in jail was he had to come to a point of acceptance and surrender of what was so that he could open to something bigger.
And so for me, the soul of the book revealed itself where, one day I was trying to figure out what is the book, and what is the title, and what it should be, and about death, and last day, and it was like, The Magic of Surrender. Naw that's too simple, you know, that I was, I was right this here. Now give me a sexier title. No, no, the The Magic of Surrender. Because if you want the magic, and I think we all want the magic in our lives, when I talk, when I talk about the magic, I mean, you know, abundance, and prosperity and joy and bliss and a soul mate. And, you know, just a great life, we all want the magic. But we often don't want to surrender, you know. And so I believe when we surrender, my, my experience in life is when we surrender, what we think should be, when we take those conditions off of life, when we stop trying to force life to fit into our preset idea of how we think life should be, how we think relationships should be, then we become available and open to, to more. So to me, letting go is really what leads to more in life more than we can imagine and more than we can plan for ourselves. And so that's how The Magic of Surrender came about. If you want the magic, you've got to surrender. But in many years, we don't.
it seems I think, at face value, a little counterintuitive. And I want to just tag on to your evangelizing there and say that it took me a long time to realize that what you're selling is true. You know, when I you know, prayer for me looks different than it used to.
But in its simplest forms, I just, you know, close my eyes and ask the guides and angels to, now I just asked them to, to give me whatever strength, patience, my gifts and talents, whatever I was meant to do to serve this world, please allow me to be open enough to serve it. And before I used to ask for specific things, especially about other people. Like please make that person behave differently. So I'll be happier and I'll get what I want. That never worked out.
That's called a recipe for suffering.
I was suffering so much Kute. And now I really, and am sure people want more of a strategy than that. And that's it and it's so much more relaxing.
It really is. Look, there comes a point where if you really look at your life, my life when I say your life, my life, our life, all of our lives, how much they're trying to control life really, really, really work. If you look at last year 2020, we all had these great plans, we came into 2020. This is the year 2020. 2020 vision. The mystical year, the sacred year. Oh my god, this is the year of transformation. And we're going to do this, and we're going to do that. January, February, boom, March, this totally unexpected beat. To me, that's the divine. That's the universe reminding us wait a second, wait a second people, you thought you were in control of life, but are you really?
So much of what we do is we try to strategize, and we tried to plan, and we tried to manipulate, and we tried to force, and we try to control. Now look, there's nothing wrong with planning. There's nothing wrong with strategizing. But the challenge is we get so here's the key we get so attached to the outcomes, we get so attached to what we think life should be and how it should be that the thing, that the challenge with that is, many times what we think we want is only what we think we want based on who we think we are. So some of the things we're trying to push and force and make happen, aren't necessarily coming from our soul. Aren’t necessarily coming from our deepest, authentic self. Aren't necessarily in alignment with what is what is highest and best for us. So I love what you just said in terms of prayer.
We think we're praying when we say God, give me this give me that make that person be a certain way that is control, that is manipulation, that is that is negotiation. That is a transaction like God is what some kind of Santa Claus universes have said, No, no, I think the highest prayer that we, we come to because because we then at a certain point, we start realizing, wait a second, maybe what I think I want is not what I really want. Or maybe what I think I really want isn't even what is best for me. You know, if you look at the relation, some sometimes if you look back at certain relationships that you really, really like, I really want this, and you realize that was not even healthy. That was not even good for my soul. It was fricken toxic, but we really wanted it. And so to me, the highest prayer, this is the essence of surrender. The highest of prayer is being willing to be open. That doesn't mean you don't do your best and you can plan you can strategize, and you can give your best to the best of your ability to do your best in the moment to do your best in relationship. That might mean you work hard, you give everything. But then at the end of the day, you open your heart and say, yes, the prayer becomes universe, I asked for my highest good universe, I’m open to my highest good. Because if your prayer, is that let the highest good unfold in this situation. To me, this has become my prayer more and more. I'm not so much about specific goal setting anymore, even though I may have certain goals in terms of projects. But in terms of life, my prayers become universe. I asked for the highest good to unfold in this relationship, I asked for the highest the highest good I invoke the highest good in this situation. Then you are not putting any limits on life. The mind itself is limited. We can't see the whole picture, we're seeing a tiny sliver of the of the painting, or this artwork, or the puzzle piece of life. We're like, I really want this thing. Meanwhile, maybe the universe has way bigger plans for us. You know way bigger plans than we can imagine, because our ego perspective is limited.
So when we invoke the highest good, that doesn't mean you're passive. That doesn't mean you're weak. That doesn't mean you can't be intentional. You still show up and do your part as a human being. But you're fully open, you're fully available so that if things don't work out the way you think they should or the way you want them to, rather than collapsing, rather than resisting, rather than getting angry, rather than forcing, we get curious. Like, if I've invoked the highest good and what I thought I wanted to happen is working that must mean that there is something better, something even more amazing, something higher that is going or seeking to happen that I can't see right now. So we can stay open and we can stay curious when things don't work out. I think that's the beauty of surrender. Its so surrender isn't weak, surrender isn’t passive, surrender doesn't mean giving up, surrender doesn't mean just laying down and just not not taking responsibility you know. Because I think many times we fear that if we surrender, we're not going to get what we desire. If we surrender, you know, someone we're going to lose. I’m saying what if you've got so much more? Be open. Be available. See, yeah, but life has an intelligence and real life has in, this life is breathing you, is breathing me, is breathing existence. It's it's, I s there ever a day that the sun didn't come out? Is there ever a day that we woke up and was like pitch black. Oops, sorry, the sun forgot to come out. It was asleep. No, every single day of our lives the sun rises, the moon shines, the air gives us oxygen, you know this intelligence, whatever you want to call it, is functioning 8 billion people and all the millions of millions of species in life is it's just, there is an intelligence. And so I think we have to trust, we have to really learn to just trust that look at nature, look at your body, look at life. Life is unfolding. And I would say it knows, this intelligence, that we are all a part of that is not separate from us. We are essentially a spark of that intelligence. It knows how to fulfill itself through us if we are open, available, willing.
Yes. Are you accepting memberships at your church? I'd be like, I need a fan. I’d sit in the front row.
Well, you you mentioned Nelson Mandela, and that's had an impact on your life. And people like Gandhi, who are who are well, very well-known activists and Kute, I would be really curious about your thoughts about activism. It's, you know, it's, it's talked about a lot lately. And and I'm thinking of Angela Davis’ famous quote, and I might be misquoting here, but she says, it's taken, I think, from the Serenity Prayer, you know, “I'm no longer accepting the things I cannot change, but I am changing the things I cannot accept”. So how does surrender come into play there? Because I, and I, and I know it's not black or white, either we completely surrender, or we go whole hog into trying to change things. So, so what are your What are your thoughts on that?
Yeah, it's a really delicate, important topic, that is nuances. First, I just want to see there's nuances to it, because there's no black or white. But here's the thing. I think that activism is beautiful. And surrender is not just sitting down and doing nothing. So when there was not just this passive thing, sometimes it means standing up. Sometimes it means speaking up. Sometimes it means, you know, protesting and, and taking a stand for sure. What I found is, I mean, look, if you look at let's say Colin Kaepernick, you know, taking a knee, I mean, this is activism sacrifice in your career that he worked so hard for, because he stood for something much bigger. To me, his actions were prophetic. This is his surrender, he was surrendering to his soul calling to take action to take a stand. And I think he's gonna, he's shifting the collective consciousness. So he didn't just do nothing, he took a stand. That is surrender, sometimes we are guided in a direction, to take a stand, to do something, to take an action, and we don't out of fear. Active true activism is it's following the deepest impulse of your soul, that life is seeking to express through you, even if it's comfortable, uncomfortable, even if it's inconvenient, and following that trajectory of your soul. And sometimes it takes you in directions that you don't want to go, but to me, so when there is to say, I will not negotiate and resist what I'm guided the movement, the action, the activism that is seeking to express when we follow that.
To me, our actions are fueled by a deeper intention than our personal sense of self than our egos. That's when I believe that our actions when we, when we are taking action, in the direction an activism that is inspired from something deeper, then our actions have a, shall we say, more magnified, profound, powerful impact, because this is not just the rising from our personality, it's arising from the soul, the soul is charged with a deeper energy, a deeper consciousness, a deeper life force.
Now, so what I will say that is the key, yes, I believe we should surrender and come into acceptance. What I mean by that is this. When we resist something that we don't like, when we resist something, we tend to give it more power, energetically. Firstly, we will get stressed and pissed off and upset and tend to contract and it will, it will have control over us when we tend to resist something, we give it energy we give it power, we're not free. And I believe when we act out of a internal judgment, to me the key is this. The judgment that tends to arise inside of us that that might be this is that, this is wrong. And that is what I think we should be aware of. When we can come into surrender of the way things are, and then a deep acceptance of the way things are, that get, that moves us into relationship with what is and when we are in relationship with what is rather than resisting what is, then our energy is not sort of like adversarial or with the situation or the person or energy is freed up, then we can act, but we can act from a place of freedom rather than a new and let's say more equanimity rather than acting from a place of pure emotionality of being of balance. My belief and my experience is, we live in a world of interdependent polaric opposites. Black and white. It's physics Yin and Yang, up and down, male and female, they're not even good, good and evil, high and low, rich and poor. This is physics is the dow, it’s the wholeness value, life is the whole and contained in life is the totality of all existence, not just one or the other.
And so, I say, don't look for perfection, or utopia, in this three-dimensional world, which is transitory, impermanent, and is the nature of, it is, we live in the realm of duality, there will always exist duality, this is what keeps the entire physics of the world going. The true source of freedom and peace is inside of us at the depth of our being, our consciousness, our soul. So when we can accept this is what I mean by acceptance, the nature of this imperfect, three-dimensional reality, there's always going to be shift, there's always going to be stuff, there's always gonna, our personalities will never be perfect, no matter how much breath work and yoga and meditation and books were not meant to be, it's okay. And then when we can accept the world as that, to me, the world is not meant to be perfect. There's always going to be stuff happening. Where we can come into acceptance of that, true acceptance, no longer seeking to try to make it perfect, then when stuff happens that, you know, maybe injustices and what have you, we can observe it, we can accept it, not react to it, like it shouldn't be, it shouldn't be, and react to it. Because from a place of reaction, when we act from a place of reaction, we tend to reinforce the very thing we're fighting against. But when we can accept it, surrender, accept it, for what it is, then from a place of alignment, I believe, we will be that much more able to move into action, not from a place of reaction, but from a place of true aligned action. And then really not just without actions, but without intention, and where we're coming from energetically be able to be more impactful in the change we make, because we're not like, sort of like resisting it through our actions. Does that make sense?
As you're as you're saying that I'm thinking of the audience listening and thinking, like, I wonder if they're having trouble kind of putting the dots together on when they've had to surrender, you know, have the option to either surrender or resist? Yeah, I'm gonna throw out like, I'm thinking of like, my top three. Go for it. I'm just gonna anecdotally tell you.
So the first one that I remember so well was when in my first marriage, my husband had an affair with her neighbor and got her pregnant. And we very quickly broke up and, and I remember, you know, in the first few days, just saying, like, no, this can't be we have to work this out. And, and I don't want to divorce. And I had to surrender to the fact that my marriage was over. And then I, you know, needed to move on. And I was 31 at the time and really wanted to settle down and have a baby. It was agonizing. That was a spiritual experience. Also, having a moment where I was in the depths of despair, having a moment of peace wash over me, and just not just thinking but feeling that everything was going to be okay. It didn't feel okay, in the moment, circumstantially. But I just knew whatever ended up happening, I was gonna come out on top. Everything was gonna be okay. So that was probably my biggest first lesson of surrender.
The second one was, I was in labor with my, with my daughter, and I went into the bathroom, we were at the hospital, because I wanted to be by myself. And I looked in the mirror, and I looked like a wild woman. And I thought to myself, this is, this labor is bigger than me, like, my body knows what to do. I cannot, I don't have any control of what's about to happen. All I can do is just breathe and trust my body. And it's all going to, it's all gonna come out the way it's going to come out. And it ended up being a beautiful experience.
The third one was several years after that was when my father died not so much when, when he died, but afterwards and the grief that I felt having never lost anyone like that before, was so much bigger than me. Yes. And I tried to have an agenda with my grief. I wanted it to be wrapped up in a bow and I wanted to also have an itinerary. Like someone get me a schedule with the paperclip and let me know how this is all gonna work out. That was rough. That was rough. And I throw those out there for people thinking about where in their life maybe they've been forced to surrender. So you can glean the lessons from them.
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Absent all all-amazing examples, you know, and I think the best things in life tend to happen when we least expect it. You know, I think that's, that's when I've experienced the most amazing things to happen in my life, when…
Especially when we have other plans for how we want them to go.
Absolutely. And many times in the moment, when things are falling apart, we are things aren't going in the direction we want, we, we, we can't see the whole picture. And so, the thing I encourage people to do also is giving up, which is not easy, but giving up the need to know. Giving up the need to know everything. You know, the need to know everything can be another form of control and embrace, be willing to open to an embracing the unknown, because many times we like we think we know what something is, we think we know what something should be. But many times when we when we when we hold on to like, oh, this is what it is, oh, this is what it is, oh, I understand what it is, we kind of limit what actually is seeking to happen. And so I think I think is learning to just breathe, and saying, okay, I'm willing to not know what this is, I'm willing to not know where I'm going. But I'm willing to allow life, which has been around for billions of years, billions of years. This intelligence, to just guide me, and I think are that the path of surrender, rather than trying to figure out life every single step because how often do our exact plans turn out exactly how we thought, is to allow ourselves to be guided by life. And to start following the clues each moment in a relationship, you know, follow the clues moment to moment to moment to moment to moment, and I really believe that if we're, if we're open, if we're paying attention, and if we're willing and available, life gives us clues. And our job is to just take a step. We don't have to have the entire process figured out and just take another step and take another step and take another step.
I use the mantra, the clues are all around me, because that really helps me when I feel stuck. And I need to know the answer. That's what I tell myself. Those are all around me.
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I know for me, one of the best sort of beginner lessons and learning how to surrender was through travel. You know, air travel when your flight is delayed or something like that. Or in traffic. You know, I used to get so upset with traffic. And now I just didn't want, and I still get upset, but I very quickly move into Well, we'll get there when we get there. That's what I tell my kids when they say ‘when are we gonna get there?’ and I say we'll get there when we get there. Yeah, and what are your lessons for someone who, who really struggles with this, how they how they can begin to practice this.
How they can begin to practice surrender? You know, I think one thing goes back to this idea of like, what I've been saying to myself for many years now, I don't know. This is, like literally sound simple, but just taking a moment because we think we know what something is going to be and who someone's going to be and what's going to happen and just being being willing to just say to oneself, I don't know. I don't know. And to, to go into a situation with, practice going into a situation with openness and without any, shall we say preconceived, pre-judge, preconceived, pre-projected ideas of what what's going to happen. Because we're constantly making up stories in our minds as to who someone's going to be and how they're going to respond and what's going to happen and if I do this, this is gonna happen, if I do that, that's gonna happen, that we've already limited life, and so show up to just start practicing notice when you are contracting into I already know this is going to happen. Now we're just living out the projection in our mind rather than just being. I don't know. That doesn't mean you don't act. That doesn't mean you don't step forward. But it means I don't know.
For instance, you you talk about travel, I had an experience. A couple of years ago, when I was just writing The Magic of Surrender book and I kind of zoned in it was going to be surrendered and had this experience to travel now, I would invite people to travel because I think travel definitely tends to get us outside of our typical routines. And so I had this experience where I was in Bali, Indonesia doing my 12 Day event. I finished my 12 Day event, I flew back to Los Angeles, and I had six days before I had to like really get to work. And I was going to just work remotely, so I didn't have to be stationary in LA. And I said, I need to practice this surrender principle I'm talking about, I'm about to start writing about. And so I landed at the airport at LAX, suitcases in hand. Landed, went to Tom Bradley, I showed up in Tom Bradley and I said I'm just going to go travel for six days and see where the universe takes me. I'm going to just see without a plan without a plan, okay. Without an idea without an agenda and just see how this principle of surrender works. Showed up in at Tom Bradley airport. No idea where I'm going. No idea at all. I show up at the Qantas airline counter. How much is your ticket? Oh, we have a ticket to Brisbane. $900 one way? Nope. Okay, tuning in following my kind of internal guidance. I went to EVA Air, Taipei $700. No, I went to Philippine Airlines. I'm just literally this random guy.
You were like just bouncing around to the different airlines.
Bouncing around at Tom Bradley. And they're starting to look at me like what is this guy doing? He doesn't know where the hell, you can ,we can get you to minute 11pm two hours from now you can still catch the foot. All I'm doing is practicing following this internal guidance. This is what I believe we have to start doing. Following the internal guidance and, and not constantly second guessing our deep internal sense of guidance, which we constantly do. But we're second guessing now. I'm not sure. Something’s off.
My listeners also really like to get the counsel of anybody and everybody out there to see they're second guessing themselves.
Yeah, you know, we all tend to do that, you know, we all tend to second guess ourselves in some way. And so here I am at the tom Bradley airport finally get to Thai Air, and Thai Air says, yeah, we have a flight to Thailand, Bangkok, $600 leaves in three hours. Now. I've been to Thailand 30-some times, I have no no desire to go back to Asia where I just literally landed from and something, something says catch this flight. I’m like, come on universe. Kute, you said you weren't going to question. I'm not going to question this internal guidance. Catch the flight. I catch the flight, figuring by the time I get to Thailand, I'm gonna have guidance as to where I'm going to go. I land in land in Bangkok. I'm standing at the airport waiting for the guidance, no guidance. I'm like, damn it, and then I hear, feel this internal sense. Go to Bali. Now I'm thinking I'm crazy because I just came from Bali. Yeah, I'm going back to Bali, go back to Bali like literally three days later. I land in Bali. I'm just following I'm just said I'm going to surrender. I'm going to follow. I land in Bali. My my driver picks me up. He says, Kute, what are you doing back here? I I don't know. All I know, something guided me here. Literally, I stayed one day. I woke up the next day. I'm going to go get some food at my favorite restaurant in Ubud in Bali. And something, the same impulse. It's not a big impulse but like a voice. It's just a very subtle sense, pushes me to say don't go to that restaurant. Go to this other restaurant. The vegan restaurant. I don't feel like vegan food right now. Go to this restaurant. I go to this restaurant to see, two tables open. 6 seat table, two seat table. They sit me at the six-seat table. I'm sitting at a table going okay universe, I have no idea what the hell I'm doing back where I started. But I'm available and I'm open and I don't know.
Literally within 15 minutes sitting there journaling, open available not knowing why I'm here, a guy walks through the door. I look at this guy now. This was a guy in the middle of a jungle in Bali. Okay, this was a guy, who fif, who like I'd say 14 years ago, I had tried to move heaven and earth to connect with I was calling him up, I was tracking him down, I was sending emails to his office, because I really wanted to do a project with this guy, I wanted to do a TV project with this guy. For this guy was the exact person we needed to connect with. Everyone was like, you need to connect with this guy, and it's gonna be a media mogul guy. And there he is, in the middle of Bali, in the jungle walks through the door by himself with, actually with a friend. And then his friend looks around, he walks back out because there's no seats, his friend sits next to me and says, can me and my friend sit here. I'm like, sure. She called him back, he sits on my right, she sits on my left her and I start talking and we start joking around. He turns to me, him and I start talking for three hours.
This guy who I tried to connect with, you know, 14 years ago, I literally was like stalking the person thinking this is…And and here he is the universe brought him to my doorstep right there. And then he says, as he leaves, we have this amazing conversation, he goes, we're supposed to do stuff together. And as he leaves, he says, give me your cell phone number. And he texts me and the text was ‘great to meet you, we're going to do some stuff, God's plan’. So sometimes you can't plan you can't plan what the universe can do. I could never plan that. So give up the need to know. Just, it sounds simple. But just start following, just start following. Practically maybe just the as a training, maybe just take a weekend, a couple of hours on a weekend and just get lost in your city and just practice following without, you know, your mind intention and just see where it leads you.
And I think curiosity is really important to the spirit of being curious. And so that that's, that's, that's where I think people can start giving up this idea of, I have to know where I'm going. I have to know, I have to know where I’m going. There's something inside of you that knows. And it will what I'm what I'm enforcing is it will guide you in ways you cannot imagine that is the point. Whatever you plan with your mind, okay is limited to the understanding of your mind and your past experience. Whatever you open to a new available to can then there's no limits to what life can express. You do your part, and life meet you in that moment of grace.
What a great story. Oh my gosh, I didn't know where that was going. I mean…
That's not even half the story. Because there was something that there was something that happened from there that I went ended up in Hong Kong and end up meeting one of my dear, someone who became one of my best,
Oh my gosh, well, I mean, so I mean, I I'm sure you're not recommending especially you know, women all by themselves, like go to the airport. And then just, but I love your I love your what I've learned kind of more practical advice about… Just when you were saying that I was thinking to myself, you know, it would be a smaller scale of that is going to the bookstore go into maybe like a larger bookstore or even a small independent one. We got to support them too. And just asking that, you know, God, the universe, your angels and guides, the energy around you, whatever it is that you want to ask to guide you to wherever, whatever books that you need in the moment, see what happens.
Yeah, whatever book you need, we'll just see, see what happens. Be open, be willing to not know. That doesn't mean you don't. But here's the thing, we still have to show up. See, that's the thing that people don't understand. People think surrender is just what I sit there on my couch and just watch. No, yeah, you've got to show volunteer to life and give everything is not going you've got to show up and move in the direction. Each step of the way life reveals to you more because here's what happens when you select six part of surrender is the willingness to surrender the showing up and taking the action and going with uncomfortable, going sometimes where it's scary, going sometimes where you don't want to go, letting go of some of the things that you've become comfortable with, letting go of the comfort zone, letting go of the known, letting go of also all of the things and the situations and the relationships that are no longer in alignment with who you are.
To me, the next level of our life requires, the next level of ourselves. And so when we let go, and when we show up, we learn lessons at that place. We learn lessons in that relationship. When we show up, when we give our very best in that moment, we learn lessons and we become more, we evolve our consciousness, we become more developed within ourselves. Then I think we become more able to to fulfill the next level of our purpose. Then life is able to give us more. Life is able to give us more responsibility, more a bigger platform, a bigger a bigger environment to express our gifts through. But if we just don't show up and we just sit there and wait for the universe to do it for us. Yeah, we don't really develop the mental the emotional, the spiritual capacity to be ready to fulfill our dream of vision so we have to show up and show up fully without attachment.
Without attachment. I'm so glad that you you brought up showing up. I, in my last book. I I wrote about that in the very beginning of the book and the introduction, I think it's the the subtitle is, or the subheading is something about, you know, the beauty of showing up or a word on showing up. And, and I, I'm sure you'll agree with me on this, I think that, that one of the very first steps of that is believing that something bigger is possible for you. Because if you're sitting around, and trust me, I've been in this place where you think that you know, maybe just this kind of life is what I meant for I, there were points in my life where I felt like I just was destined to have bad relationships. And just, I thought I was gonna stay at my rock bottom. And I had this this moment, I had a very rock bottom moment where the one I was telling you about where I just was in the depths of despair. And I was so desperate, I got on my knees, and I said, I don't know what is in store for me in my life. But I know that it wasn't this, like this, this place of just feeling so sorry for myself, feeling so hurt, and so much grief and heartbreak. And at that moment, I just became open to whatever the universe had in store for me. Like I am your students, I'm ready for something better, just show me the way. And that's where I had that, that moment of peace, like, everything's gonna be okay. Even though my circumstances were were the worst they had ever been. And it was, then we're just these small kind of crumbs just got put in front of me like, okay, here's this person, here's this book, here's this workshop, here's this job opportunity. And they weren't these grand sweeping things that happened. It was just these small steps that allowed me to build my life back into the woman that I truly was meant to be. Because I was suffocating before I had to let go of how I thought my life was going to turn out. And what I want to underscore is believe that something bigger and better was in store for me. I just had to be open to receive it. That's when my life changed.
The fact you've got onto your knees. Metaphorically, you know, like, here's the thing. I'm inviting us to think what from from this moment, let’s not wait. You don't have to wait, exactly. Like let's not surrender as a last resort. I'm saying let surrender as a first resort, from the very beginning and see what and see what happens. You know, that's the possibility that I'm inviting. Typically, though, you know, as human beings with strong egos that as we tend to have all of us.
Well, that's what I had been doing up until that is that the universe had been tapping me on the shoulder for years Kute, to leave that relationship to change your life and all these things. And I was like, No, no, no, this is, you know, I was trying to control trying to control. And I do believe that the universe intervened, and said, okay, if you aren't going to walk away from this relationship and change your life, we're gonna have to do something drastic, like they had a meeting.
More suffering, more pain.
So I, you know, I am here also to tell you, you do not have to wait until you have this life changing moment, and the rug gets pulled out from under you. Listen to those taps on the shoulder.
Yes, for sure.
Yeah. Well, I can't wait for everyone to go out and read your book, The Magic of Surrender. And we're gonna put, we're gonna put that link in the show notes as well as the previous episode that you were on, where we talked about your other book, you What is it called? You Are the One. Yeah, You Are the One, okay. And do you have anything, any last bits of words or of wisdom or evangelizing that you want to say before we close up today?
Wow, you know, all I really have to say is, I just want everyone to realize that this life that we have, is a gift. This life that we have is short, none of us know when that moment will come to an end. And we all have the capacity. To be great. To me greatness doesn't require some special title. Greatness isn't some the assumption being some CEO, maybe, maybe you're not a Michael Jordan, or maybe you're not going to be a famous person. None of it matters. We all have the ability to be great and have an impact just by showing up and doing our part. And so I would just invite each person to see what happens when you let go. To see what happens when you give your your your all to each moment, to see how the moment transforms and the impact that you have. I promise you, I promise you, life will show up and give you more than you can imagine. It may not be what you thought, but it will be more and better than you can imagine. And so if you want the magic, surrender, that's my invitation.
I'm going to take that and put that in my pocket and keep it there. Thank you so much for coming on. And sharing all of this wisdom with us and listeners, thank you so much for being here. For this entire episode. I value your time immensely and have so much gratitude for you. And remember, it's our life's journey to make ourselves better humans and our life's responsibility to make the world a better place. Bye, everyone.