PODCAST & BLOG

PODCAST & BLOG


Welcome to the first episode in a special Make Some Noise series where I speak with eight, handpicked women who are making noise in their lives, taking up space, and shining brightly. I created this series as a way to celebrate the release of my third book, Make Some Noise (coming out August 31st…BUT you can pre-order now!), and a celebration of women. I am ready to share these conversations with you to help empower you to make some noise in your life.  

Susan Hyatt helps me kick off the series with a conversation about women’s empowerment through economic means, owning your power, and asking for what you want. Susan Hyatt is a Master Certified Life & Business Coach, best-selling author, TEDx speaker, and the queen of helping women create what they crave in life.

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Susan answers the question, “Was there a time in your life where you realized you weren’t asking for what you wanted, and if so, how did you change that?” (9:54)
  • What happens when women start to push back on the invisible workload. (15:09)
  • We talk about money and power, including Susan’s definition of power, and how women can help themselves be more comfortable with their own power. (18:57)
  • How women hold themselves back from making more money.  (23:59)
  • Susan has dealt with a lot of mean girls since she put herself out there so much, and we know this is due to women’s insecurities and internalized misogyny. Susan shares her thoughts on her experience and talks about what we can do to disrupt our own internalized sexism and misogyny. (33:49)
  • Last, but certainly not least, we talk about pleasure, specifically what stands in the way the most for women to embrace their pleasure more. (42:53)

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Susan’s website
Susan’s book Bare
Episode 271: Energize and Expand your Life with Susan Hyatt
Episode 291: Shame Shields and Making a Scene, with Susan Hyatt
Pre-orders for my next book, Make Some Noise, are open! Grab Your Free Bonuses! Get all the details at AndreaOwen.com/noise

MSN is supported by:

Green Chef – Use code 100kickass to get $100 off including free shipping.
Find a complete list of our sponsors and their offerings visit andreaowen.com/sponsors. Thank you for your support!

Susan Hyatt is a Master Certified Life & Business Coach, best selling author, TEDx speaker, and the queen of helping women create what they crave in life.

Susan started her career in sales—radio advertising, then residential real estate—before transitioning into the field of life coaching. 

Over the last 14 years, Susan’s coaching practice has grown into a multi-seven figure business with 10 employees, signature programs, a marketing agency, and The University for Life Coach Training.

Susan has been featured on national TV and in magazines like O: The Oprah Magazine, Cosmopolitan, Seventeen, and Woman’s World. She was honored to be a Finalist for the Athena Award, recognizing leadership in the field of women’s empowerment and entrepreneurship.

Right-click to download the .mp3

 


SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Susan 00:00
We hear the word power and we think we are taught as women, that's a negative thing for us. That it means we're to something that's very unsavory. And power is really just connected, connection to yourself and your truth and connection to what you want. Because if you if you know who you are and you understand what your values are, and you develop the courage to express that in the world, there is no greater power than that.

Andrea 00:31
You're listening to Make Some Noise Podcast episode number 401 with guest Susan Hyatt.

Welcome to Make Some Noise Podcast. Your guide for strategies, tools and insights to empower yourself. I'm your host, Andrea o and global speaker, entrepreneur, life coach since 2007, an author of three books that have been translated into 18 languages and are available in 22 countries. Each week, I'll bring you a guest or a lesson that will help you maximize unshakable confidence, master resilience and make some noise in your life. You ready? Let's go.

Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of the podcast. I am so glad that you're here. I am double excited for today's episode and the first reason is because this is on video. Some of you might already be watching it on video. Hello on YouTube. And I don't think I've ever done this. Maybe I have. This is episode 401. Maybe I have in the past. But it's super exciting. These eight episodes, this is the other reason I'm so excited. This episode kicks off an eight-episode series that I'm calling just Make Some Noise. It's the Make Some Noise Series on the Make Some Noise Podcast. I hand-picked eight phenomenal women who I know are making noise in their lives. And I wanted to ask them specifically, how did you do it? What's your story? Can you give us any tips and tricks were you raised differently? Do you implement things now in adulthood that help you show up in your life fully and confidently? And I cannot wait for you to either watch or listen to them all.

I also wanted to remind you that I have some amazing book bonuses. The one that I want to talk to you about today is a bookplate. So if you're watching this on video, here they are. They're super cute. I know that they're backwards. But these are essentially stickers. You may have gotten these from another author. Because we cannot do live in person events right now. This is the next best thing to have your book personally signed by me. It's free, I will snail mail it to you if you go to if you've already purchased the book, if you've already pre ordered it and you've already signed up for bonuses, you should have seen it in there as one of the options to fill out your address and your first name and all that good stuff. If you missed it go to AndreaOwen.com/MSN where you can use the contact form on my website and Emily or someone on my team will absolutely help you out so we can get that mailed off to you. So you can have you can have a personalized a signed copy of my book. And it drops August 31. It might ship earlier. I don't know. I can't promise. COVID has really screwed things up. But August 31 is the official birthday.

Speaking of birthdays, the day that this particular podcast drops, Episode 401 comes out on August 11, which is my son's birthday. He's 14. All the seasoned parents out there who say it goes by so fast. And that feels really annoying when your kids are little, and they're toddlers, and it's just so hard. You're not getting very much sleep and you are working your butt off to be a parent. I get it now I get it. My kids, my daughter will be 12 next month. My son is turning 14 today. And I don't know if this is coincidence or what last week. I had a dream that I was pregnant. So I'm 46 the chances of that happening are very low. Especially because my husband has a vasectomy. And he's the only man I'm sleeping with. Which is good. Which is good to know. So in my dream, so vivid, okay, so in my dream, don't you love hearing about people's dreams? I know it can be the most boring thing ever, but it's kind of funny. Stay with me. In my dream. I'm very pregnant. I'm like, I don't know about six or seven months pregnant. And I am so excited about it. I am so excited that we're going to have a baby and my husband on the other hand is floored. Just like what? So he's had a vasectomy for I don't know Nine years now, and we were at the doctor's office and the doctor said, didn't anybody tell you that this can happen that there's some breakthrough cases. That's what he called it. And I know I had that dream because we're hearing about breakthrough cases. Breakthrough cases, breakthrough pregnancies, and he's like, yeah, it happens. And I was like, yes! I mean, I, whatever. But in my dream, I was very excited that we were having a baby. And I was like, ah, if it's gonna be a girl, it's gonna be a boy. Just all just tickled. And my husband was having a little bit of a hard time getting used to it. So when I woke up, I had a good chuckle about it. My husband and I had a good laugh. Oh, and also in my dream, one more thing. I told my husband, I totally understand if you want to take a paternity test, like I would be weirded out too. And like wondering, I won't be mad. I just wanted to get that out of the way. I was like, I get it. It's weird. And I would be a little concerned as well. But I didn't have to worry. Because I knew in my dream, I'm like, I've only sit down with you, of course, Maury Povich is gonna say, you're the father. And we'd be fine.

So I woke up, and we had a good laugh about it. And I thought, I wonder if this is because I'm about to give birth to this book, metaphorically speaking, obviously. But it does, it feels like it feels like such a huge thing coming into the world, that as an author, we spend so much time and there's so many moving parts, and so many people that helped put this together. And I also think that this book in particular, takes a little bit of a right turn, I would say not so much a left turn, but a right turn. And I am focusing more on what I am passionate about. And that is the socialization and conditioning that we've all received for people who identify as girls and women. And we need to talk about it, we need to unlearn it, we need to unpack and unravel it because it is it's doing us dirty. And that's what this book is about. It's women's empowerment from a feminist foundation. I can't wait for you to listen, or read it, whichever you prefer. And I think that's it. As far as the announcements. I won't go on and on about this book. I know that I know that you've heard a lot about it. I'm really excited.

So I have Susan Hyatt on the show today. Susan's been on, I think, at least three times, and she's a dear friend of mine, as well as a colleague. And when I was thinking about this particular series and thinking about the women I wanted to have on it, Susan was at the very top of that list to have on so for those of you that don't know, I am going to tell you a little bit about her. Susan Hyatt is a master certified life and business coach specializing in helping women get more of whatever they want. More money, more confidence, more energy, more joy. Through her two mastermind programs On the Six and The Mastermind, Susan has worked with 1000’s of women to scale their businesses and step into six and seven figure earnings. The leading voice of ditching diet culture to develop a better world she has developed the trademark bear process is the best-selling author of Bare and has presented at TEDx Fargo. So without further ado, here is Susan.

Susan Hyatt’s back on the show.

Susan 08:29
I am ready to live my kick ass life with you.

Andrea 08:34
Well, the podcast has changed names. I don't know if you knew that.

Susan 08:41
What are you doing to me? What I know now?

Andrea 08:44
Okay, well as we're recording this, it's going to happen like within the next few days, and it's going to be Make Some Noise.

Susan 08:50
Yes. Oh my god. I can see all the merchandise. I am living for this.

Andrea 08:58
I am so excited to to make this change and this book and everything. And so I created this series. This
Make Some Noise Series. You know, as a celebration of my book coming out and just a celebration of women. I hand-picked eight women, you are one of them. And I'm ready to jump in and talk to everybody about how they can make some more noise in their life.

Susan 09:21
You know what I am here for it? Let's make so much noise. I'm like hoarse like right. Like exhausted and hoarse and like dragging and don't play. I'm here. Okay. Okay. Okay.

 

Andrea 09:34
So I know that you are a huge fan of women asking for everything they want. Yes. Like it's like number one on your to do list every day.

Susan 09:46
Number one, it's like who can do this for me like what what am I leaving on the table? Like what what ask am I not making?

Andrea 09:54
Okay, so I'm curious if there was a time in your life where you weren't that woman who asks for everything that you want. What did you do to reckon with that and become the person that asks for everything?

Susan 10:10
Well, let me be clear, there are still times that I have a hilarious story from the other day of when I notice I'm not asking. So it's not like 100% of the time, I'm perfectly asking for everything that I need. But I have come so far. And so the woman that I was prior was a woman who probably like many of your listeners, just I had checked all the boxes, I thought I had done everything right. I, I, you know, went to school and got married and had children and got the career. Check, check, check, check, check. And was doing everything for everyone else, and, and managing the universe. And at the expense of my own hopes, dreams, mental health, physical health, all those things. And I was in residential real estate at the time, when I really had this sort of breakdown in my kitchen. My mom was coming to visit for Easter. And she made me promise because I was such a workaholic, that I would not work while she visited. And I promised her. Okay, I promise I'm taking…

Andrea 11:19
In real estate you're on all the time.

Susan 11:21
You theoretically are supposed to be on all the time. I mean, you are supposed like, you know, I can remember saying to my therapist at the time, that if she was like, well, what if you could…this is back when we had BlackBerry's she was like, ‘what if you could just put your BlackBerry like away in your purse or something for a half an hour’ and I was like, ‘you don't understand if I miss a call, I'm missing a paycheck’. Like that was the mentality. So, I promised my mom. My mom comes to visit and lo and behold, a family that I had been working with for months out of town buyers decided that since it was a holiday weekend, they would pop into town and want to make an offer on something I had shown them like a month prior. And so I got this page, remember pagers?

Andrea 12:14
Yes, I got that one

Susan 12:17
message and call them and they were like surprised were in town, and we want to put an offer on you know, 123 Happy Street. And I was faced with this reality that this was the biggest sale of my real estate career. And I went and on Easter got that contract signed and felt miserable and awful. And terrible, shame filled, that I broke a promise to my mom, but wanted that sale. I wanted that commission. And I came home. And my mom looked at me and as Southern mamas can do. Only Southern mamas have, you know, it, she just looked at me. She was like, what has happened to my daughter like that? You're not right. This is not who you are. And I just broke down in my kitchen, crying because I couldn't ask for help. I couldn't ask for what I wanted. I didn't know how to say no. I didn't know what my core values were. And she said to me, ‘hey, okay, like, stop the breakdown. I'll keep the kids for a couple days. Why don't you just plan like whatever you want to do for you’. Now, here's the real part of the story. I had no idea what I could do for me. The things that came to mind where I could grocery shop all by myself or catch up on the laundry. These were my big ideas. And it was at that cracking point, that moment that I was like, okay, I got to figure out who I am. I got to figure out what I need. And I have to get over this overworking over-efforting people pleasing stuff. And so I didn't have any concept of what it meant to ask for everything that was so foreign to how I operated in the world.

Andrea 14:09
Well, it sounds like you had like a I need to get my shit together moment.

Susan 14:17
Yeah. For real, for real. I'm like, I spent like the next couple of days eating Peeps and crying.

Andrea 14:23
I think you talked about this on another episode that you were on and we'll we'll pop that link in the show notes. That's when you hired a life coach and bought personal development books and kind of started your own journey. Right?

Susan 14:35
That was 15 years ago, 15 years ago.

Andrea 14:37
Okay. Yeah, and I'm really glad that you were transparent and said, I still have to remind myself to ask for everything because these old…it's the conditioning that the bulk of the book is about is like, it's not our fault, that we don't ask for what we want, that we are afraid of shining too bright, that we struggle with, with money like we've been conditioned To be this way, we're doing what we were taught. And to break free from that, I find also that it's a lifelong process

Susan 15:09
You're so right. It is a lifelong process. And here I am the woman who teaches women to ask for everything. Here I am the woman who, you know, gets on podcasts or teaches classes about having boundaries, with your family around your work and all these things. And let me tell you something. So my new obsession is my rescue Beagle Mork the international sensation that is Mork the Beagle. I have a grand puppy named Caesar. The other day, here's an example of how I still wake up to constantly the invisible workload of women and how I'm still in it. So Mork and Caesar are basically their puppies, and they're they like to race around and you have to put them outside and and so they were outside, making some noise, barking, acting bananas, and so I let them back inside and like a toddler, I have to hold Mork the Beagle sometimes, so that they'll get realize they're tired and lay down. And so so Ryan decides, Ryan my son, decides to drop Cesar without asking. I had had a very long day, the dogs are racing through the house acting bananas, and I'm like, go back outside, and then they would go outside and bark and I'm like, oh, let them back inside and try to get them to calm down. So I sit down in my chair with Mork the Beagle, and I'm holding him so he'll relax and calm down and Cesar like flaps on the rug and instantly falls asleep, because they've, they've worn each other out. And I look across the living room, and my husband is sitting on the sofa eating a Snickers bar and scrolling on his smartphone. Okay? And I'm sitting there with my Beagle in a headlock, basically. And I'm like, I start yelling across the room. I'm like, here we are, again, just like when the kids were little, like I'm doing everything I can to get everybody just to settle down. And he was of zero concern to him what the dogs were doing zero concern.

Andrea 17:24
That I that audacity, like, I admire that. Can I get some of that?

Susan 17:33
His response, and this is often what happens when women start to push back on the invisible workload. His response was like, well, I don't have a problem with them barking or racing around the house. You know, like, I don't see a problem. You're just overreacting. You know, that that sort of right, that face right there. I'm like, Oh, I'm about to show you some overreacting. So I was like, so I just like, I'm like, okay, like, they're yours for the rest of the evening. They're absolutely yours. And so then it was like, a circus act, like hilarious watching him attempt to do you know what I do. And that, and it's such a silly little example, with dogs. But this carries through with everything with with managing the household and children and prescriptions and education.

Andrea 18:25
If it was just the dogs, it would not be that big of a deal, right? But it's the mountain that piles up and just bleeds out into everywhere.

Susan 18:33
Here I am reminded of how insidious it's in the air we breathe. It's It's how we were raised. It's like, of course, I'm just going to assume that responsibility for these animals. So I'm texting my son, I'm like, come get your dog. Come get your baby. I'm good. Come get Cesar, because he's, he needs to go home now.

Andrea 18:57
Well, let's talk about money and power. Yeah. which I know is also on the top of your to do list.

Susan 19:02
I love that you said it that way. Check that is at the top of my to do list.

Andrea 19:10
Yes, please. Yes. Well, and I know a large part of your work is, is empowering men, women through economic means. Yeah. And I feel it's my opinion that women struggle with money partly because of the power involved in it. Whether that's, you know, asking for more money at work, raising your rates if you're a service provider, you know, all the things. And so, let's talk about like, how do you I want to know how does Susan Hyatt define power? Let's start there.

Susan 19:40
Hmm. I just I define power is connection to self. We hear the word power and we think we are taught as women that that's a negative, that's a negative thing for us. That it means we're to something that's very unsavory, and power is really just connected connection to yourself and your truth and connection to what you want. Because if you if you know who you are, and you understand what your values are, and you develop the courage to express that in the world, there is no greater power than that. But we do live in a world where in order for us to have a seat at the table, have the ability to elect officials that will advocate for us and all those things that takes money. And so the more money a woman can have, the more practical power she can flex.

Andrea 20:35
Agreed. It was interesting when I was doing the research for that chapter, and I did not set I set out to write about power at all. I started writing about money and have never written about money in either of my two previous books. But I felt like if I'm going to talk about the culture that raised us and the things that are holding us back, you have to talk about money.

Susan 20:57
Yeah, you have to Yeah.

Andrea 21:00
And when I started writing about it, I started realizing and I'm like, there's so, it is so interlaced with power and who's written about this before me where I can research and so there's, there's not a whole lot written about women in power. There's one great book but and I also read Suzy Orman's Women and Money, which it was very interesting. And so that's why I love to get other women to take who have experience feeling more comfortable, both with money, as well as power. And in the book I talk about, Brené Brown talks about power, and telling, talking about the differences between power over versus power within. Because what we have examples of largely in this capitalistic culture is power over and people wielding it, to not do great things, or we think that's the only way to get there. So we choose proximity to it, and try to be more like men, when oftentimes, that's not our inherent nature, and not how we really want to be deep inside with our values.

So it's complicated. I'm still very much in the infancy of learning about it.

Susan 22:13
Yeah, yeah, I think we all are.

Andrea 23:15
Yeah, it's, it's super fascinating.

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Let's continue to talk about money and what but what are some things that you see women doing that hold them back from making more money that they can work on?

Susan 23:59
You're right, I work with women every day on this, it comes up with the entrepreneurs that I work with. And typically when I'm working with a female entrepreneur, she's undercharging, she's either not charging or under charging, or over efforting to get that money. And working with with a female entrepreneur, it often sounds like well, do you really think people would pay that? And I don't know and is it too much? And what will people think and all that kind of stuff. And I'm working on a project with my Snickers-eating-dog-ignoring husband, Scott.

Andrea 24:38
You're doing a partnership with Snickers.

Susan 24:43
We're doing a partnership. But we're working on this project called Women invested because he has spent his career in commercial real estate and development and only 1% of assets managed are female owned, which drives me crazy. And so I it's been a long time coming. We're working on this project together where I want to get information to women on how how to do this, because it's an old white man's club, like, right, most women, and particularly black women or women of color, have no idea. They're not, we've not been included in the conversation of how to do these things, or who to go to. And so when I sat down with him one Sunday, and sort of, I said, let's just brainstorm what all the topics of the videos and audios would be. And so it was fun, like coming up with that stuff.

But once we got it all put together, and I started talking about the different ways we could price it. I was like, okay, so there could be sort of this classic level where they get access to this, these videos in this membership community, and it's this price. And then we could have more of a VIP level where they could ask you questions, they could have consults with you, that sort of thing. And he listened to everything I had to say. And let's say I said $997, to $1497. And he kind of looked at me, and he was like, ‘okay, so this information is very valuable. And I'm not showing up for anything less than a couple thousand dollars’. And he looked at me like I was crazy.

Andrea 26:27
To even, to even think it could be less than that.

Susan 26:30
And that energy. And it wasn't it actually wasn't arrogant. I mean, I'm saying it kind of arrogantly, but he was just sort of like, ‘oh, and if you want me to show up for like Facebook, Q and A's, then it's this’ like, what? The difference in the confidence and the owning of like, what the value of the service was so dramatically different. I had to go into all my groups and tell the story because I'm like, the the entitle the, they are raised with such privilege and entitlement that they they value their…that is why they ask for the raise.

Andrea 27:11
They negotiate from the get-go.

Susan 27:14
Yes, there is no, they have no shame in it. And women are taught not to ask for too much. Like how dare you negotiate? Like, Who does she think she is? and all that kind of stuff that just is not present in their world. It's unbelievable to me.

Andrea 27:31
I love that story so much. And I don't know if you’ve seen there's this thing going on, there's oh shoot, I don't remember her name. there's a there's a black woman who's a coach. And she, her whole her whole brand is like think like Chad or something like that, where she creates this persona. And and maybe you could do that in your groups like, you know, be more like Scott, your husband.

Susan 27:57
Have a Snickers and upcharge? You know, like, he was just sitting across the kitchen table looking at me like. And I also remember similarly, I asked him one time when I was doing a training on asking for the sale. And I said do you ever like, in your mind? Do you ever get nervous about asking for the sale? Or do you ever hesitate? And when I say that man looked at me, like I had three heads? He was like, what do you mean? And I was like, oh my god. Yeah. And I was like, like, I said, do you ever worry that there's a problem with asking for the sale? And he was like, what else would I do? That's my job. And I just was like, okay, like we as women have got to drop.

Andrea 28:47
Even like, what's that, like?

Susan 28:49
fascinated? He was just sort of like, okay, I know, I know, it doesn't compute. I don't understand this question. So I do think it's like our work is really unwinding the the cultural rules we've been taught and we've accepted and seeing them for what they are and and learning how to challenge those.

Andrea 29:11
Well, I want to say this too. So it's easy for you and I to sit here and tell women just be more like Scott and be more like Chad, go ask for the sale, negotiate when you get a new job, etc, etc. However, I think the thing that stops them is that the worry about how we are going to be perceived is so real, that it elicits shame in our bodies and just puts the brakes on everything. So I invite women to just get curious about it. Like if you're if they're listening to this and they're having judgments about about Scott or about you or about any woman that they see either in movies or online. Like the way that we vilify wealthy women in movies and wealthy and successful movies. I wrote about it in the book because I was thinking about my own history with money and the money stories that my family handed down to me. And I thought to myself, who was the first wealthy woman I ever saw on TV and movies? And because their stats that say that, you know, the majority of women millionaires are, or maybe this is an old stat, but it was like they'd be they're married into it inherited it, you know, that type of thing.

And I remembered that it was when I was probably I was very young, maybe six or seven. And you're my age. So do you remember those records? They were like little records, and they came with a book. Yeah, he would play the record. And then it would make like a charming noise when it was time to turn them.

Susan 30:39
Yes.

Andrea 30:40
And it was like, it was like old school audio.

Susan 30:43
Yeah. I loved those. Yes.

Andrea 30:45
I had several and one of my favorites was a Fox and the Hound and 101 Dalmatians.

Susan 30:51
Oh, yeah, I know where you're going.

Andrea 30:53
Well, it was the first wealthy woman I ever knew about. It was always men, it was you know, Daddy Warbucks. And always white men. And so Cruella DeVille is this evil, ugly woman who does the ultimate horrendous act. She kills and skins puppies. I know. And some people might be like, well, it's just a Disney movie. Like, does it really matter that much? It does matter. It creates an impression about what it means to be wealthy to be ambitious to ask for everything you want. Hmm, I don't think you should ask for puppies to kill them.

Susan 31:37
But I mean, to your point, right, like when you look at the book, the characters that girls are exposed to at a young age and like the Disney princesses and characters. I mean, it's up until recently, the role models were you know needed to be saved or had to sacrifice or lose parts of themselves to get the prince or whatever it might be as the ultimate goal. Cruella DeVille came to mind as soon as before you even mentioned it. And also like look at Devil Wears Prada, look at you know, popular movies and things and, and I I'm waiting for the Hallmark Christmas movie, where, I know you love those.

Andrea 32:22
I love cheesy stuff.

Susan 32:25
Half the time I'd like just let yourself be corny. But I'm waiting for the storyline, I'm waiting for the plot where the big city exec female executive doesn't did her career for a small town you know, baker, you know, because she's realized the error of her ways of being so ambitious in the big city. You know, I'm waiting…

Andrea 32:49
You need to hire someone to write that screenplay. So she meets she meets a man or a woman that she falls in love with. And then that person leaves their job to come and work or just be her like trophy wife.

Susan 33:02
Totally. And my friend Melissa writes screenplays, so I'm going to get her on that. I'm going to be like, okay, here's the new project.

Andrea 33:10
Here's the new Hallmark movie, I would watch that. I don't watch that.

Susan 33:13
I would too. I would too. There's even on Netflix, Firefly Lane. Have you seen that?

Andrea 33:19
I've seen it on my Netflix. Yeah. I haven’t watched it.

Susan 33:20
There's, you know, there's two female characters one, you know, quit her career and was a stay at home mom, they're best friends, and the other one went hardcore career. And of course, the one who went hardcore career is the one that's like, all messed up has a drinking problem. You know, there's like all this stuff that goes on with her because she hasn't dealt with her trauma. And it's like, wow, I mean, here we are, again.

Andrea 33:49
They’re not setting us up to win. No, there's been some progress, but it is very slow. Right. Right. It's very slow. I agree. Let's talk about because I know on a previous episode, you, you came and told us this story about because you've dealt with a lot of Mean Girls situations and haters out there who comment on your Facebook ads, who send you private messages who are just terrible to you. One of the things I wrote about in the book, I gave a story from another colleague of mine Mackenna Held and she had similar experiences to yours. And what this comes down to, unfortunately, is internalized misogyny, internalized sexism. And it was one of those things when I learned about personally, I was like, oh, damn, I do this to you know, the slut shaming that I've done in the past. The, you know, mean girl stuff that always felt like shit, but I did it anyway, realizing that it was my own internalized misogyny was a sinking feeling and something I'm still unpacking today. So I would love to hear you talk about that and, and, and maybe even your own internalized sexism and misogyny that you've had to unpack.

Susan 34:54
It's a daily thing. Fortunately, my my team looks at most of it, and they'll send me some of the examples that they think I might think is funny or want to comment on.

Andrea 35:02
Or are more tame.

Susan 35:04
But it but it is interesting that it's it's really a study in when I look at we've had such consistent vitriol on Facebook ads that we can like…I honestly am researching this, that they're primarily women that are middle aged, conservative leaning conservative, that want me to cover up that like what I have to say, but they don't how like how I look while I'm saying it.

Andrea 35:36
And what are you, just so people know like, what are you because they're pretty strict about Facebook ads like you can't…

Susan 35:40
I am covered the show. So, I was in one of them, I was wearing a suit. So I'm covered from head to toe, but but I was like looking over my shoulder. So people were like, oh, what is this a like a butt lift ad? What is happening here, and then one where you can see from my kneecap down. People calling me a prostitute. Like cover up. My team actually photoshopped a camisole so that there was, on me, so there was no cleavage showing and it was still like, oh. Then it was like, oh, she's had so much Botox fillers and all this stuff, which what's interesting, and I'm not against either one of those things, but I've not had any of that done. So it's just interesting. It's like, the insults are like, oh, she must, she must do something unsavory to get business. Right?

Andrea 36:40
Well, then it sounds like it's always about your appearance.

Susan 36:42
It's always about my appearance, right? It's never about what I'm actually saying. And then the new crop of stuff are like 20 something males who want to mansplain the message. So they like how I look, but they don't like what I'm saying. And so it's so interesting, because I'm like, Are these the sons of the other group? Right? It's maybe you know what I mean? It's like, generations wise, it's like, these are guys that like they're probably backpacking, they're rock climbing, they're bros that are like, ‘ah, I don't think this actually exists. I don't think the wage gap is a thing. I don't think…’. Oh, yeah, that kind of stuff. So I have these two camps. And so it is it's misogyny. It's two sides of the same coin. And so when I look at that, yes, I'm able to see it for what it is. And then I also like you're saying, I can also identify it in myself where like, particularly what you mentioned, slut shaming was something that I didn't even know I was doing, until maybe say, like, eight years ago, my daughter, Cora, who's only 20 now, but she has always been like this little beacon of justice and has brought me along on social issues. Like she's just lightyears ahead of of where I am with things.

To the point that she was actually telling me that a roommate of hers that there are five of five housemates in this house at college. And there's one roommate that particularly slut shames the rest of them. You know, so if they're all talking about their sexual experiences, this one housemate has a real problem with it. And she was telling her boyfriend that she just could not believe that they are proud of their sexual experiences. And so my daughter is telling me like she's slut shaming us. So my daughter made these earrings and one says slut, and one says whore. She sent me a picture. And she's like, do you like my new earrings? And honestly, I was sort of like, oh, yeah. You know, and so I still have a ways to go with certain things. But I definitely like we could talk about like purity rings, and why why are these boys not wearing these? And, and I actually told my mother, we have a family member that was wearing a purity ring. And I'm like, I need to talk to her because she needs to be having sex and lots of it. And my mom was like, ‘well, I don't know about that’. And I was like, well, I do because, you know what? Anyway, yeah, slut shaming is I think kind of like one of my final frontiers of recognizing like, wow, I've, I've really, I've really bought into in the past this idea of that a woman should save herself and yeah, not be promiscuous.

Andrea 39:54
And the more people you have slept with, what do they call it? What are the kids calling it body count? I think that's what it's called. The amount the amount of people that you've slept with, like, the higher that is the lower your value.

Susan 40:03
Watch me text Cora and be like, what's your body count? Friend?

Andrea 40:09
What's your body count? I mean, I, I honestly hope that…my hope for my children and my daughter, you know, she's only 11. So this is not a thing yet, but just have as much sex as you want. and protect yourself and also go to therapy cuz I still think sex is emotional.

Susan 40:29
Yeah, no, I think that that is wise advice. And I think that's something else that women when they're thinking about power, their own power. Thinking about it in terms of mental health. Wealth, to me is a lot of different things other than just money. And mental health is one of those things for sure.

Andrea 40:48
I want to mention that really quick, because that reminds me of something you told me it was maybe I don't know, it was in 2020. And so 2019, I was in a mastermind that you lead. And I had my best year ever. I signed a huge contract with Penguin Random House, I made a lot of money. We decided Jason would leave his job. And then March 2021, my husband did leave his job. COVID habit. And I had a, I had, I mean, what in the olden days, they would call a nervous breakdown. And I laugh about it now, it was not funny at the time. It was it was really difficult. And I've talked about it on another podcast episode. My mental health was suffering. And it was it had come to a head from years and years of trauma that wasn't totally dealt with. And so I hired a therapist, I went into intense trauma therapy, and I was looking at the numbers, and I'm like, oh, I'm gonna make less money than I did in 2019. And it would have been the first year that I didn't have an increase. And I remember talking to you about it, and you said, you know, there are so many measures of success. Money is just one of them. And if your mental health is what you make a priority this year, like you're still winning, I remember feeling so much better after that. I was like, that's true. Because I can't continue to support my family financially if my head's a man, yeah, it just, it was such great thing to say. And I just wanted to, again, tell you how much I appreciate that.

Susan 42:17
That makes me tear up. I, you know, I really believe that. And I think we can, especially talking about money and power, I think we can fall into this trap of measuring how well we're doing on our bank accounts, and our investments and all those things. And it's like, there's there are so many measures that it's like, you know, how much delight did you experience? How much connection did you feel? How much creativity did you experience? I mean, to me, there's so many things, and I love money, but not at the expense of all the other things?

 

Andrea 42:53
Yeah, well, speaking of pleasure, and joy, and sex, and I write in the book about the orgasm gap, which is maybe a ton of different topics.

Susan 43:05
Oh my God I love that so much! I need a T shirt.

Andrea 43:08
It's not my term. I wrote in the book, who coined that term, it was a researcher. They researched heterosexual sex. And basically, men are getting off a lot more than women are. Anyway. So let's talk about pleasure, because I know and we're not just talking about orgasms. I know when you're talking about pleasure. And what do you think stands in the way for women? Well, let me just have you talk about pleasure, cuz I know it's your thing. So I want to know, specifically, what do you think stands in the way? And how can women get more of it?

Susan 43:42
So pleasure, in my opinion, is the secret magic sauce to everything that you want, because we're raised to believe that we need more willpower, you know, no pain, no gain, you can't run with the big dogs stay on the porch and all that kind of nonsense. And what I know for sure, is that everything you think you will get from like this white knuckling willpower, you actually get much faster and in a much more delightful way by prioritizing and becoming devoted to your own pleasure. And so like you said, intimacy, orgasms physical touch, that's just one category of pleasure. And let me tell you something, I mean, I told y'all about eating Peeps on Easter weekend and having a nervous breakdown about my life, like this was not something I was practicing. I had to learn this, and learn that let that there's Yes, there's physical pleasure, but there's intellectual pleasure and there is aesthetic pleasure and there’s spiritual pleasure and, you know, all these realms of pleasure that, you know, some women will say, well, I experienced pleasure, you know, I, I take bubble baths or I go get mani pedi’s or whatever. And it's like diversifying your pleasure and really making sure that everything from the journal that you use to the quality of your sleep to the food that you eat. Everything is, is pleasurable for you. We think we have to earn it. You know, we think we're raised to think like you'd work first play later. You know, eat your veggies and then have dessert. Like you don't deserve it and all that kind of stuff. And it's like, No, no, no, no, let let's put all that let's front load pleasure. And then everything else works so much better.

Andrea 45:27
Yes. And I want to point people to your book, too, because this is where you dig in and help people go through step by step process. And the book is Bare. And we'll put that notes that link in the show notes. And I just want to thank you so much for being here. This has been so fun.

Susan 45:46
Oh my gosh, this way, I could talk to you forever.

Andrea 43:36
So a lot of people say that about me.

Susan 45:50
I love you so much! And I am so excited about the work you're doing in this book.

Andrea 45:53
Thank you. And tell people where you where you want them to go. To learn more about you.

Susan 45:58
You could go to my website, the hub is SHyatt.com. I'm also very active on Instagram @SusanHyatt so check me out.

Andrea 46:08
Check her out. Okay, everyone, thank you so much for being here. You know how grateful I am for your time. And remember, it's our life's journey to make ourselves better humans and our life's responsibility to make the world a better place. Bye for now.

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