Episode 410: Betting on Yourself with Kacia Fitzgerald - Your Kick-Ass Life

PODCAST & BLOG

PODCAST & BLOG

Kacia Fitzgerald, the host of the popular EmpowerHER podcast, joins me this week for a discussion about betting on yourself and going after whatever it is you want in life. 

Kacia is the Founder & CEO of She Goes company which is designed to empower women with the tools and community so they never have to GO alone.  In this episode, we also talk about trusting yourself, why it is important to show up for the, “why,” as opposed to getting caught up in the, “how,” and so much more. I love Kacia’s energy and know you will too. 

“When you trust yourself enough, then you can hear other people’s feedback but still do what feels aligned.” – Kacia Fitzgerald

In this episode you’ll hear:

  • The story behind Kacia’s Instagram post said, “Worrying is literally betting against yourself.” (6:14)
  • Why it’s important to not confuse inexperience with inability. (9:12)
  • Some routines and rituals Kacia turns to in her daily life, which helps her to manage anxiety, reconnect, and decompress. (12:36)
  • Kacia wants women to write their own damn permission slip. (21:49)
  • Instead of getting stuck on the ”how”, show up for the “why”. (39:26)

Resources mentioned in this episode:

The Make Some Noise Confidence Course is coming – join us!
Kacia's website
Coaching Melissa episode
Kacia on Instagram

MSN is supported by:
Better Help – Click here and use code kickass to get 10% off your first month.
Green Chef – Click here and use code kickass125 to get $125 off including free shipping.
Banyan Botanicals – Visit BanyanBotanicals.com/noise to get 20% off your first purchase.

Find a complete list of our sponsors and their offerings visit andreaowen.com/sponsors. Thank you for your support!

Kacia is a life enthusiast & the energetic host of the top-rated podcast EmpowerHER with over 2 million downloads the first 2 years. She's also the Founder & CEO of She Goes company which is designed to empower women with the tools and community so they never have to GO alone.  SheGoes has a global membership community full of side-hustlers & entrepreneurs all across the globe & an intimate podcasting course that helps 20 women a month launch their podcasts!

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SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Kacia 00:00
We just spent a lot of time waiting around. So many of the most powerful answers do come from taking action, nd either you like something or you don't. Either way, it's helpful feedback. Either you go for it, and it's the thing that you could keep pursuing for X amount of time until you change your damn mind. We're robbing ourselves. There's so much fulfillment and joy and purpose and all the things that so many of us are like craving our life connection, that we're waiting around for someone else to tell us that it's a good idea. So write your own permission slip in stop waiting around.

Andrea 00:32
You're listening to Make Some Noise Podcast episode number 410 with guest Kacia Fitzgerald.

Welcome to Make Some Noise Podcast, your guide for strategies, tools and insights to empower yourself. I'm your host, Andrea Owen, global speaker, entrepreneur, life coach since 2007, an author of three books that have been translated into 18 languages and are available in 22 countries. Each week, I'll bring you a guest or a lesson that will help you maximize unshakable confidence, master resilience and make some noise in your life. You ready? Let's go.

Hey, everyone, welcome to another episode of the podcast. I am so glad that you are here. Happy October for all you fall-loving people or Halloween-loving people I love this time of year. And I also am loving this time of year because starting on October 15 we are opening up registration for the Confidence Course. The Make Some Noise Confidence Course is coming. It is going to be an eight-week extravaganza. Not to sound dramatic. I'm excited about this because it's been so long since I've, I have facilitated a group program like this and by myself. I co-hosted the the writing experience with my friend Amy Ahlers, but I don't very often teach programs all by my lonesome. I'm really excited about this because we're going through each and every chapter of Make Some Noise. And I love being able to dig in with all of you, as we're doing right now in the free book club for Make Some Noise. For those of you that are a part of it. It's so fantastic to hear your unique situations and how you're coming up on obstacles and challenges as you try to make more noise in your life. So I'm super pumped for this. If you go to AndreaOwen.com/confidence that's where the info page will be. And you can sign up if you're already on my my email subscription list, then you'll see the emails. But you know, sometimes they go to the promotions folder in Gmail, and you never see ‘em, I happens to me all the time, I opened up that inbox and I'm like, Oh my god, there's so much in here. So if you want to be a part of it, y'all it's $97. I'm keeping it super affordable. I want as many people to be able to come in as possible to have the community too. That's one of the biggest takeaways of these of these programs is the community of women that gather to talk about their wins and celebrations and their unique challenges. It's so nice to know that you're not the only one, right it's so nice to know that. So AndreaOwen.com/confidence or you can grab the link in the show notes for this particular episode.

I also just want to say a big heartfelt thank you to all of you who've purchased Make Some Noise and who are reading it and tagging me on social media. And those of you who have left reviews on Amazon and Audible and Goodreads, especially, those are probably the three main ones that people look at the most and they matter so much. So so so much to authors, it matters to people who are who are thinking about purchasing the book or you know, listening to it on Audible and it matters to publishers at the end of the day, it matters. So I really truly appreciate those of you that have taken the time to do that. And if you haven't, again, Amazon especially if you bought it from Amazon because it comes up as a verified purchase. It makes a difference. Or Audible and Goodreads if you are a fan of Goodreads, and if you're not, I love Goodreads. It's an app and I just love keeping track of all the books that I want to read. That's the main reason I use it. And I like following some of the authors that I read and as well as read some reviews over there but people are pretty serious on Goodreads like they make it a career of writing these long well thought out reviews. It's kind of amazing. Anyway, thank you again for that.

And I'm pumped because Kacia is on the show today I've been on her podcast, a couple of times this young woman is so incredible. You'll you'll hear me talk about how I want to adopt her as my little sister in the show. And so for those of you that don't know or let me tell you a little bit about Kacia. Kacia is a life enthusiast and the energetic host of the top rated podcast Empower Her with over 2 million downloads in the first two years. She's also the founder and CEO of She Goes Company which is designed to empower women with the tools and community so they will never have to go alone. She Goes has global membership community full of side hustlers and entrepreneurs all across the globe and an intimate podcasting course that helps 20 women a month launch their podcasts. So without further ado, here is Kaciaa.

Kacia Fitzgerald is finally on the show.

Kacia 05:48
I'm so excited to be here Andrea, thank you so much for having me. I'm pumped.

Andrea 05:53
I was flipping through Instagram and I saw one of your so super energetic posts and was like, why have I not had Kacia on the show? I told you when I was on your show a couple years ago that I wanted to adopt you as my little sister.

Kacia 06:07
And I was so honored and I will gladly take that any day thank you.

Andrea 06:14
I love your energy and I know that everybody else will too so let's jump in and I was trolling your Instagram and I love these little blue post it notes that you put up on your mirror and you take a picture of your your smiling face and one that's that's recent as we're recording this that jumped out at me that I am obsessed with is you said ‘worrying is literally betting against yourself’. So can you say a little bit more about that and what made, was there some moment that you had where you decided to write that down and post it?

Kacia 06:42
Yeah, I think so often, you know, we've got a precious amount of brain power, right and energy to put towards anything and what I catch myself doing is when I'm worried about things, if I think about it, most often the things that I've worried about in the past they didn't actually happen and it's it's like I can spend that energy worrying to plan out hypothetical negative situations and starting to think about like well what could happen if this doesn't work out the way that I thought or this doesn't work out the way that I thought but I can't control the outcomes of so much. And the only thing that I can control is the thoughts that I'm thinking which then drives my behavior and my action and my perception of the world at large. So it just it feels like I'm betting against my own ability to control my thoughts and that's something that I know I can do no matter what's going on in the world around me so for me, we're about to make a really big change in our life. My fiancé is a dentist and he's actually going to be coming to join me in my business to help with a couple of projects that we're working on. Big change obviously playing out a lot of like…

Andrea 06:42
So he's gonna wait he's gonna retire from dentistry?

Kacia 08:01
So he's going to basically go into like volunteering with dentistry and then he's going to like probably do more like outreach type of stuff but he went to school for you know a lot of time to become a dentist got into this field liked it but isn't sure if it's the right career path for him. I think he's realizing that a lot of people's anxiety that they project onto their dentist is just kind of wearing on him of being in that that type of a role and he's like gosh, I just love business and I love to help you. We've got a couple of ideas of things that we want to work on together, he's got a lot of ideas of things he wants to do. And naturally with any change that's happening there's certain emotions that come up of like oh my gosh, you know, how are we going to like navigate this? All the things that have come in with that. In the past I've supported both of us financially when he was going through dental school. So I had to almost just remind myself and just keep really grounded in this idea that it's like I get to control how I think about this and this is something that we're really excited about and I let myself feel the full like human experience of you know that those thoughts that come in they're like oh my gosh, am I capable of this? Like Is this a good idea? But at the root of it it's like I believe in my ability to figure it out and I extra believe in my ability to figure it out with this person. So like let's go right so it's kind of like a reminder to myself but also other people tell too.

 

Andrea 09:12
Yeah, I love everything about that and I was, I had a woman on my podcast I coach people on on the show every once in a while and her name is Melissa I can drop that link in the show notes and and we were talking about confidence and taking action and that whole topic and that's one of the things that I was emphasizing to her is always bet on yourself and I don't remember where I heard it. I think it was early on in my personal development journey there was a woman mentor who knows maybe I saw it on Pinterest or like an inspirational quote but I that's struck me so much. And and hearing women talk about you know you're you're going to face so many obstacles and there are going to be people who bet against you. And you know, I think especially women In marginalized communities, like they walk into rooms and face even more obstacles then you and I would face. So all that being said, it's like, it can help so much if you bet on yourself. And confidence is is a bigger topic that we can talk more about.

But there's something else that you like to talk about, too, that I think is directly related to, to confidence. And you said, Don't confuse inexperience with inability. So can you say more about that?

Kacia 10:29
For sure. So I think a lot of times, like why I'm willing to bet on myself, and a lot of people can probably say this, that feel as if they're competent too, is because I, I make the act of building confidence, and building belief in myself as part of like, my day to day life. So every single day that I'm showing up to life, I'm like, okay, what do I need to actually do today to move the needle forward? What are the tiny little things that are easy to do, but are also easy not to do? And how can I be the woman that actually does those things, so that every single time that I'm showing up and doing the thing that I said I was going to do, I'm putting into essentially a deposit into my confidence bucket, right? So then I'm going into anything, whether it's something that I've never done before, I know 100%, that if I'm starting something for the first time that I'm not going to be very good at first. Like back when I started my podcast, I'm like, I know, I'm gonna suck at this. But I know that after I keep putting in my reps, I'm going to get better and better. And I think it's really easy when we start something new, to think like, oh, my gosh, if I'm not good at this instantly, then it's not the right thing for me. And I'll, I'm always reminding myself of that, and reminding women in my community of that, to that it's like, it's a simple concept to know that, of course, you're not going to be great at something when you first start. But for women, you know, that might be listening to this podcast that are successful in their career path, or you've crushed it at something else. We know not to, you know, compare ourselves to other people. But it's often this challenging perspective to make sure that you're not comparing yourself to be new at something versus the version of you who crushes that at something else, whether that's switching your career path, or whatever.

So I'm just reminding myself that constantly because I like to try things all the time, which means I have to get really okay with not being good at it at first. And it again, it's easy to say, but it's harder to actually practice when you have crushed it something else before. So that's another, I feel a little post it notes. They're actually like, lined up all against my mirror, because I just have all these random reminders to myself that I feel like other women, though… I have a ton of post it notes and things like that. Just because I think it's really powerful reminders, and I need them in different seasons of my life, for sure.

Andrea 12:36
Yeah, well, we all do. And I want to ask you to circle back to what you were talking about, when I asked you the question. And you were talking in the beginning about you know, there's a series of things that you do every day, when you're showing up in your life. Do you have a specific, because I always tell people like you don't have to have a morning routine to have an amazing kick ass life. You don't you have to figure out what works for you. But I am curious about what people's routines look like in their rituals. Do you have something that you start your day with that helps with that?

Kacia 13:07
I also think that the nighttime routine has even been more crucial for me because I have to focus on getting more sleep, and then turning my brain off because I feel like my brain and maybe someone you're connected with this is listening. I feel like I've got a lot of squirrels in my brain all the time. That's just like ready to party. And so I need to calm them down. So like…

Andrea 13:25
I don't think anybody would have guessed that listening.

Kacia 13:29
So in the morning, like something that I've always focusing on doing first thing is I'm trying to move my body within an hour because of this energy that I want to, I want to be the type of energy that I want to see in the world, I want to create this energy, but I also have to use it as a way to almost manage anxiousness that can come up. So, I have to move like within the first hour. But what's also been really helpful for me is at night, my fiancé’s Seena and I, we have a dog and we go for a walk downtown. And we've done this for years and years, every single night, when we're kind of calming down, we don't bring our phones we go for a walk at night, I just kind of use that time to reconnect and then just decompress before actually going to bed. So it's movement in the morning. And then that unplugged like not within an arm's length distance of my phone time that's blocked out proactively on my calendar to connect with the person that I want to connect most with. And I think for women that are constantly pouring out into other people, it's like I have to be really, you know, really intentional about creating those spaces where I can disconnect from pouring into other people and just kind of be present where my feet are and then also know what type of energy that I want to have for the day and and both of those come from that morning movement and that evening movement.

So I'm not someone who journals for a really long time in the morning or has some like really like eight-step process, but I do things like I look at the habits that I have that are already existing and I asked myself how I can stack something on top of that, that can you know contribute to my overall happiness. So, for example, brushing my teeth in the morning, every single morning, I'm gonna brush my teeth, obviously. So I'm brushing my teeth, and I'm thinking proactively about what I'm most excited about for the day ahead. So it's almost like I'm priming my brain to get excited, I'm thinking about, like, anything that I could run into that, you know, my throw me a curveball, and how I could proactively prepare for that. So I'm literally just taking that time every single day to think about what's happening throughout the day. So that's a tiny little thing that anyone could do. And I like it with brushing your teeth, because it's a trigger that you're always going to have.

In the evening, nd I do the same thing when I'm brushing my teeth when I'm thinking about what I'm proud of myself for for that day. And I try not to attach it just to accomplishments, but like how I showed up in a way that was very, like true to me, or how I said no to something that didn't feel like it was the right decision for me. Because just practicing feeling gratitude for myself and how I'm showing up in the world, that's been a really powerful way to help build confidence, but also to keep the type of energy that I want to have where I'm like, sandwiching my days feeling like I get to focus on myself.

Andrea 16:02
Okay. And I love that you said that, you know, I'm not someone that journals for pages every day, just you have to find what works for you.

Kacia 16:10
Yeah, for sure. And some people that's their, I'm such a verbal processor, and I have like a few people that I can reach out to and just really like, word vomit all over them. Yeah. Sometimes, I mean, there are times when I want to go pen to paper. And that's really helpful for me, but it's not something that I do on a regular basis. And I think some people that is a lifeline for them. And that's amazing. And it's just like you said, you know, finding what works for you for sure.

Andrea 16:34
I've personally found that it's taken me a long time to figure this out that when it comes to highly emotional states, where I'm stuck, then that is when journaling helps, and I don't, when I do journal, it's not long. And I don't know if I've just got it down to a science. But that's how I do that. And then if I need to process something, that it that's not an emotional problem, verbally is completely the way to go for me.

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I also want to ask you about permission because this is something that you talk about, and you tell women to write their own damn permission slips. So did something happen that that made made you start talking about that, or tell us about that?

Kacia 21:53
Yeah, I think so often I just speak to so many women in my community that are just like waiting for someone to tell them that their idea is valid, or that they should do that. Or if this person likes this idea, then I should actually go for it. And I just think there's so much waiting. When in reality, like action gives you clarity. And for me, I have to start something and I can feel this like visceral reaction if it feels like it's the right thing. But if I don't start it, and I just sit around waiting and thinking about it, I'm not going to get any momentum back. I'm not going to get the clarity that I'm actually looking for. I think we just spent a lot of time waiting around. And it really bugs me to be honest, because I just feel like so many of the most powerful answers do come from taking action. And either you like something or you don't. Either way, it's helpful feedback. Wither you go for it and it's the thing that you could keep pursuing for X amount of time until you change your damn mind. And I think if I just think we're robbing ourselves of so much fulfillment and joy and, and purpose and all the things that so many of us are like craving our life connection, that we're waiting around for someone else to tell us that it's a good idea.

But I think truly like to my core that every single one of us is gifted with a completely different vision and it's not going to look like anybody else's. So if you're waiting around for someone who doesn't even have the same vision as you to tell you that your idea is a good idea, they're never going to because they weren't gifted the same vision. Which also means I don't think they were gifted the same problems that you were gifted, that you then had to navigate to make you the human that has qualified herself to handle the dream that's on your heart. So I think a lot of it just comes from like if we can just take action, it's the simplest thing to do. But it's scary because we're not just worried about other people. Like you know what they think of us. We're worried about if it feels and what they're gonna think about us and if we're not loved and they don't like us anymore and we're just we're playing this game that it's like just go you have one shot Yeah, so write your own permission slip and stop waiting around.

Andrea 23:56
Oh my god, you need to make, you need to make like a T shirt line with all these things. I love them so much. Well, I especially love this. So let's stay here for a minute because I have found the same thing in my community of amazing women and myself too. I have gone through periods where seeking the counsel of other people became like a full-time job. And then I also think this is why people seek out psychics. If you didn't tell me that this is a good idea that I'm going in the right direction or what's in my future. And I went, so a few years ago I decided that I was going to stop doing that because one of my really good friends pointed it out. And she was like Andrea you always ask us you know yada yada yada, and I think you already know. And I was like huh. I was so appreciative that she pointed that out, and and it's interesting because I have a lot of confidence but it it as my life and business started to uplevel. That's when I started to seek out the counsel of my friends. And like, let's be honest, I have some really smart friends. Yeah. But do they know better? Sometimes, but why not bet on myself first and give myself permission and just see what's in there before I need and then and then see if I need to seek the counsel of other people.

Kacia 25:23
Yeah, for sure. It's, I think it's really valuable, because so it's interesting, because there's this other side of it, where some people are like, don't worry about what anyone else thinks like just do you blinders on. And I think in theory, that makes sense but as humans, we're wired to want to belong so it actually doesn't make sense, right? So it's kind of like having that curiosity of hearing other people's opinions, because you're curious as to what they might be able to contribute to make your idea even better. But then staying in line with what what you actually believe is true. And I think that's going to be continued to get harder and harder for me in my career. Because a lot of people that have done things that I haven't done yet, where it's like reminding myself that just because they've done things in that space, that I still do know what's best for me, because I'm the one that's living this life. I'm the one that's gonna have to show up and put the reps in and actually put the work in. So it's like, reminding yourself, of why you like, why you are uniquely qualified to live your own life is because of the strengths and the weaknesses that you have. So someone else can offer their opinion, but it's like, it's listening to your own intuition. I think that's easier to say than actually do. But it comes from that practice, right, of like, when you when you trust yourself enough that you can hear other people's feedback, but still do what feels aligned. And yeah, I feel like it just takes time too.

Andrea 26:48
It does, it does and it takes practice and it takes failing and all of those things that I wrote about that and How To Stop Feeling Like Shit. The zero fucks mentality, don't care what anybody else thinks. And you do have to get to a point where yes, but realize that who do you want to actually give fucks and it should be a very short list of people you know, for you, it's probably your fiancé, maybe close colleagues that you know, your parents like and sometimes and sometimes it's not people's parents, like they're not on the list. Yeah, it's making sure you really know who that close group of people is whose opinions you care about and that they their opinions matter. And the rest of the world doesn't and that's again, easier said than done. For sure. I think especially for women who are conditioned to very much care what other people think. It's a it's a day in and day out learning experience.

Kacia 27:50
Yeah, and it's actually what I've noticed that's been helpful for me too, is I don't get too high or too low on other people's opinions regardless. And I've actually been very conscious like when a lot of people are even like as my podcast started to take off but I had a lot of people that I'm kind of still early in the early stages of it where you know a lot of people were giving me a lot of praise for it I'm like I can't let people like that are giving me praise even get to my head and that means I also can't let people that don't vibe with me that don't even know me right, I can't let their opinion let me go too low. So it's almost like finding like what do I think and then to your point of what the few closest people that really really know me, um, what did they think but still, it's what I think most. And not getting too high or too low and kind of finding that like middle ground to stay in my own lane per se has been super super helpful for me.

And then just kind of reminding myself that not every person even those people that you know I do value their opinions, they can't also be the go twos for every single aspect of my life right? Like someone I'm not going to ask advice to you that one of my single closest girlfriends I'm probably not going to ask her marriage advice right? Just like I'm not going to ask someone who's not financially you know, in a better place than me I'm not probably not going to take their financial advice so it's kind of like knowing who to ask while still having those people that are close and then still, even with those close close people not getting too high or too low based off of what they say and that's that's been something that I've honestly been consciously working on too.

Andrea 29:24
I like that.That's interesting talking about you know, not too high or not too low about other people's opinions. I also feel like when you're talking about compliments and praise, that is a tight balance as well because we can, you know, I I want all women to accept praise to get comfortable hearing praise because many of them will poopoo compliments who they will not remember fantastic thing that their employer said on their annual review but they'll remember the thing that's like the you know, room for improvement. That type of thing, but and you, you know, it can be a downfall when you're constantly seeking out validation and you know, for lack of a better word get high from it. And then you can move away.

One of the things that where I've really learned to check my ego is leaning on and very much understanding what my values are not just in my personal life, but in, as a, as a career person. Like, as a person who has a platform and influence. I got very clear a few years ago on on what my values are, and revisit them at least annually to make sure that, that they're still applicable in this season of my life. And a couple years ago, I narrowed it down. And I'm like, it's responsibility, because I have such a huge responsibility as someone who's a leader, as well as trust. That's trusting myself trusting other people on my team. And also transparency. And that's something I you know, I built a brand and a business on that. So as long as I am being true to those values, which is not always easy. Then I'm okay, no matter what anybody says.

Kacia 31:09
Yeah. Oh, for sure. That's so so good. Yeah, I would just thought of this quote that I saw on Instagram. And I ended up like recording a podcast episode about it, because I thought it was so interesting. The quote was from someone that was like a meme or something on Twitter, and it said, ‘we should say to our kids, you must be so proud of yourself, rather than just saying, I'm so proud of you. So they grew up intrinsically motivated, rather than just motivated to please other people’. And I don't have any kids. But I think about that, where even just say that to myself, I'm like, I should be proud of myself, right? Rather than just waiting for someone else to feel proud of me. And it's like, as women, if we can remind ourselves to be that example. That's so freaking powerful because of exactly what you said, where people forget about how well they did and like what they, you know, received on their reviews, but also just thinking like you did the work to get that recognition from the person who said that they were proud of you, or that you did XYZ and it's like, reminding ourselves to be like, frickin yeah, like, I'm doing the work to get myself here. Like, I'm proud of myself. And I should be excited about that random tangent, but it just came into my head.

Andrea 32:20
I love your random tangent. You know what it also reminds me of, and it points to is parenting yourself. So there's this, there's this clip of Mel Robbins up on stage that was floating around Twitter, and I got mad because they weren't giving her credit. It was like in the comments. I'm like, that's Mel Robbins. It's her. But she was, she was, she was speaking at an event she was talking specifically about it must have been like a college crowd or a younger crowd cuz she was talking about, you know, the thing that no one tells you when you turn 18, and you're officially an adult, is now it's time to learn how to parent yourself. And so very few young people are told that or taught that, like, what does that even look like. And I think what you just mentioned points to that is saying things to yourself that either your parents did say to you that you loved or if they didn't, that you wish that you would have heard that you needed at that time, and that you still need now. So what was it again, it was, I hope you're so proud of yourself.

Kacia 33:20
Yeah, like saying to our kids, like, you must be proud of yourself. Rather than just be proud. I'm so proud of you. Because the intrinsic motivation is just that so powerful, like as adults, but it's also to your point, of course, it all stems from childhood things to where I'm like, my… I think of my own upbringing, and I'm like, my mom was an addict. And something she did such a great job at is she still really enabled me to be very motivated. And she did a good job of doing the best that she could with the tools that she had to like, you know, say, hey, like, you're, you could do anything that you want. And I was very confident that I could be self-sufficient. And I could handle things, even despite what was going on. And I'm like, that was such a powerful gift to give to a young child to make them believe that they can figure anything out. I mean, it's carried into my adult life so much. So it's like that was a really, real big parenting when, from my parents growing up, I think.

Andrea 34:17
Oh, thanks for sharing that. And, and I have a I have a framed picture of myself when it's actually my senior picture. And it was my, it was in my dad's house for forever, and he passed away in 2016. And when my stepmom gave me you know, a bunch of stuff from from their place when she packed up and moved out. And that was one of the things in there. And it was actually the same picture that was in our house when I was a senior in high school and he just kept the same frame and everything. It's a very 90s frame. And I have it in my office and the reason that I have it in my office is not because I love the 90s gold silk shirt that I'm wearing. But I know it's so weird to be that lady. Trust me when it happens to you, okay?

Kacia 35:23
To be that lady that goes into the store and is like, well, I wore this when I was in high school

Andrea 35:26
A lot of hard stuff happened that year, a lot of hard stuff. And every time I go through something big, where I have a breakthrough, you know, I just spent a year in like intense trauma therapy for old old stuff. And I turn and I look at that picture and I either like salute her, or I like put an imaginary like drink in the air. Because it's for her, it's, you know, it's for my younger self that was in so much pain that was caring so much and didn't have zero tools or coping mechanisms to deal with what was going on. And I that that is my way of parenting myself, is looking to my younger self, and honoring her with so much compassion and so much love.

Kacia 35:52
Well, and it's so cool, because obviously, of everything that you've gone through and how many tools you had to develop, and it just made, like a now what you've built from it, and how many women have been impacted. Like, I remember listening to your podcast years ago, you know, like when I was first kind of coming into this space and it's just like, it's crazy to think how that girl was kind of an, and younger, of course, but was a catalyst for all of this change that you've made in your personal life and how the ripple more like tidal wave that has come from all those tools that you've built. Like That is so cool. So I'd salute her too.

Andrea 36:28
Thank you, thank you. And I feel like I do feel like there's divine things going on. Like I when I write books and things like that, and I get these great ideas. I, I don't say this to diminish my talent. And I say it to push people to also hone their own intuition and look to the guides and angels that are around them. Yeah, because I do believe that these tools, ideas, the creativity, the books, everything comes through me from something otherworldly. I don't know if it's God, or the universe, or what it is. But it's too weird how it lands, in my mind and in my body. So I know that there's something else out there. And I think that we all have it. We have to do a couple things, we have to trust ourselves enough that it's there just even believe for a moment that it is possible. And also be quiet and still enough to hear it, which is very difficult for someone like us. Slow down for a minute.

Kacia 37:37
Yeah, it's so true. But once you start, because it's just kind of like the universal concept like whatever you look for, you're gonna find, right, where once you start finding these little connections, they're like, this makes sense that this happened for me, this happened, and it got me into this situation, whoa, something else was involved with this. And then you start to see it everywhere, where it's like, wow.

Andrea 37:58
It’s like pulling a thread on a sweater? Yes.

Kacia 38:00
Oh my gosh, exactly. I love that so much. I catch myself doing that often, where when things are so it's the concept of like, you know, just like life being rigged in your favor or whatever. Believing that it's working for you that whole concept, which we could credit to 800 million people. But like I'm talking about this, but truly, it's like, when things are going really well for me, I constantly like look back at the things that I perceived at the time weren't going well that had they not gone the way that they went, I wouldn't have the skills or the appreciation or even like, you know, just the pride of becoming the person that I am now, because of the things that I thought weren't going well. And then when things aren't going well, I'm reminding myself that like it's gonna suck while I'm in it and I'm going to have that full, you know, human experience of like feeling that you know, crying the ugly cry with your snot and mascara, like getting your mouth where you're sitting like bathroom, like all that, that hot mess, express stuff, like I'm gonna have that. And I'm still gonna have this like subtle even if it doesn't feel like it in that exact moment, that reminder of like, you've gone through hard things before. And on the other end, you were actually still grateful for part of this because of what it taught you, because of the opportunities that it gifted you, because of the person that you became in pursuit of whatever you're working on. So it's like that dance of like, really that appreciation but also this inner knowing of like, there's something else at play here. Like that's been such a driving force for me too. So I totally hear you on that.

Andrea 39:26
100% Okay, I want to ask you one more thing, and it's about showing up for the why because I think that we get so stuck on the how so if somebody wants to start a side hustle, or they want to change careers, or they want to even just start a new hobby or start dating again we get stuck on the step by step process and like how am I gonna even do this which, like, let's be honest, sometimes you need to do some research to figure out what the first step is, but you like talking about the why so say more about that?

Kacia 40:01
Yeah, I just think a lot of times for some things, yes, you do need to have basic research. But I think a lot of times, we use the how as a way to talk ourselves out of doing the thing that we know we want to do. Because we start to look for all the reasons that we don't know how. And what happens is sometimes you start going down this path, we uncover oh, I don't know how to lets us start a podcast, I don't know how to do it, then you start googling it. And then there's all these houses and all these different directions that you can go and it's like, oh, my gosh, this is so overwhelming. Look how far that I have to go. And we do that thing, where we look at where we are now. And we look at where we want to go and that space in between and all the crap that we don't know how to do. And then we just say, screw it, I'm not even gonna do this. Because we are like, it's more comfortable to stay on what we already know. We already know what it's like to be here. So when I think about the why, it's thinking a lot about, like, extension benefit of like, who else is going to benefit as a byproduct of it, how good could it get, and also thinking about like, what problems. Like I'm always just picking up problems that I want more, but I'm thinking about why I'm doing something, no matter what you do, you're gonna have problems. So it's either the problem of stay where you're at right now trying to smoosh down that uncomfortable feeling that's telling you to make a change, or the problem of having to manage through the anxiousness and the fear that's going to come from taking a leap to do something, that you're not actually sure how to do it, or how it could pan out. And, you know, every single positive thing has those negative things to it, too. And every single level is gonna have different problems. We don't know this, but it's like, when you know why you want to do it, and you can actually get to something juicy, that makes you feel emotional and you think about like how good it could get, which some people are really motivated by that, or how bad it could be if you don't do it, and you get to the end with all these shoulda, woulda, couldas, you know, and wish that you would have had a different life that you didn't even have, like, you got to just get yourself to start.

So when you can pull it something emotional, I can always get myself to start. When I get in the how, and the step one, step two, do I that's not fun. It doesn't make me like feel emotionally called to want to show up. But when I dig into the why, and I can really like attach myself to feeling like I'm uniquely gifted to do this. And I will figure out any how along the way, then I, it just pulls me to want to show up. Versus going into that logical side of my brain that has to be so systematic that doesn't, that doesn't yank at my heartstrings. And a lot of things we're not going to know how to do. And then once you start figuring out what you don't know, you realize there's so much more that you don't know and it's like, oh, I'm like, Oh, yeah, sure. I'll read a book. Like how to read a book. Ah, okay, I'm gonna do this later. Right? I mean, I'm doing that in real time. So it's like, just, it's like, if you know why you're doing it, you can figure anything out. You can. And I mean, especially for people, I'm not a parent, but it's like, I'm sure parents listening to this, you don't know how the baby's gonna come out of you, but it's gonna come out. And you want it to badly enough that you're gonna make it happen. Right? So yeah, it applies to anything. You know?

Andrea 43:05
I love the part where you were talking about what problems do you want? Because you're gonna have problems no mater what.

Kacia 43:11
Yeah, it's true, though, right? Like, and I think I'm so I'm such an optimistic person by nature. I'm a very, like, happy go lucky energy. But I'm also a realist, and that there's, I don't want to life where I don't have problems, because then I'm not challenging myself. And I don't feel like I'm contributing, or like, I'm not growing, like, think about how much it sucks when you don't feel like you're growing. And you're just like, floating around, like, I'm bored out of my mind, I want to take a fork and shove it deep into my eyeball. Like, it's just so boring. So instead, it's like, oh, my gosh, I want to grow. So what problem do I want? I want the problem that seems like it's gonna be more fun to solve than the problem of feeling stuck.

Andrea 43:52
I that reminds me of when I was, like, around 2015 I really started working on like my quote, unquote, money blocks, and like, what was the reason I had plateaued for so many years, like, it didn't make any sense. And I uncovered some stuff, some stories I had, and one of them was I was afraid that with more money, I wouldn't know how to manage it with taxes and like, what is an LLC versus an S corp. There were so many moving parts, and I don't have a business degree that no one ever taught me about money. And I'm like, I'm gonna ruin it. I'm gonna ruin it. That was that was the belief that I had. And so I didn't think this consciously but unconsciously, I did think that it's like, okay, well, which, so I'll figure out taxes, and Google is amazing and so as YouTube was explaining things, right. tax people exist for this, you know, exact thing. And it was it was so much easier to just kind of, I don't think I got it all out on paper, but I was very clear about okay, if this then that. If I have this problem, then what's the possible solution that I could come up with? Like I'm a smart, resourceful human being, and I'll figure it out. So sometimes it's just getting clarity on that is like, okay, yeah, there's a very real possibility that you could mess up on your taxes. Is it likely I'm going to go to jail? No. Is it likely I might have to pay a penalty. Yes. And actually, that's happened. I had to pay a lot in penalties in state taxes last year, because I screwed it up. Yeah. That's fine. Was I mad? Yeah, but it's fine. Yeah. I didn’t die. No, I didn't. I just angrily wrote out the cheque to North Carolina Department of Revenue.

Kacia 45:41
It's so true, though. Andrea, when you figure out what those blocks are, it's like, it's gosh, it's everything. Like I had told myself a story for a long time that I couldn't have a really successful business and be as goofy and weird as I am. And once I figured out those things are not correlated I'm like I did I don't know where I got this idea that like to have a you know, a financially successful business and, you know, contribute the way that I wanted to that I had to all of a sudden be like, buttoned up and super serious. Like I like I had worn nylons at home or something. Like I don’t know.

Andrea 46:08
Do they still sell those? Like in the egg?

Kacia 46:13
I used to work at Ruby's diner where I'd wear nylon.

Andrea 46:15
I love Ruby's.

Kacia 46:17
So good, so good. But anyway, you know, I was thinking that I had to be super serious. And once I was like, where, where's that coming from? Like, what, what example do I have of that? That's not even true. And I'm like, questioning my own belief about this. I'm like, wait a second, pop the lid off this, we need to just freakin’ go because that's just a bunch of bullshit.

Andrea 46:35
100% Okay, we could talk all day long. I am so appreciative that you came on the show. So tell everybody where to go to get more of you. So you have your own podcast.

Kacia 46:45
I do. Thank you so much for having me. I just adore you. So yeah, my podcast is called Empower Her. It's Monday and Thursday episode, so come check me out. And the my favorite social media platform is Instagram. It's @Kacia K-A-C-I-A dot Fitzgerald.

Andrea 47:01
I love your Instagram and your podcast is fire. You are a mood millennials. Okay, everyone, thank you so much for joining me you know how grateful I am for your time and that you choose to spend it with me and my guests. And remember, it's our life's journey to make ourselves better humans and our life's responsibility to make the world a better place. Bye for now.

Hi there, swinging back by to say one more thing. You know, I'm always giving advice over here on the show and on social media. And a couple of those things is that I'm always telling you to ask for what you want be clear about it, and also ask for help. So I am taking a dose of my own medicine and I'm going to do that right now. It would be the absolute best and mean the world to me if you reviewed and subscribed to this show, Make Some Noise Podcast on whatever podcast platform of your choice. And even more importantly, it would matter so much if you shared this show. Sharing the show is one of the few ways the podcast can grow. And that also gives more women an opportunity to make some noise in their lives. You can do that by taking a screenshot when you're listening on your phone and sharing it in your Instagram or Facebook stories. If you're on Instagram you can tag me @HeyAndreaOwen and I try my best to always reach share those and give you a quick thank you dm and also you can tell your friends and family about it. Tell them what you learned. Tell them a really awesome guests that you found on the show that you started following whatever it is I appreciate so much you sharing about this show.

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