🎉 BOOK GIVEAWAY 🎉It’s my Book Baby’s birthday! 

Head on over to my Instagram to enter to win one of three personalized, signed copies of Make Some Noise, which came out ONE YEAR AGO! 

Since we’re on the theme of self-care, I thought it might be helpful to start with the basics. How is self-care defined? What does it actually mean and look like?  I looked to the World Health Organization to help define it. 

After that, I talk about barriers to self care; some of which pertain specifically to women. 

Lastly, I talk about how to get some support here, as well as where to start with your self care. 

Episode 447: Relationship series: The Division of Labor in Relationships with Laura Danger
Private Coaching with Andrea and her team

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You're listening Make Some Noies Podcast minisode number 473.

Welcome to Make Some Noies Podcast your guide for strategies, tools and insight to empower yourself. I'm your host, Andrea Owen, global speaker, entrepreneur, life coach since 2007, and author of three books that have been translated into 18 languages and are available in 22 countries. Each week, I'll bring you a guest or a lesson that will help you maximize unshakable confidence, master resilience and make some noise in your life. You ready? Let's go.

Hey, everybody, I'm doing a book giveaway. So my brain farted and I've totally recorded this whole episode. And I forgot to mention it. So I'm recording this at the end, slipping it in the beginning. So Make Some Noise, which is my third book baby. Insert drumroll, insert party noises here. My third book baby is one year old and to celebrate, I am giving away three personalized signed copies, all you need to do is head on over to Instagram and I'm @HeyAndreaOwen, over on the gram. This podcast episode will drop on Friday, September 2 and that's when the giveaway will start. If you just look for the book giveaway post there from Friday, September 2, it will run until Tuesday, September 6, and all the instructions will be over there. Just read all about it. Good luck. I hope you win. Thank you so much for your support with Make Some Noise. It was such a joy to write and I love it. If you haven't read it, maybe you want a copy and the link will be in the show notes. Okay, let's get on with the show.

Hey, everyone, welcome to another episode of the podcast. I'm so glad that you're here. We've officially kicked off the self-care theme. I made that sound very official. It did not mean for it to sound as serious as it came out. But I was thinking about this minisode and I wanted to talk about like, let's start from the basics. Let's talk about what is self-care? What does it mean? And I Googled it, of course because what else would I do? Like what are other people saying about self-care? I know what I think self-care is, but let me let me get some more information. The reason that I think that I wanted to talk about it is because it's so broad. It really encompasses so many things. So in this minisode, I'm going to talk about what is it, some barriers as to why we don't engage in enough self-care, people don't engage enough self care, and then where to start. Where do I start because it's so broad, it can feel a little overwhelming. Alright, let's get into it.

So the we're the WHO, the World Health Organization, not the band, I think it would be a lot more fun if it was the band that said this. But the World Health Organization has this list and I'm going to read it. A lot of these things are going to be things where you're like, Okay, I know that and some of them are going to be maybe things that you didn't think of they just kind of took for granted. Hygiene, right? Hygiene, nutrition, lifestyle factors like exercise level and leisure activities, environmental factors such as your living conditions and your social habits, socio-economic factors, such as someone's income or your cultural beliefs, your medication and following treatment plans for any illnesses that you might have. Self-care is also prioritizing, excuse me, prioritizing one's physical and mental health. It's also adopting healthy lifestyle habits that can be maintained long term, which I'm going to touch on that in a minute. It is eating a healthy diet, finding exercise activities that you enjoy. A keyword there that you enjoy. Not that you hate. Not that you do exercise, because you think you should or because you think it's going to help you get to a certain body size or maintain a certain body size. That you actually enjoy it and participating in it regularly. So it's not just about finding the activities. I like to do that. I like to plan out my activities, including exercise and then not necessarily following through with them.

Okay, self-care is also getting an adequate amount of good quality sleep. If you run around in the personal development circles long enough, which I'm sure you do, you know how important sleep is some experts somewhere along the way has been talking about sleep. That's actually reminds me I have not had somebody's on to talk about sleep. If you know anybody who was like the expert, besides Arianna Huffington. I don't know if she would, if she would be on my show, I could ask her, I could call her up and ask her, we needed somebody to come on and talk about sleep. The last couple following treatment plans for existing conditions accordingly. I feel like that they kind of repeated that one from the other one about medication, and taking time out for yourself to participate in healthy activities you enjoy. Well, if that isn't general, I don't know what is.

So that's just like an overview. It notice it doesn't say taking bubble black baths, getting manicures and things like that. I mean, if that's what you want to do, then knock yourself out. I love a good bath and a manicure, of course I do. So those are the basics. Those are the one two threes of self-care and I think it's so important that we also talk about barriers to self-care. I read this list also from the WHO and a bit was like, okay, these are my people, barriers to self-care having low self-worth. So you feel like how I translate that is like, you feel like you don't deserve it. Or you feel like when I get everything else done, then I will be able to deserve to do the thing. You know, sleep, exercise, whatever it is. Feeling guilty. Do men feel guilty for prioritizing themselves? Do you think? Do you think they do? Maybe some of them? I'm sure some of them, yes. But in my humble opinion, women often feel guilty for prioritizing themselves. For taking good care of themselves.

Another barrier, lack of planning. Yes, lack of planning. What is that saying? If you fail to plan you plan to fail. I feel like that's that you were bordering on hustle culture over there. But it is true. It is very true. To many responsibilities, you have too many things on your plate. If you guys missed the episode that I did with Laura Danger. And it was a couple of months ago. I'll pop it in the show notes. It was so good. I follow her on all the socials and I love her videos so much. I love what she teaches. She talks about the division of labor in households, and just how important it is and how much more we should value that and get help. Okay. Too many responsibilities. Workplace culture surrounding self-care, which I thought was really interesting. Having not worked in an actual office for a company since 2007. I forget that and I worked for an exercise company, the last handful of years of my corporate life. So they definitely prioritized self-care. But I can see how capitalism and prioritizing productivity first, prioritizing profit prioritizing the bottom line of the company, and the shareholders and all that, that can that can trump self-care. And also, I mean, they're sort of the one of the obvious ones is change isn't easy for most people. This is the reason that habit books and podcasts are so popular. We have trouble forming and keeping habits.

Making change is not easy. So where do we even start? I want to share something with you that I have done recently and  not so recently, that is helpful and it's also free. The only thing that it's going to cost you is time and space in your brain. I may have mentioned here on the podcast, I'm sure I have that I have, at least when I, yes. When I became when I started working for myself, when I left corporate and started working for myself, I formed a mastermind with a group of women. Now you do not have to be an entrepreneur to do this. I know that most of you listening are not and you can still form a group of people, doesn't have to…any gender is fine. And these are the people that you get together with on a regular basis, whether it's virtually, whether it's a conference call, whether it's in person, and even if it's, I suppose you could even do it over email or just text, where you really co create the relationship of the mastermind yourself. The way that I've always done it is it's typically five of us and we meet once a month, I think I've had it before where we met every other week, for about 90 minutes and every person takes a turn in that 90 minutes. You could even do it with three people for two or three people, four people unit with 10. Five seems to be the magic number for me. And everybody gets a certain amount, just do the math, and everybody has a certain amount of time to bring something that they are stuck on, to bring something that they want to create movement and momentum on, that they just haven't seem to be able to do that for whatever reason. And you create the relationship in the beginning so you know how to support each other, so you know, the logistics of the group, so you know, that everybody commits to it being a priority, and that it's a sacred group. That's usually why they fall apart PS is because some members just don't feel like showing up, they're chronically late or just don't want to be in any anymore, whatever. That's, that's their thing. But that's typically why I found that they kind of disband.

I've been in a mastermind for forever. They change from time to time and the last one I was in for years. I've been in two of them that lasted for at least five years and the last one that I was in really just kind of disbanded because COVID…a few other reasons. And I recently created a new one with people that I have met in the National Speakers Association, the NSA. And already it's amazing and I pulled one person out of the group, I just threw out there. I was like, I need some accountability. This is why people hire coaches, by the way. And I know this, I don't necessarily need coaching. Here's what I came to realize, I need somebody who's going to hold me accountable. And there's so many different ways to do this and you really have to find what motivates you. Some people are highly motivated by punitive consequences. Some people are motivated by competition, some people are motivated, if something is gamified. There's just… People are motivated by money. And her name is Nora, and she and I worked out something that works for both of us. Because as an entrepreneur, if no one has is holding my feet to the fire, if I don't have to answer to anyone except me… There can be months that go by where I'm just like, I'm just taking this whole month off. You know, it's like I found myself ebb and flow between feeling really scrappy, and feeling not so scrappy. And anyway, lots of compassion for myself. I do not call myself lazy anymore. It's just not a word that I use. It's seasons of my life. It's just how it works. And there are paid masterminds I've been in them before, they have different kinds of advantages. But I mean, I'm all for the free ones. I think they're amazing and one of the secrets to that success is being really transparent from the beginning with this person, whether it's accountability, or a mastermind and or a mastermind.

I should say, from the beginning, create the relationship. Here's how I we had Nora and I had our meeting. And at the very end, I'm like, how do you like to be supported? Do you like a you go girl? Do you like tough love? Do you want lots of compassion and empathy and flexibility? Do you want a combination of that? Because if you want a combination of that, I'm going to need you to tell me what you need and I'm going to be asking you a lot. What is it that you're looking for for me in this moment when you come to me and you're feeling you've had a lot of negative self-talk, or you did not meet the deadline that you want it, are you having some impostor syndrome going on. What is it that you want?

I want to give you some options, whether you're in a place of you have just let all your self-care go and you're needing to kind of jumpstart that or you're in a place where your self-care is great and you want to you know, start your own business or get a promotion or make enough money where you can take a month long vacation to Europe or whatever it is. There are options for you. And I just I cannot say enough really great words about having a mastermind creating your own I call it a peer mastermind and or an accountability buddy. So that's a place to start.

And in terms of like where to start in your own life. I think that list that I gave you from the who start with the basics. I mean, a lot of these are just like your hierarchy of needs, making sure that you're sleeping enough eating the right foods, etc, etc. And another thing that that I've learned e hard way over the years… Ae you like me, were you, a lot of my clients are like this, they hire me and they're like, okay, here are my goals. I am, you know, they haven't worked out in a year, they have been eating foods that just don't agree with them, and they are behind on work, and they have this list of goals that is enough for three people. I'm going to work out every day and I'm going to totally clean up my refrigerator and prep all my food. And you know, the list goes on and on. And I'm all for big, audacious goals. Like you get it. However, just like anything, starting small is your key to success. You have to have those little wins. You need that, I don't know which of if it's serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin, glutamine, whatever, not that last one. Whatever it is, that goes off in your brain, when something great happens when you are proud of yourself, when you can cross something off that list. That's what you need. So all the habit books will tell you that. I'm sure most of them will. You need to have these small wins in order to build up that momentum that you can keep doing it, and then your list can go go from there. Alright, so start small.

And if you are doing all of the basics, in terms of personal development, because that's, you know, what this podcast is about, let's get a little bit more granular here for a minute. Where to start. I know that I bring new episodes every week that are really all over the place and that's why I tried to break it down into themes. But there's still…it's a lot, it's a lot to take in. And I know that some of you listen to my podcast and other people's podcasts, just as you're working out, as you're in the car, as you're getting ready in the morning. I love that. Hi! And just to like have something…. There's a couple of podcasts I listened to, I just now love the sound of their voices, and have it on like Maintenance Phase is one of them. You're Wrong About, Brené Brown's podcast. Sometimes I don't even I'm not even totally listening but I just like to have it on like, they're my friends. That's fantastic. Do that. Keep doing that.

And I know that there's a group of you who really absorb everything, and go and buy the books of my guests and, and all of those things. So if you're in that place, and you might kind of ebb and flow back and forth to those two personas that I described. But if you're feeling a little bit overwhelmed, like where do I start in my own personal development journey, I have a couple of suggestions. The first one is pick something where the person that you're listening to, you know, if it's my podcast, where I have different guests almost every week, if there's somebody who just knocks your socks off, I feel like that's telling you something. So look at their work. And maybe it's not just them that you follow or, you know, take their programs or whatever it may be. It's that particular topic. I had Shante Cone on a few weeks ago. And she is a therapist and counselor and very much into the spiritual realm and goes like, you know, it's a seven layer dip with her. And that might have felt like, just magical to you. I had David Hayward on, I think the week after her talking about religious deconstruction. That might have been like, oh my gosh, that is the path I need to follow. Maybe that's how you felt. I've heard people talking about Enneagram, like, whatever it is, that lights you up the most, spend some time on that for a little bit. That's, that's one way to do it.

Another way is to if you've bought any of my books, let's just take How To Stop Feeling Like Shit, which I have. I have an announcement about that book coming up soon. Stay tuned, my beautiful listeners. I'm so excited. That book has 14 chapters on different behaviors that we all do to some degree. Pull that book out whether you have it on Audible or hardcopy of it, and run through the chapters and think about the ones that you feel like you struggle with the most, or you took the most notes, or you highlighted the most whatever that is. And maybe you buy another book just on that particular topic or you bring that topic to your therapist next week. That could be one way to do it as well. And I've mentioned this in a podcast like a million years ago on the same topic. Speaking of How To Stop Feeling Like Shit, I believe it's chapter three that I talk about numbing out. I do believe that when we numb out, that behavior has the potential to turn into either some kind of disordered behavior, or an addiction. Having been that person myself, and seeing, not just in my life, but in seeing it in the lives of many other people, whether they consider themselves in long term recovery or not, that has the potential to up end your life in a extremely positive way. Cutting not just cutting out the substance or behavior that it is, that we have the problem with, it's the work that comes once we do it. When you know, when we connect the dots of like, why we're doing it in the first place. I would start there. If that's the thing for you.

So maybe you saw yourself in one of those. I remember when I got sober, I realized that I had gone from being someone's daughter to a, you know, when I was 15, I was somebody's girlfriend, and I was in a relationship where my identity was very much wrapped up in being this person's girlfriend. And then I became his wife, and then I wasn't his wife anymore but then I pretty quickly became somebody else's wife. And so Jason and I got married in ’08, I got sober in 2011. And I was I mean, I was just like, I don't know who I am. I didn't really have a whole lot of autonomy. And I was and then I was a mother in 2007 and 2009. So it was like, who am I? What do I want? What do I stand for? What are my yes’s and no’s, what are my boundaries, what are my goals and aspirations. And it was easy. It was fairly easy to on the surface talk about you know, goals, hopes, aspirations, and things like that. Career wise, but I didn't know I had always been wrapped up in somebody else. So when I got sober, a lot of my self-care was, of course those basics that I listed, but it was also taking care of my own identity. What does my identity look like? So it was a lot of my own soul searching and journaling and answering powerful questions that I got either from a coach or my therapist at the time.

And this has been a mixed bag episode, as they usually are. I tell you what, my ADHD diagnosis last year, so last year and year before, pointed a lot to this podcast. Because I've always felt like I'm all over the place. And you know what, that's how my brain works. And I'm just I'm not gonna apologize for that. But I hope this was helpful for you. I just love you guys so much. I appreciate you listening. And if you do feel like you could use the support of a coach. That's what I do. That's what I do. And I have two amazing lead coaches, Sabrina and Liz. And we do have some openings this fall. So head on over to AndrewOwen.com/apply and we will get you started on that.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for listening. And remember, it's our life's journey to make ourselves better humans and our life's responsibility to make the world a better place. Bye for now.