You know how I love exploring different modalities for self-care and healing, right? This week, Stephanie Kwong joins me to talk about the Rapid Rewire Method. Stephanie has worked as a Subconscious Rewiring coach, Hypnotherapist, Breathwork Facilitator, teacher of Self-Love, and now she’s serving her divine calling as the Co-Founder of the Rapid Rewire Method (RRM).
Rapid Rewire is a method that helps you clear the issue you are facing, as opposed to simply learning how to cope with it. It answers the question, “How can we be more efficient with our healing process?” Stephanie and I also discuss the importance of self-love and how loving yourself can make a difference in your life.
We talk about:
- We take a deep dive into the Rapid Re-Wire Method, including what it is and what makes it different from healing modalities (7:48)
- Why self-love is important and how loving yourself can make such a difference in your life (39:50)
- What self-love actually looks like. Plus, Stephanie shares the pillars of self-love (40:29)
You know how I love a good personal development book, right? I’ve compiled a list of book recommendations, as mentioned in past episodes. Check out these amazing book recommendations here. Happy reading!
Find a complete list of our sponsors and their offerings visit andreaowen.com/sponsors. Thank you for your support!
Stephanie Kwong has spent over a decade in the personal development industry, having worked as a Subconscious Rewiring coach, Hypnotherapist, Breathwork Facilitator, teacher of Self-Love, and now she’s serving her divine calling as the Co-Founder of the Rapid Rewire Method (RRM). She’s deeply obsessed with the Rapid Rewire Method tools, which are groundbreaking and radically effective mental-emotional and spiritual processes that guarantee rapid integrative healing, change and transformation–and it’s her mission to show the world why these tools are truly capable of cultivating joy, fulfillment, and liberation by ending cycles of suffering. By helping her past clients identify and remove mental and emotional roadblocks, she’s shown them the path to achieving the personal, professional, and financial results they want–her work proves that shifting from a life of limitation and stress to one of power and freedom is possible, and with the Rapid Rewire Method, that shift is fast, painless, and sustainable.
I believe that self-love is the most important work we can do because I see that the greatest issues that we experience stem from relationship with self.
You're listening to Make Some Noise Podcast episode number 477 with guest Stephanie Kwong.
Welcome to Make Some Noise Podcast, your guide for strategies, tools and insight to empower yourself. I'm your host, Andrea Owen, global speaker, entrepreneur, life coach since 2007, and author of three books that have been translated into 18 languages and are available in 22 countries. Each week, I'll bring you a guest or a lesson that will help you maximize unshakable confidence, master resilience and make some noise in your life. You ready? Let's go.
Hey, everybody, welcome to another episode of the podcast. I'm so glad that you're here. I don't know what this voice is. I feel like I this is like the voice I use when I'm talking to my dog, and I've been spending so much time with her. It just happened. I don't even think I've talked to another adult today. I talked to my kids this morning, taking them to school, but no other adults. So I am glad that you're here though. And I'm recording this intro the day after I just got back from hosting an amazing group of women in Asheville, at a Daring Way retreat, I don't know how many of these I have run now I've lost count, there's been so many, and it never gets old. It never gets old , ever. And I was telling them as we were closing up, you know, we do our little closing circle, or sacred closing circle and I was telling them this is why it's so hard for me to put into words when I'm telling people registration is open. When I'm trying to explain to you how amazing it is, it's because the energy and, I was gonna say the holiness, but it's not, you know, that kind of holiness. It's just a sacred space that I honor each and every time, and there's just no way I can adequately put words into how powerful it is. Watching a group of women come together who are strangers, learn these unbelievably helpful tools to manage their life in regard to such a scary topic. And that topic is shame. We also talk about vulnerability and connection and courage and that type of thing. But the whole point of the curriculum is shame resilience. So you can take this back into your life, and not allow shame to run your thoughts and your decisions and your behaviors, and just, you know, have fear be in the driver's side. Anyway, I digress. Not really digress, but I just I can't adequately put into words. And I wish I could I mean, I'm a writer dammit. And anyway, it just was incredible and amazing. And I'm still writing. If you feel like you missed it, and you were like, dang it, I want to go, I will probably run another one next year, probably in the fall. And you can head on over to AndreaOwen.com/retreat and there's a box for you to type in your email so we'll notify you first thing when we do open registration next year.
And that being said, I also offer coaching, private coaching, we have some openings this fall. And when I say we I don't mean me and my dog, Astrid. I mean me and my amazing lead coaches Liz and Sabrina, there was a woman there at the retreat who also has worked with Sabrina privately, and was singing her praises and how great it was to work with her. So if I'm not a great fit, we will fit you with one of my amazing lead coaches. And that is over at AndreaOwen.com/coaching.
Okay, you guys, we are still on the self-care theme, and Stephanie Kwong is someone that I met, when I was speaking…we were both speakers at an event over the summer. You will hear how we met and a really funny thing that happened. That's kind of embarrassing, but if you know me now, you know it's not really embarrassing to me that involves a sweaty bra. You'll hear about that in just a minute. But before I jump into the conversation, let me tell you about our guest.
Stephanie Kwong has spent over a decade in the personal development industry having worked as a subconscious rewiring coach, hypnotherapist, breathwork facilitator, teacher of self-love, and now she's serving her divine calling as the co-founder of the Rapid Rewire Method by helping her clients identify and remove mental and emotional roadblocks. She’s showing them the path to achieving the personal professional and financial results they want. Her work proves that shifting from a life of limitation and stress to one of power and freedom is possible. And with the Rapid Rewire Method, that shift is fast, painless, and sustainable. And we're going to talk about that on today's show. So without further ado, here is Stephanie.
Stephanie, thanks so much for being here.
Oh, thank you, Andrea. Really grateful to be… Should we tell people
How we met?
Absolutely. Why don't you take a lead on…
If you're listening to this show, for the first time, I'm sorry that the intro is this story. But Stephanie and I met we were both speakers at
Think Better Live Better.
Thank you. Angel put on that pretty much every year. And we hit it off from the get-go. We were at a dinner, it was in Orlando, Florida where it was 175 degrees. And we were at a dinner on like some rooftop bar that where it was 185 degrees. I was sweating so much. All of us were sweating. Sitting in the sun, I was in a black dress and sweating and sweating and sweating. And I can't I think I told you that I needed to leave because I had like sweated through my bra.
You did. Yes. That's what was happening. There were some wet leakage on the side of your shirt show to prove that that was actually the case.
So I got back to my hotel room. It was my favorite bra, because you know, sometimes we have like the one bra that's like our presentation bra. You have one? But it's the best bra that I was going to wear up on stage the next day. And I'm like, well, shit. I cannot… I don't have a washing machine, it was too late to send it out for this bra to be dry cleaned. So I cleverly hung up my bra on a hanger. And I attached it to my suitcase, right in the where the air conditioning blows on it and I took a picture and I sent it to Stephanie.
Yeah, you missed a very important detail in the conversation. When you were telling me about needing to take off your bra, I recall saying I dare you to take it off and fling it across the table. Like we were sitting in a group in like a rectangular… I was like I dare you to flip that. And then I think that's what really bonded us too which was just…yeah, you know.
For the record, I declined. 21-year-old Andrea, who was still drinking would have done that. Zero friends. Yep.
And if anybody wants to see the hanging broad picture, feel free to DM me on Instagram, I would happily send it to you.
I don't care if you do. Anyway, so that's how we met and fell in love. And I looked more into your work and I'm like, not only are you funny and fun, you're also smart, and professional, and intelligent, and just really do some amazing work in the world. And that's why I wanted to have you here on the show. And so you spoke about at the event, this work and it's called the Rapid Rewire Method. So can you start there and tell us what it is and more specifically from there, can you tell us what makes it different from other personal development courses that we see online all the time?
Absolutely. So the Rapid Rewire Method, it's a suite of cutting edge protocols, mental and emotional and spiritual awakening tools that can quickly dissolve any problems or mental emotional turmoil. It can rewire limiting beliefs, integrate stuck identities, and release inner barriers, which allows people to access their power, their peace and their freedom once again. I know I use some words in there that maybe people like huh? But stuck identities, for example, sometimes, well, not sometimes, many of us get stuck in certain identities that don't serve us for what we ultimately want to create, right? If I have the identity of a broke person, and yet, consciously what I desire is to create wealth, it doesn't matter, you can't outperform your identity. You're going to continue to keep recreating broke, even though you want wealth, and so you have to integrate that identity that you're stuck in a broke in order, to which integration means you're welcoming both parts to come through the abundant part as well as the broke part, but now you have choice versus you're stuck in one way of being.
Same thing in relationships. You want to have a relationship but you're stuck in the identity of a non-trusting person, a closed person. Again, calling a healthy loving supportive you know giving relationship if you're stuck in that identity. So we help to unstuck that and actually integrate those and a lot of people experience you know, mental and emotional turmoil consistently whether it's stress, sadness, hurt, depression. and anxiety. And when you're stuck in these emotional loops and you can't get out our tools can quickly dissolve that emotional stuckness and mental stuckness. So there's a lot of really robust things that these protocols can do. And I'll share in a second of what makes it different.
But I love to share the story of how I came to them because I have been what I call myself a subconscious rewiring coach for about 14 years now. So I've been around the block, and then some in the personal development space, and even prior to that, for over 20 years have been seeking, you know, my own personal healing. So have done and tried a lot of things. I won't say everything because there could still be things that I've never experienced that I don't know about. But I joke but I'm serious, Asians are a little psycho on overachieving. So for me, it's like how can I find the best tool to break through the fastest most efficiently? And especially… A plus, not just a plus, plus, plus, no skipping, but I really had this deep desire and passion to go, how can we shift quickly and permanently and efficiently in an integrative way, not bypassing, of course, and especially my private practice, I worked with really high profile and high achieving people, and so they wanted results, and they wanted them fast. Hence, my continuous quest to find those tools right to get results quickly and permanently so that they don't have to keep revisiting the issue.
Well, last year, I had a miscarriage and it's been the biggest adult trauma that I've experienced, because I deeply desire to be a mom. I got pregnant without trying. So we're like, oh, it's a miracle, and then I told my partner, about six weeks in and then three weeks later, I miscarried. And so it really took me out and I went dark. But I was like, fuck the universe, or whatever's out there. What a cruel cosmic joke. Like how I mean, I would, you know, knowing I had this deep desire, and then I got pregnant without trying, and then having it painfully stripped from me. And so I went to a really, really dark space. And I know, there's no timeline for grieving, so it's not like, oh, it happened, I should just be able to feel better, and three days or even two weeks. But even with the tools that I had, and five months later, I was still having days where I couldn't get out of bed, where I would just think about the miscarriage and I would start bawling out of nowhere. I would see other people with their babies and it would same thing put me into a little bit of a spiral. I needed help and I ended up getting connected to these protocols that we're calling the Rapid Rewiring Method in one session. Wesley, who's my co-founder of Rapid Rewire, he processed the trauma and drain the emotional charge that after 60 minutes, I couldn't even connect to sadness and grief anymore. It was literally gone out of my physical system. And so when integration, true integration happens, we're actually at choice or another form of integration is vanishing. Right? We've done these protocols and people all check at the end and say, you know, how, like, how is the problem for you now and they're like, what problem? They can't even remember what the original thing that they came to, until we then relook at the page and like, oh, yeah, that was it. But that's kind of what happened to me.
But it wasn't that I forgot what occurred. It's like traumas when, when these emotional stoppages happen in our system, right, because we don't have time to process emotion because we're in fight flight so we have to stuff it, and it gets locked into our physical system, our subconscious. And so these tools create the space where we can actually properly process the emotions of the trauma, such that we can really let them go and be free and come back to, you know, come back to center and be able to have the thing be what happened versus who I am anymore. And I think that's what was happening cuz I was identifying so much with it.
So these tools are radically different because one they from other things that I've experienced or tried. One is, and there's so many things, but when the results happen, they happen in real time, and usually the results stick. So we don't need to keep revisiting the issue again, like you don't have to keep journaling about it or breathing about it or tapping about it or any of that stuff. It's literally when it's gone and it's done and true integration has occurred, were complete. You can move on with your life. Secondly, is you don't have to have like perfect circumstances. I used to be a hypnotist. So it's like okay, and I would tell people make sure it's silent, you won't be disturbed. These we've had start stops. We have a dog barks for our clients and then they would have to like get up, shut up their dogs come back and they can still get the result. We've had practitioners tag team, another, you know, student and they'll start and then the next person comes back in and can come plead it. How we're able to do that is all of our protocols are standardized into scripts. So they're so refined down, that it's to the potent pieces and elements that work with the brain in the right way that allows it to clear the emotional charge completely.
So it’s scripts for you guys that you use as practitioners?
Correct. Yeah, and I should have said that at the top. Yeah. So literally, we I can hand anybody a script, I could hand someone who's not a practitioner of scripts, and we've had students who were not coaches, but we're real estate agents, esthetician, a pediatric nurse and pediatric oncology, and they get the scripts and they're able to follow it step by step 123456, and follow it and cause a healing and integration or transformation for another being. And I don't know that many other tools that can do that. And we can teach them quickly. And all the tools can be used on self, another, or in a group. And so what I love about these tools also is you can really use them in yourself and clear things and not need to go run to someone outside of you to help you. And to me, that's really putting the power into people's hands. So there's a lot of other things that kind of separate us from the pack. But I've just never witnessed anything that works so quickly. So permanently, so effectively. And that pretty much anyone can use them to, you know, pretty much equal success, if they know the nuances of some of the scripts.
Okay, so I'm trying to wrap my head around it, it sounds like it's a combination of a little bit of something like EMDR, a little bit of hypnotherapy, a little bit of like, are you talking to the participant and they're answering at the same time? or you're just like, like, it's a kind of a two-way transaction?
Yep, it's a two-way transaction. So essentially, you can use a script or once you've run it enough, you don't need to look at the script because it protocols are so simple as well. It's a series of questions that allow you to process the problem, the setback, the struggle, the stuckness, the stuck identity, hitting on all four levels of awareness, which is thoughts, emotions, images and body sensations. That's how we neuro tag experiences into our mind and body. Through this questioning process. Right? So I know EMDR uses like eye movement throughout the other modality that you mentioned, hypnotherapy. Hypnotherapy, we don't necessarily put people into trance in order for it to work. So they're fully aware completely. Yeah. And yeah, I mean, I think you saw when I was speaking on stage, I was running one of our protocols from stage. And literally just saying the same prompts, the one I did in particular that you saw was we were toggling between thought and emotion, thought and emotion. And it starts to release and uncover the unconscious content that has been stuck and stored and it brings it to the surface in light. And the way that the process is designed allows it to dislodge and to be released.
What is neuro tagging, because you've said that word a couple of times. And I don't know what that is.
Yes. So when an experience occurs, there's ways that we store, neuro tag, information or the experience. And so that's really what we're doing is it's how we're storing. And again, it's through four different levels of awareness, thought, emotion, image, body sensation. So if I were to have you close your eyes and think of a memory or an experience, you'd probably be able to come up with an image, a picture in your mind of that experience. The thoughts that were running in your mind at the time, the emotional state you were feeling and potentially body sensations that were happening in that moment. And that's how we lock in a memory is through all those four levels of awareness.
Yeah, okay. It's so fascinating. There's so many modalities of healing, and I am fascinated by all of them. And as probably the listeners are doing thinking of times of whether it's a big T trauma, or a little T trauma that has happened to them and thinking about moments, you know, like you just you just gave. And this is one of those modalities that I wish that I would have known about even 10 years ago.
Me too, girl. Keep going, though.
Well, it's just and it's bringing me to a question because one of my biggest traumatic events was finding out that my ex-husband had had an affair with our neighbor for seven months, and he got her pregnant. And then we split up and he left me for her. And she looked like Pamela Anderson so it was like double hard because she was so stunning. And then and I lost my family because he and I had been together for 13 years and his family was my family. So it took me probably five years and through a lot of therapy to realize a lot of my grief was within losing the family and not necessarily my marriage. Because I kept like when like why do I keep dreaming about this? Why do I still feel triggered in my new relationship about this? And then when I got sober, it came even tenfold. So my question is when you have someone with an event, maybe that was a manipulative or abusive relationship that lasted for like a decade, or maybe someone who's had an experience like yours, maybe they've had multiple miscarriages or struggles with infertility. When you take them, when you facilitate it, do they go through each event or what does that look like?
So it depends on what we're processing will determine which protocols we'll use We have about 20 of them. And but the one in particular that you're mentioning, if it's a deep trauma that still impacts you now, you can remember the experience and it's pretty intense, we do have a trauma release protocol that we use. This is the one that was used on me to clear the miscarriage. This same protocol was used on my project manager, this is how she became an Uber fan. She had an eating disorder for 10 years, was in therapy for 10 years, that same process of trauma release, cleared it, she never had a problem with food again. Still hasn't. We had another student of ours, we helped him. And he was 47. He was an NLP trainer found ways to cope with the big trauma that he had, where he saw his sister get hit by a car get amputated on the spot. And then the mom came out, she freaked out. They're all these different events unfolded. And he had found ways to cope. This happened when he was eight. He's now 47. But he we were running a process with him. The students were doing exchanges and he said, what happens when you start trauma flooding? I've learned how to cope with it, but what do I do, we're like, we'd run a trauma release protocol. So we offered him one the next day just to help him because we love our students, and we just want to help them. Gone. And he goes, it's weird, because we checked in the next day he goes normally I would feel like almost a transformation hangover. And I can still kind of feel the old feelings and the new he goes and literally don't feel anything anymore. Like it was because it was properly processed, such that it can be released.
So if somebody has that experience, like you mentioned, you know, being 10 years of holding on to something or the bigger T traumas, and also the little T traumas. For the big T we would pull our trauma release and just go, why don't we just get rid of that for you. And there's different ways.. They categories in the trauma release, they do we experience it for a hot second, but we just have them pull the most intense moment, and then we freeze frame it and we do all these things that then have it processed and get stored back in the past versus it being who you are in the moment and still affecting you now. But we don't re traumatize necessarily. We just have say, can you remember it, and if they can, it's only for a split second that they're there. We don't have them sit in it or do anything intense.
Do you ever have people where they come to you with something that happened? And you're like, it's just not a good fit. You need to seek other modes of healing, like… Does that ever happened?
Yeah. So what we usually do is I'll test the client to see. There are ways to tell and we kind of categorize them as easy, average, and difficult clients. If it's a difficult client, sometimes they're not ready for the shift.
And you don't tell the client that right?
Of course not girl. I’m like, you’re difficult. Bye. No, sister, no. We do not do that.
Might not want to do that if you're doing that.
When we do the intake, right, like before we even… And this is what we teach our students to like, before you even work with a client, here's a way to just see and determine. And even if they're difficult, you can still work with them. But it's going to take more skill.
Yeah, or you help them find the right, or maybe it's a combination of what you do plus something else. It doesn't mean that it can't be helped.
Yeah, and sometimes for us to just decreasing the emotional charge is success, right? If they go, hey, I'm experiencing anger around this thing at a nine and literally in 30 minutes, we can get them to a four, and it's stuck at a four, that's good, you know? Because now the emotional charge is dissolved significantly for them and then if we do a bit more work, we can keep cleaning it up and actually haven't gone away. But there hasn't been anything yet that myself or Wesley or our you know, we've told our students don't work on. There are things that we tell them like we don't change or people not won't necessarily stop an addiction. But we can create the shift the emotional charge to whatever the substances and usually the outcome is that will change. We're very careful on what we say we can and cannot do as well, because I think that it's pretty reckless out there where people are like I can have a trauma and we actually just call that our intense experience eliminator. We don't even say it's, you know, I know that I mentioned trauma release but that's actually what it's doing. But we don't present it in that way to people.
Okay. Yeah, I mean, as the One who's struggled with addiction I imagine that what would be helpful for people is just even like releasing some of the shame. So they can think clearly enough to decide if they need to enter recovery or talk to someone that they care about about it. I mean, like the shame, the shame derails us and keeps us stuck, and many times I keep keeps us in our addiction.
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Another thing that I'm thinking about that might be helpful for the listeners is I realized not that long ago that I would get flooded whenever my husband… When we were grocery if we're grocery shopping together. And he you know, I don't know if this is how you and your partner or you've ever done this grocery shopping, sometimes it's helpful to like tag team it, you know, it's like, okay, can you go back to that aisle and get the granola that I need and I'm gonna head over here to the sparkling water section and we'll meet back in the middle or something like that. So I love to do that. And so sometimes he gets a little bit ahead of me, and he'll just go, and I won't know where he went. And then I'm like, what, where do you go? Yeah. And the first time it happened, I got super pissed. And then it happened again, and I like flew into a rage. And so the good news now is that when I fly into a rage, maybe this isn't the good news. It's internal were like in my former relationship when I was younger, it was outward and it was like name calling. And just like, just not pretty. But now it's like my whole body shakes, I get hot, I'll break out into a sweat. And I'm shaking so hard, like I can't even form words like that kind of rage. And I mean, we were like in Walmart too of all places, which I don't love to go to. But then I anytime I have such a significant emotional reaction, and I'm like something is going on. Maybe it's his behavior, but what's going on with me and it's causing this reaction. It took me some thinking and I realized I was triggered because my ex-husband used to do that to me all the time. And he would just like leave, like we'd be at a party and he would like take off for five hours and I wouldn't know where he was and he'd come back like, high on cocaine or something. And I'm like, where have you been and like suspecting that he was cheating on me and like he was. But over and over and over and over again causes trauma to me like I don't trust you. I later find out you were fucking everybody and anybody that would say yes. And so it took me a long time to realize like, okay, I think an appropriate response when he walks away at the grocery store is to be annoyed and say, hey, can you just let me know where you're going, like, tell me what aisle you're gonna be in, rather than me going into like a full blown rage.
Does he know that that's important to you?
He didn't until I realized that it was one of my traumas, which in my opinion, and he, he doesn't disagree, that when you are in relationship with someone, it is up to us to be careful about someone else's triggers. You never make fun of them. You never be dismissive of them. This is part of taking care of each other and loving each other. So yes, like once, he was like, oh, I didn't know that. And I'm like, I didn't either. I still don't want you to do it, but here's a clue as to why I was getting so upset. And I imagine that your work is kind of a shortcut for people to maybe not even like realize the connection to the story, maybe people do. But the point is, is that they know that they're in that emotional trigger, that's the most important part and can you sort of disengage it? I guess, is the word I would use.
Absolutely I would yeah. So that's the thing is, you know, when I was mentioning the other student before, he had coping mechanisms, and he's an NLP trainer, he has tons of other tools in his in his arsenal. And yet, what he's learned is how to cope, right. And for you, same thing you mentioned at the story, you're like, okay, now I know what's happening. I have spoken up my needs. But if let's say your husband did that, again, it might still activate the same emotional charge. Now who's in control? You are the emotion. And so what we do is we de-link that emotional charge to the experience of someone just walks off. Because that's just what they did. Doesn't mean anything. But it's whatever the trauma was for you of when your ex did that is still neuro tagged right to your system, right?
My body knows my body makes up a story about what is happening, and that he's going to leave me where he's doing things that are crappy, even though my mind doesn't connect.
Yeah. And so you can find ways to cope or stop and like breathe and down-regulate your nervous system in the moment, but how about just liberate yourself of that? Right? And so that's the work that we do is we actually create, and what I've witnessed by facilitating these processes, what I've witnessed by having them run on me, is true liberation. I would be happy to run a process on you, after we're done with this podcast and take too long, I would have done it, I could have done maybe something live, but we'll just do it offline if you're down, nd then you can start to see like, when you go to the store, and let's say your husband forgot, he was just so excited to go efficiently grab the stuff, and then you're like, oh, well, I'll find them when I find them, or whatever that might be, that is freedom, where your external events don't activate you anymore. You can live life and be grounded and at peace in your heart no matter what. And sometimes it just takes a little bit of work, like what, you know, whether it's through our modalities or others, cuz I know there's other modalities that work quite well as well. But to actually just clear whatever's there instead of learning to cope with it.
Okay, so yeah, well, and I want to say this too, for people listening. I don't, and I'm going to speak for you for a second, but correct me if I'm wrong, like this isn't like, you should just let everything be. Like, if people walk away from you at the grocery store, when they're supposed to tell you where they're going. They can do that. And you're not supposed to care about it. It's not about becoming like a doormat.
So when I talked earlier about, let's say, like, stuck identities, right? There's an identity there around abandonment, probably or you.
Oh, 100%. It's like, yeah, biggest fear.
Correct. Yeah. So right now, when somebody does anything that is perceived as you being abandoned, boom, you get triggered, right? However, that part of you is still beautiful and welcome to the table, the wanting to be loved wanting care and attention, right, and to feel safe. And so what our work does, when we integrate it, it's like, okay, the abandoned person is there, but what's the opposite of the abandoned person? And it could be a loved person, a worthy person, whatever that might be, and what we do is when we integrate both identities together, you actually get to sit and be at choice. So we're not getting rid of the abandoned part of you, which some modalities do. Even when I was doing hypnosis, it's like, let's get rid of, you know, this part and just animate this other part and have that be who you are. But that's what created the problem to begin with. Right? When we start to say parts of ourselves are wrong and we push them away, that's not what Rapid Rewired does. What we do is we integrate the identities, so you're not controlled by one or the other. In fact, both are welcome at the table, and you literally have choice of do I want to be in a big emotion and react right now? Yeah, actually, that's what would feel right. Or it's like, actually the worthy person goes, no, I'm good. And I still desire my partner to tell me that he's going somewhere, but I'm not going to have a big emotional reaction to it because I know I'm worthy, I'm still loved, even if he forgets and goes and runs off to another aisle. So both are welcome. You still have the ability to dance between the two but now you're at choice, instead of just being in reactive mode, because one is, is more powerful than the other.
Okay. Okay. Thank you for that longer explanation. I like to pick things apart.
No, I love this. And so can I ask you like, what have you done that's also been supportive for you in clearing some of it because it sounds like you got a handle on it right? Before you did it, and I've got stories to have my non-evolved self raise. And then there's the parts that were able to manage that what have you… And then obviously, where I like to get people to is like, pure freedom from it, but what have you done in terms of your own work or modalities that you've tried that have been beneficial for you?
Honestly, I think it's been a combination of a handful of the big ones. So then the big ones being the work that I do is, I’m certified and trained in Brené Brown's work around shame, resilience, and there's one particular module that shook me down, and it's called ideal identities which and unwanted identities, which is basically finding out what your triggers are because we all have these ways that we want to be perceived by others and we have no control over that. And so when we find out… It's about identifying your ideal, and you're less than, you know, stellar, awful, unwanted identities. When you find out what those are, because, like they're running your life, whether you know them or not and this is why we people, please this is where we go out of our way, and we go against our values. And this is the birth of perfectionism. When you know what they are, and when you're being triggered, you can identify it and it's a very kind of like, cerebral thing. But we also in that work, find out you know, like, what happens to your body when you're in shame.
And so it was it was knowing that as well as I had the last therapist I had in 2020 we did some somatic work and I cannot for life me remember the name of it, she did have several different the shift 40 years of experience the reason I'm not seeing her anymore because she retired, which we had a talk about that in my abandonment issues. Oh, the hard day, when told me she was retiring. It was like muscle testing, and, and similar to I think the work that you do, and that it was a it was like I would do this. It was a kind of like EFT tapping, but it was like bodywork, I should find the name of it. I think I've talked about it on a previous podcast, and I went back to her old bio and looked at the name of it, but I think it was a combination of those things that really started to move mountains. And time and honestly, Stephanie getting sober. Like that, because my coping mechanism was either drinking or chasing men and relationships or codependence like, and for a long time in my 20s, it was an eating disorder. It was like, anything I could do that was a behavior or a person to run away from what I was boiling. I was just avoiding my life. And so sobriety and 12 steps, I think is it needs a lot of work, Alcoholics Anonymous, but I think it can be enormously helpful. So it was a combination. The short answer is a lot of things.
I know there's so much benefit to a lot of other modalities as well. I still am a deep believer in hypnosis and stuff. But what I get and love about ours is like you said, it's a shortcut. But not shortcutting in terms of bypassing but shortcut in, how can we be more efficient with our healing process such that we can come back to functioning faster? But thank you for sharing that. It's so beautiful to see the work right. I'm, that's one of the many things that I love and can feel about you is like, you don't just preach it, you embody it, like you're in the work.
As much as I don't want to.
Who does it? Sometimes it's like, oof. Oh, the shadow over there, let me just stick to the light, even if it's, it's, it's bypassing.
We just make jokes about sweaty bras, because I don't want to go over there. I'm also interested in I had someone on a couple of months ago about psychedelics, which as someone in recovery is tricky. But it's a big conversation in the recovery circles because pretty much 100% of us have trauma. Like that's why we were addicts.
Yep. I've worked in two addiction. rehabs, yes. Yeah.
So I think if done well, and with proper guidance and support, I think it can be helpful. I have not tried it yet, but I'm looking into it. It's still not legal here in North Carolina so… I want to ask you about self-love. Because I know we've spent like the majority of the time talking about the which I wanted to get really dig in with the Rewire Method. But why is self-love so important and how, in your opinion, how can loving yourself make such a difference in your life? Well, can you start… Let me back up for a second because, in your opinion, professional and personal opinion, like what does self-love actually look like, like, every day?
Yeah. So when I went on my self… I believe that self-love is the most important work we can do because I see that the greatest issues that we experience stem from relationship with self even. Let's say, when we have a reaction, like somebody does something to us, or we mess up on something, it's not even the mess up, but it's how we treat ourselves. When we mess up, forget something, don't do something right, you know, didn't say things in the way I wanted to say… It's like that level of beat up and judgment and shame and the negative, you know, self-talk is really what creates the shitty feelings inside of us. It's not even so much what happens externally, it's how we treat ourselves around the things that occur in our lives. Right? And so that's why I feel like that is the most important place to go to is relating to yourself from a place of love, instead of from all the ways that we've either been conditioned into, or have just betrayed ourselves in ways that aren't loving.
And so when I went deep into my sel-love journey, what I discovered was self-love wasn't so much of a doing as it was a being. I know a lot of people, when they talk about self-love out there, they're like, oh, just buy yourself flowers, draw yourself a bath, get a massage, you know, go for walks in nature. And that's beautiful and necessary. That's a part of self-love, but it's not, to me my own when I generated my own definition of what self-love is, again, it's a way of being with yourself versus what you're doing. And so through my journey, I found what I call them pillars of self-love. And to me, that's self-acceptance, self-forgiveness, self-compassion, self-appreciation, self-respect, self-trust, self-permission and receiving
Like we are… We have the same brain, because I used to describe all of those. And I used to say that self-love was the umbrella and here's all the things underneath. Okay.
Ah, I love it. Same for brain. And when you can start to relate to yourself from those eight places, you get a couple of them. Life starts to change if you can get all eight amazing, but really, the hardest ones for me. Were self-appreciation.
Say more about that. That's interesting.
Oh my god, well, because I never felt like I was good enough.
Nobody on that list listening to this podcast struggles with that. So we can just…
Stephanie 43:02Yeah, no, I know. It's just, I'm the solo person on this planet placed on this earth, billions that I don't feel good enough and didn't feel worthy. And so for me any sort of recognition was a lie. Like it was an untruth. And so it was really difficult for me to find anything
about myself, that was lovable or was enough. Anything worth celebrating anything even just worth acknowledging. And so whenever people would acknowledge me, I'm like, they want something from me. They're just saying that to be nice. And then also, like I've taken people, I've have a whole entire self-love course, and like one of the practices is just writing down. You know how, what you love about yourself. And I used to also work inside of a treatment center with women who had BPD, borderline personality disorder, and bipolar and other mood disorders, and I would sit there with them for 15 minutes with and they would have their list and many of them couldn't even think of one thing that was me also couldn't think of one thing. So that was a deep struggle.
And where I was seeing, more places to go, and other two other ones that were the most difficult was self-acceptance and self-compassion. I was a motherfucker to myself, like, so mean. And I remember when someone reflected back there, like, if any parent talked to their child in that way, someone would call Child Services on them. Like, this is how you are. Like they would someone would call, you know, to regulate on you. And I was like, whoa. You know, or even one of my girlfriend's, she'd call me Kwomey. But she's like Kwomey stop being Tiger Mom to yourself. And it was in that moment, she like broke my pattern, because I wasn't seeing how spiteful and cruel I was being to myself. And literally, it was like coming out where people are saying stuff like that to me. And I was like, whoa, that's intense. And so I realized just the deep judgment, obviously, a lot of it came from conditioning because Chinese, you know, culture is so intense and so demanding and in to be excellent and perfect and all the things and so I could see where I picked that up. And yet it was destroying my soul, as well as my ability to experience in any sort of joy or fulfillment in life. And when I finally dove in and was like, okay, I need to rework this relationship with myself to be one of love instead of judgment. That's when everything in my life began to truly shift.
Yeah, I agree. I agree with that. I had a similar experience. The one I struggle with the most definitely self-compassion. My parents were silent generation. And I know, you know, a lot of people listen to this podcast are Gen Xers or millennials and they were raised by either silent generation or baby boomers. And I think that, especially like the older baby boomers and Silent Generation, you know, my parents were born in 1936, in 1941. You know, it's like, my dad was born during the Great Depression and my mom was born during World War Two, like, it wasn't, they didn't have the luxury of, you know, like, being really kind and like talking about their feelings, and it for many, many of them, it was about survival, and just like fending for yourself. And I think many of us were raised in that similar type of parenting and got that same conditioning. And, for me, there wasn't a lot of compassion, you know, for ourselves and for other people, it was just a lot of judgment. And a lot of like, those are the kinds of people that we never want to be like. And we don't talk about feelings. This is how things are around here.
I remember, I was thinking about this other day when I was driving, and my I was 16, and I had been dating my boyfriend for about a year, and she asked me as I was walking out the door, to go to the movies with him, she goes, I need to talk to you about birth control. And I had already been going to Planned Parenthood and like, getting birth control. And I drove by a Planned Parenthood, that's what made me think of it. And I thought to myself, my daughter who's not there yet, she's just about to turn 13, like, she will not have to do that. She’s going to grow up in a family where like, I'm going to talk to her about birth control, I'm going to talk to her about sex and like she's going to feel comfortable coming to me with no judgement. No, like, absolutely not, you don't have sex. You know, it's just, I'm kind of going off on a tangent here, but just trying to paint a picture of like, the differences of parenting that I think is happening for a lot of us. And so my point is that, I grew up with a major lack of self-trust, of just like, do not trust your own instincts. You know, just like this is the way things are and also the conditioning of like, for as a young girl and a girl and then a woman, like our value was based in you know, can you get picked. You know, is a man going to pick you like, are you beautiful enough. And so I didn't trust my own instincts when it came to things like this guy's creepy, but I need to be polite as to not piss him off. So it's like all these subtle… I'm kind of all over the place which is kind of my MO, but like little things that happened throughout like the start of life and then into adulthood and just fueled my rage and drinking and eating disorder and partying with cocaine and lots of boys.
Sounds like life. Well and look if we look at all that right, that's still relationship with self that if we had given one of the pillars to me is like self-respect, if we actually had that are learned that we probably wouldn't trash our bodies or treat ourselves and shitty ways or put up…
We would have said no, people gaslighting us.
Yeah, and saying no. I dated a sociopath and men who cheated on me that was my old pattern that I had until I rewired too and so that again came from that unworthiness, not good enough crap, like, I don't deserve good things. What are you talking about. And so when I started rewiring those beliefs, to be more loving, right of self, that's when again, everything changed. And it's so important to do it. And obviously, we see I witnessed the embodiment of self-love and you and the way that you conduct yourself now versus probably the stories that you have to share which we need to probably have a Zoom tea or coffee so I can hear some stories. It’ll be very entertaining. And change can happen when you embody the self-love. Like your life can transform, you can transform and when you do and your energy changes because of the embodiment self-love, it's like everything around you reflects that. And that's what I love that there's like this instant feedback, right of when you change, or transform and shift, your external world will reflect that shift back to you. And so it's neat. That's how I like to play with things when I know exactly that I've locked something in that I'm wanting to kind of wire in, it's like, I start to see it happening externally like yes, okay, right path, let's keep going. And I also get the feedback where I'm like, oh, shit, I don't really want that anymore so looks like I get have got some work to do.
Thank you so much for all of this, I love, you know, kind of circling back to where we started the integration of our different identities because even Brené Brown talks about this, and she says, you know, when we orphan parts of our story, I can't remember what the rest of the quote is, but basically, she's talking about shame, you know, and like, then that's where the mess kind of happens. So it's not about pushing away these identities that we have, you know, for me, it's like my teenage identity of, of being abandoned of being laughed of being deemed. We don't actually really like you all that much. Like, that's my worst fear. That's what like my unconscious is telling me that people are thinking. Like, we just pretend that we like Andrea, like, we actually don't want her around. So but you know, if we just try to like walk away from that and banish it, that shit ain't going anywhere.
Well, and I always say this to people too, because I get to decrease the emotional charge around this word. But when I see people throwing around the word fearless, I'm like, guys, fear is not bad. No fear will protect you from getting eaten by an animal or any sort of, you know, hairy situation that you can get yourself into. So it's not bad. Let's not villainize it. Fear is good. But when fear controls you, yeah, when you're stuck in the identity of a fearful person, that's when it becomes a problem. But let's not get rid of these parts of ourselves instead of welcoming loving them, and integrating them in so we, as sovereign beings actually have choice once again, instead of what we're indoctrinated into, or conditioned into.
And so, yeah, I love that Brené Brown, I know a little bit, I love her stuff, I haven't delved quite as deeply into it, but love that, again, it's just a matter of all as welcome. Let's not abandon any parts of ourselves or say one is better than the other, loving them all welcoming them all, and embracing them all, and then having the power to choose where we want to flex in and out of it, depending on what it is that we want to achieve or accomplish in our life.
Yeah, I think the rest of the quote is, when you orphan parts of your story, you start hustling for your worthiness, I think is the gist of the quote. And you know, what she's taught when she talks about hustling for your worthiness, like that's the perfectionism the people pleasing, the negative self-talk, the overachieving, lashing out. Actually all of the chapters and How To Stop Feeling Like Shit, which was my second book. We are going to put in the link to the show notes for the Rapid Rewire Method and your personal site, StephanieKwong.com. And anything else, before we close up that you want to make sure that you say that you want to circle back to or do you feel complete? The floor is yours.
I feel complete. I just thank you for this opportunity to, like connect with you and to hopefully, what we spoke about really served the people listening today, because that's really been my deepest desire and commitment. I know that prior talk about our wounded selves, right, I needed to prove something. And that's how I built my business for a long time. And now fortunately, because I've integrated and healed many parts, I feel like I'm climbing that second mountain now, which is really just about pure service and contribution. So hopefully, we serve people in some way today. And I know that you do, Andrea by doing these podcasts, girl. This is amazing. So thank you for being you and for the contribution that you are in this world. And for making me laugh and everybody else laugh. I mean, oh, everybody needs an Andrea in their life.
That was only a couple giggles today. Thank you listeners for being here. You know, I am so incredibly grateful for your time and that you choose it to spend with my guests and me and remember, it's our life's journey to make ourselves better humans and our life's responsibility to make the world a better place. Bye for now.
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