PODCAST & BLOG

PODCAST & BLOG

Today I offer you a minisode on rest. Not just sleep, but actual rest. 

There is a great deal of studies that show the importance of rest. In Emily and Amelia Nagoski’s book, Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, the authors say we should try to spend about 42 percent of our time at rest. They continue, “We’re not saying you should take 42 percent of your time to rest; we’re saying if you don’t take the 42 percent, the 42 percent will take you. It will grab you by the face, shove you to the ground, put its foot on your chest, and declare itself the victor.”

Simply put, overachieving (which I know is what a lot of us do), putting productivity in a higher priority than rest, will turn around and bite you in the ass. 

In this minisode, I talk about the problem– that we tend to not get enough rest; but also ask you two questions that will hopefully help you unpack the reasons you don’t prioritize rest.

Book recommendations:
You know how I love a good personal development book, right? I’ve compiled a list of book recommendations, as mentioned in past episodes. Check out these amazing book recommendations here. Happy reading!  

Right-click to download the .mp3

 


SHOW TRANSCRIPT  

You're listening to Make Some Noise Podcast minisode number 480.

Welcome Make Some Noise Podcast, your guide for strategies, tools and insight to empower yourself. I'm your host, Andrea Elwood, global speaker, entrepreneur, life coach since 2007, and author of three books that have been translated into 18 languages and are available in 22 countries. Each week, I'll bring you a guest or a lesson that will help you maximize unshakable confidence, master resilience and make some noise in your life. You ready? Let's go.

Hey, everybody. Welcome to another episode of the podcast. I'm so glad that you're here. Today is my anniversary. I don't know if it's an anniversary or a birthday. I guess it's just personal preference. But today marks 11 years of not drinking any alcohol. Zero. Not a drop. Although I have dreamt about it. But that doesn't count, thankfully. Because when I dream about it, I have so much visceral shame. Have you ever quit something, and you're like, I don't know, maybe some of you are former smokers, and you work so hard, trying to quit smoking. That's…I don't know because I've never been a smoker. But from what I understand, it's like one of the hardest things to quit. And then you dream about it and then you wake up in the morning, you're like, oh my god was that real, that I really do it.

Drinking dreams are kind of the worst. I often have them where I am like at a party or a bar, and I order a drink, or I'm reaching for a drink someone has offered me and everything's like normal. I'm not like, oo, I get to drink. It's just like, yeah, I'm gonna have this drink. And then I'm about to put it to my mouth, and I can smell it. And I can even in my dream, I can feel like the cold condensation or like the glass if it's if I'm holding a beer or a wineglass. And it's in that moment that I realized that I'm sober. And I was like, oh, dang it, I can't do this. I don't do this anymore. But in zero of my drinking dreams, am I actually drunk. It's always that I have drank. And there's this realization anyway, this is not what this podcast episode was about. Please excuse my sidebar. But um, yeah, it's 11 years that that have not had anything to drink alcohol wise.

And these anniversaries as of late have kind of crept up on me because I just don't think about it anymore, which is a good thing. I don't think about it anymore and it's been a long time since it's felt agonizing. And you've any of you who are struggling with your relationship with alcohol. I'm going to pop in the shownotes a link to my recovery series, which is coming back, actually, after a six-year hiatus. I can't believe I've been doing the podcast for almost 10 years, but I'm gonna have some recovery episodes. So that's going to be that's going to be great. I'm excited to talk about that again.

Today, I'm not talking about recovery. I'm not talking about drinking, or the lack of drinking, or even dreams for that matter. I am talking about rest. The reason that it came on my radar and I thought about doing a minisode is because I was thinking about overachieving, and I wrote a whole chapter on it and How To Stop Feeling Like Shit. And we were also talking about it a little bit when I hosted the daring way retreat a few weeks ago. Overachieving being one of our pieces of armor that we were to try to avoid criticism, tried to avoid judgment, failure, shame, all those things. And one of the antidotes is rest. Like actual, real, legitimate rest.

And I found some statistics that are pretty interesting. There was a Gallup poll in 2019, that confirmed that 30% of women and 27% of men say they are always or very often feeling burned out at work. And then in 2021, big surprise, that gap got even bigger, where 34% of women and 26% of men reported feeling burned out. Do you find that interesting that there was it was only one percentage point less of men felt burned out in 2021 versus 2019. But women there was an increase? I don't know. I won't even get into that. But working women report more on the job burnout and I don't even think that it is specific to women who work outside the home. Stay at home parents find themselves with more and more responsibilities, and during the pandemic found yourself with more and more uncertainty, which can lead to worsening mental health. And if you're a Gen X or like me, and I think even for millennials, who were sort of made fun of for being such a selfish generation stereotype, which I don't believe is true. But a lot of times we were labeled as lazy enough. For Gen X, we were labeled as the slacker generation. So there's definitely a negative connotation to feeling quote unquote, lazy, which I hate that term, or a slacker. And it's obviously we live in America, land of capitalism, where we are valued, and given much praise, based on our productivity, based on our output, based on how much we accomplish and what we accomplish.

So it's no wonder that that overachieving and hyper achieving can be a huge problem. And not to mention, we are still recovering from Girlboss culture and, and hustle culture, which is very specific, I think, to this sort of trope of entrepreneurship that we saw kind of explode in let's see, when was that? I, it's hard for me to remember when that was because I was already in it. But I think that the height of it was 2015. 2014-2015 and then it kind of all crashed and burned. And not at all saying it went away. I don't think it went away. I think we just started talking about. I think we all got kind of tired, and we're like, oh my god, I can't do this anymore.

One book that I love that I've talked about here on the show, and it's on my Amazon book page, which I think is in every show notes by the way, if you didn't know, Emily and Amelia Nagurski wrote the book of Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. And they say that we should try to spend about 42% of our time at rest. And this is a quote from the book that I love. And they said, “We're not saying you should take 42% of your time to rest we're saying if you don't take the 42%, the 42% will take you. It will grab you by the face shove you to the ground, put his foot on your chest and declare itself the victor.” I mean, overachieving, putting productivity in a higher priority than rest will turn around and bite you in the ass. It has done it to me. I'm sure it's done it to you. And it has the capability to keep doing it to us.

So I think you know, to shift gears and not just talk about the problem, but to talk about the solution is, obviously rest is the solution. But I think when we when we get a little more granular than that, it's about determining what actually makes you feel rested. Because I think sometimes we feel like we're resting, you know, we'll sit on the couch and stroll through social media and the question I'd like you to ask yourself is is the things that you are defining as rest, maybe it is laying in bed in the morning on the weekend and you know, not getting right out of bed and just sort of relaxing, like sitting on the couch trawling through your phone, maybe you define rest as going out for happy hour with your friends are having coffee with a friend. Take some inventory there and ask yourself when you're done with those do I feel rested? Do I feel rejuvenated? That's how I define rest. Like do I feel like my battery has been recharged? You can look at it. Just like you would charge your electronics. Do I feel like my battery is full after I have done this thing? And that might help you determine if something is actually restful or not. I know for me as an extrovert, I feel energized after I've been with people and socialized and that just I mean, my oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine all those things are flying high. I have no scientific evidence to prove that but that's how I feel. Just I feel amazing. But if I want to feel rested, I have to be by myself. I cannot talk to anyone, I cannot be leaving anybody messages, I cannot be sending any emails, I cannot be reading any emails, I cannot be answering anyone's questions, I cannot be doing anyone any favors. I need to be by myself. And that's usually reading.

Scrolling through my phone on social media does not make me feel rested. There's too much that I have to sort of consume and process. It's I don't know, if it's like the audio from the videos, it's the reading the text on the screen, it's the, you know what I mean? Like looking at the images. Like all these different things that I have to process in my brain, I just don't feel rested. And that was a big aha moment for me, and really committing to every night reading. Maybe it's similar for you. Or maybe it's something else that truly makes you feel rested. But that's the first part of it, I would love for you to take inventory of what are the things that actually make you feel rested.

The second part is working through any feelings that you have around that. Let me explain. If you feel guilty, for resting, for taking the time, and I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that probably most of you listening to this have had feelings of guilt, for taking time for yourself. I know that when one of my children wants to come and talk to me at 10 o'clock at night, and they want to have like this major conversation and I have…sometimes I say yes. And sometimes it's okay, sometimes it's not okay, in terms of like my own mental health. But I have had to have a talk with him and say, any big conversation, any big questions that will require, you know, kind of deeper thinking for me have to be completed by 8:30pm. This is the time that I have figured out is my sort of off switch, like mom's clocking out. Mom is clocking out. You're gonna have to write it down on a piece of paper and we can talk about it in the morning, or the following evening or whenever. But setting that boundary has been both game changing in terms of my own mental health, and also an invitation for me to work on my feelings of guilt. Because I have made up a story that in order to be a good mother, I have to be available 24/7 for my children. And of course, if it was an emergency of some sort, of course. But those don't happen very often. And I also noticed that when I allow them to come into my room to have these bigger conversations at 10pm, at night, it becomes a habit and it messes with their sleep as well.

So I've sort of switched my perspective in a I'm showing them loving boundaries. I mean, I'm not a jerk about it. I’m not like get the fuck out of my room, throwing a shoe at the door. No. I maybe have thought about it a time or two. But no, there are loving boundaries. Always with a follow up. You know, this goes back to John Gottman his work always talking about when we will regroup. So it's not a no, it's let's talk about this later and I give a specific time. And also just acknowledging if I do feel guilty about it, and working through the tools that I have that I talk about in all of my books about how to walk yourself through those feelings. And it could be something like, okay, what am I making up about this feeling? You know, that I'm feeling guilty and, and I should always be there for them. Like, is that really true. What's another alternative thought you guys know the drill. You've been here on the podcast long enough to remember some of them. Or if listened to or read my books to know what they are. It's about processing through any feelings that you might have of rest. Or even just on a like a cultural basis. What do you make up about people who rest. Remember in Make Some Noise in the very beginning of the book, I asked that question, what is your conditioning versus what is your truth? And you asking yourself that question. What is my conditioning versus what is your truth? We're conditioning is probably that only lazy people rest or that you don't need to rest or that you don't have time to rest. There are too many tasks that need to be done in the day and who else is going to do them? Maybe you're a single parent, maybe your partner doesn't help you as much as they should. Doesn't participate in the tasks as much as they should? I should say that instead of help.

Maybe that's part of it. But again, take a little inventory of what are the things you make up about rest in general, or people who rest. People who make that 42% of rest are priority. People who set boundaries around their rest, like maybe you had a reaction when I told you that I don't allow my children to come and talk to me about big things after 8:30pm. Unpack that. Gget curious about that. What is it that you make up about it? That people who do that are neglectful moms? What do you make up if you did that? So what you do start asking yourself those questions and sort of picking apart any judgments or stereotypes that you make up about people who prioritize their rest because you deserve rest. You deserve to take care of your mental health that includes mental and emotional, you deserve to take care of your physical body, we have to rest as humans. We cannot sustain on lack of rest. We can't. I've tried it. I'm sure you've tried it, too. And the consequences are not great.

Alright? I hope that you take away from this some new insight and also making rest a priority. Maybe this weekend, you carve out some time maybe today, you… Maybe right after this podcast, you go take a nap or something so interesting to me every time I take a nap, which isn't as often as it probably should be, I always wake up from my nap and I'm like, nothing fell apart. Nothing… There were no dire consequences for me taking a 30 minute nap. None at all. So I hope that you can have that. I hope you can have and put in make a priority, rest. All right. I will see you next time. And remember, it's our life's journey to make ourselves better humans and our life's responsibility to make the world a better place. Bye for now.

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