Somebody crashed my party. Several months ago, there I was, surfing on Facebook and my eyes wander over to the “People you should know” column and there he was: My ex husband.
My heart sank, and my stomach literally hurt. Then I got mad. Mad that I still, after 5 long years, get a physical reaction when I see his name spelled out. Why? I'm not mad at him anymore, I don't love him anymore and am happily remarried with 2 children. Some people say it's because we never had closure, but quite frankly I think closure is over-rated and bullshit. And believe me, I really get it that I am in a better place now. Truly. So, I had to dig deep that day and think. And I think I figured it out.
I believe there are 3 parts to a relationship or marriage. The two people in it and the relationship itself. Like I have said in a previous post, it was easier for me to get over him than it was to get over the relationship. I'm pretty sure I was over him before we even divorced. But the relationship that we built over 13 years ended so abruptly and traumatically, even though I did see it coming, was like an assault on the relationship. Kind of like a car accident; the reason people get internal injuries is because the body suddenly stops moving, but the internal organs are still going 65 miles per hour and slam into the inside of your body. I know that's a strange metaphor, but that's what I think happened. Like the guts of the relationship suffered the most, not the outside person. So in other words, the soul of the relationship has never had a chance to rest in peace. It still sometimes haunts me.
How do I let it rest? I'm not sure if I have the answer. People that have been in similar situations as mine have told me that it may never go away. It's not that you still love the person, or that you love the person you are with any less, it's just the way it is……I suppose.
I've also heard that when you are with someone for a long time, especially if you have had an intimate relationship with this person, that their energy continues to live in your cells.
Um, excuse me?
It might sound crazy to some, but when I first heard this it sort of knocked me over. And it all made sense. I stopped trying to put labels on my feelings or reactions. They are neither good nor bad. I can be okay with the fact that his energy may very well be living in my cells. We hear all the time when a break-up occurs, “I feel like a part of me is gone”. Well, there's no question that we are put on this earth to connect with others. It's how we reproduce, how babies survive, how we as a species has survived. To me, it makes perfect sense that we physically and energetically become part of the people we have the most connection to.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one. Do you believe someone else's energy can remain within us? And does it mean anything to you?